It's funny how everyone assumes they're smarter than me but the evidence is slight. I'm not hella smart, but I know some things. Living the life I live has taught me some shyt.
Most people are successful and alive because of their parents or support system. I'm successful because I chose to be. I don't have any help. Never have. I have no cheerleading section.
I remember as a kid I'd win academic awards and the other kids' families would be there cheering and I'd be by myself. Same thing with sports. I was always by myself. I don't know what it's like for someone to be proud of me.
It's something I pursue subconsciously.
Birthdays are just days to me. I think I've celebrated maybe 5 of my 27 birthdays. That shyt stings a lot. I remember celebrating thanksgiving but rarely did I celebrate my birthday which is two days from Thanksgiving.
I hate thanksgiving. I graduated with honors and got into one of the best schools in the world. I didn't get congratulated. I was hardened over when it happened so I didn't care. I remember when they called my name on stage and the crowd went fukking nuts.
I wasn't hella popular at my school because I didn't have friends, but everybody fukked with me because I was the plug and I was pretty chill. It felt good to be appreciated.
What high school taught me is people only like me when I'm the plug. People don't like me. They like what I have.
Maybe that is why I'm on my Doctor Doom shyt. I'm after absolute power for good reasons. People criticize my method and goal though they never ask me why I'm like this.
I have few good memories. Me being alive is a fukking blessing. I know God put me here to do something. I used to cry myself to sleep as a little kid and pray to never wake up. I tried to kill myself a lot, but I was a kid so I didn't know how. I just knew nobody wanted me around so I shouldn't be around.
All I do is piss people off and waste air apparently so there's no point in breathing if my life has no value.
I tried to drown myself hella times. It never worked. I used to try to hold my breath until I passed out and that didn't work out. I drank a bunch of toxic shyt. That didn't work either.
I tried hitting my head against the wall until I cracked my skull and that hurt a whole bunch so I was over suicide at that point.
Lol I didn't know what I was doing. I decided to tough it out. I've been thugging it out for over a decade.
No matter what anyone does to me I'm going to live my life to the fulliest. I don't care if anyone likes me, I like me.
I'm a fukking sweet-heart. I love many things, though I learned to love from experiencing hate I am a power plant for love. I hate bullies, love children, and love women.
Women are so very special. Without my girls I wouldn't be shyt. The few women who slowed down for me are my strength, they are my beating heart and the humanity in me.
It's crazy how my life started one way and is very different now. It really does get better everyday. It's not easy, but not worth doing is.
I want to live and I want to love. One day I want to marry somebody I appreciate and raise a beautiful family that I will thank all the gods for every second of everyday. I might cry everyday if it happens because I wasn't even supposed to live long enough to raise a family.