I want to switch it up this year. I don't make new years resolutions or make decisions based on my birthday. But I feel like it's time to change my energy again. I want to change everything. I'm pretty much thirty now. I fukked 20 up. I did everything I wanted to. I bought all the clothes I could want. I owned a European sports car. I made hella money. I almost died a few times. I dated some beautiful girls. I lost hella money. Lost some beautiful girls and don't give a fukk about that car or those clothes now.
I will never own another car in my life unless I have kids. IDGAF about luxury items anymore. I drank so much Dom P and Ace of Spades I got tired of seeing the bottles. I have LV, LV Vintage, sitting on the floor of my closet. Haven't worn that shyt in years. Wore that shyt like three times. All of that shyt was a massive waste of money. I have a custom made wardrobe I don't even wear. I have a Benz I haven't driven in like 2 years. I used to speed on the freeway, close my eyes, and take my hands off the wheel. A lot of stupid shyt. My friends and I used to hang out of car windows doing all sorts of wild shyt. Playing with guns and other wild shyt.
I used to live for this shyt. Now it makes me kind of sick. I still like looking good but I don't need anything crazy anymore. I never thought I'd see the day where bad bytches, drugs, money, fast cars, and savagery did nothing for me. I don't care anymore. I'm over it. shyt is not that fun TBH. And it's only a matter of time before my luck runs out.
I kid you not. I used to do some wild shyt to stunt. I realize I was a dumbass. A talented brave dumbass. LOL. I should probably be dead or in jail. There's some shyt I can't discuss, but man, I think I might have an addiction to high risk situations.
so where to now? I feel shallow. I still have my long term goals and I'm on track for those. But I need something else. I think it's time to grow up and calm my black ass down. I've achieved a lot. Everything I want and then some. Honestly I did all that shyt because I didn't expect to live this long. I figured I'd kill myself or get killed so I was trying to live 65 years in like 22.
YOLO wasn't a phrase it was how the family was living.
The fast life. I thought it was normal to live like that until I started getting suburban soccer money.
If I would have planned to live this long I would have lived my life differently. Only 3 people made it out of my city that I came up with. I'm one of them.
For once in my life I don't know what I want. I just know I want to change my space top to bottom. It's time to calm all the way fukk down because I've been going hard for hella long. I'm not tired I'm just uninspired but how shallow it all is. It has no real value and people who focus on that shyt are people of little value or they're young minded.
All young people should do it big if they're capable of it. Some people wait until their 30 or 40 to do it big and it looks lame as fukk to me. I refuse to be the old dude trying to stunt on the 25 year olds. That's some lame ass shyt. fukk I look like being a grown ass man lusting over a fukking car or dressing like a god damn teenager.
I'm going to keep it simple from here on out and re fukking lax. I read quotes all day. I read one yesterday that was fire. It said a man who cannot escape his past will return to it. I can't stop thinking about that.
I had a feeling that something big was going to happen. I meditated on it for weeks. I waited for signs and that was definitely the sign.
I've been developing a new theory about life too. MOV is some real shyt. I might change the name to BWV because it's bigger than just men and humans.
My horoscope is telling me to listen to my feelings and accept change. The universe, my heart and mind all agree.
Is this what mental manhood feels like? Have the couple years I put into healing my soul and opening my mind to spirituality paid off? Maybe I'm just content for once in my life so I don't feel like I need trophies anymore. I don't know. I just know I don't want or need any of that toxic shyt ever again.