The older I get the more I realize that America is not for me.
It's like, I'm a first generation Nigerian/West Indian. Growing up in predominantly white suburban Pittsburgh I always felt like an odd man out. Being a black dude that liked skateoarding, and comic books, and techno/electronica, punk, metal, I even felt like more of an odd man out. It was really in high school that I noticed the differences between myself and black americans. I was ridiculed and called an oreo, white boy, sell out...shyt hurt my feelings. Hanging out with white people didn't really make matters worse or better either. Older I got I saw myself veering in different paths in success from themoom. They were all able to find jobs, girlfriends, get married...even the simplest things like that seem difficult to obtain. Recently I've just really started to hate americans. How they have such simple cookie cutter names and how they just get confounded and confused with my African name that no one else has. How cruel they are. How inconsiderate and selfish they are. How air headed and obsessed with pop culture they are. I really see myself growing apart from this vain and utterly nonsensical culture. And it saddens me that in order to surround myself with more like minded people I can relate to I have to move to a crowded expensive and at times stressful city like new york. It's like...could I ever have anything easy in my life? Everything has been a goddamn struggle. And it's turned me into misanthropic person because no matter what...whenever I'm trying to improve my life or get to the next level...there's always someone in my way that has to say no. I'm sick of it.
I just want to check out California and that's it. Given who I am and what I'm into I honestly have a hard time seeing myself in too many places in this country other than I the east coast or west. I want to be in a place where there's a nice mix of africans, African americans, and west indians, and there's not too many places like that in America. People tell me to move down south....but the south is too fukking racist. The first real encounter I had with racism was in virginia...me and my family were at a theme park and we were held back for 45 minutes from riding in this one ride. We were the only black family in line. It wasn't until I was older that I understood what happened. Had some really bad experiences to on a trip to Asheville to play a show that left a bad taste in my mouth. And honestly I can't be around a bunch of a$$holes flying confederate flags freely without losing my temper.
I seriously am giving new York two more years than I'm trying to leave America forever. First stop would be to spend time with my family in London on my dad's side...Second stop is Nigeria to check out where my dad is from to get an idea of where he was coming from upon moving to Pittsburgh...A city that I now loathe with a passion.
I had to leave that city if I ever wanted to make anything out of my life. I realized I had too much potential to stay there. I didn't want to be a 30 year old failure living with his parent alongside my older sister...who has been living at home for almost 10 years since college...who hasn't had a job in almost seven years...who just cooks watches tv and does nothing all day. And having a life where I just drive around listen to music smoke cigarettes and blunts all day.
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