Something is different about me. I'm not sure why I do know I do not dwell on negative feelings anymore. I've dived head first into spirituality and I've created my own belief system. It allows me to get in touch with my roots while being present in the present. Yesterday I thought about all the seemingly random events that lead me to meet Wanda. Our meets happened when I changed my routine or made a mistake. Meeting her was destiny, maybe it was random, maybe it was luck. The more I ponder every interaction we had the more I like her and appreciate myself.
If I would have been grumpy because my schedule got fukked up I would not have met her because I'd be so pissed I would have ignored her. If I did not start practicing active listening and being present in my body I would not have been able to have the conversation with Wanda that I did. If I would not have been considerate enough to wait for John to get out of the car and speak to Mac for ten minutes I would not have seen her. If I would have called out of work, I wanted to, I would not have seen her yesterday. Yesterday was her last day in Oakland and I was in the right place at the right time. If I did not commit hella money and hours into weight lifting she would not be interested. Maybe fate made it possible. I cannot call it.
I do not talk about geeky shyt around girls I like. I am not a geek, but I am hella curious. I know more than I should about comic book story arcs because I listen to the stories and read a few online. Our first conversation was about comics and her mom. There are many out of character events that lead me to Wanda. I have to explore this.
I try to be open to signs. I can't hide in my own head anymore. I have to approach each day with an open heart and soul. It's hard because I'm scared but like lifting weights I know I have to do it.
I love the skin stretched across her bones. I have dreams about her. She has eyes like nobody I've ever seen, her hair is so black, and I love her face. She does not wear makeup. She seriously cycles and she's fit like me. She's the talk of the town and I assumed she was out of my league. She came to me, I didn't do much here other than show up.
I love all of her tattoos that I've seen. She's heavily tatted from face to toe. I usually do not like it, but her tattoos are like no other tattoos. I want to see her naked. She's very beautiful to me on some Mother Earth shyt.