"I've never been a fan of Internet Explorer"
>Crowd laughs nervously and a few grunts are heard from the back seats as people edge closer to hear the punchline.
"Why not? Don't you like the internet?"
>The crowd suddenly stands up, aware that they are about to receive what they came for. People slowly edge closer to the set as Sheldon prepares for his next line. Sweat is clearly visible on his brow and his mouth is quivering in anticipation as he readies himself for what is about to happen.
"I just prefer Firefox because, like the fox, I am cunning and nimble."
>The crowd suddenly surges forward as the words escape Sheldon's mouth. They are so powerful, they almost shake the very foundations of the CBS studios. He watches as, in what he perceives as slow motion, the crowd moves toward his fragile body. He has been preparing for this moment his whole life. This is his moment. This is his Emmy. This is his Golden Globe. This is even his Oscar. The crowd converges around him so quickly they ignore the trampled cries of Leonard and Penny, who now lie shaking on the floor, their bones crushed by the sheer mass of the crowd. Sheldon stares back at the eyes around him. What he sees are no longer people. What he sees is the human psyche stripped down to its core. Their lives, what they were before this moment has been forgotten. Ravenous. Hungry. They want one thing from him. Sheldon closes his eyes, clears his mind and relaxes his body. What happens next depends completely on the next few seconds. The time between this and what he mutters next feels like an eternity. Slowly, he opens his eyes. Without a second thought, he says with resounding conviction...
"BAZINGA"
>In a split second, the crowd pounces on his ready and waiting body. Man, woman, child all at once. Sheldon cries out in complete ecstasy as they consume his flesh. He stops suddenly, as he drifts into eternal slumber. Peace at last.
"Hey Leonard..."
>The audience giggles.
"Hey Sheldon."
>Small laughs rise in anticipation.
"I've got a hangover bigger than the original X-Box..."
>There is silence. The set goes black. One lone face appears, illuminated by candlelight. It looks upwards, towards an unknowable heaven, and an even more mysterious Lord. The fifth Horseman, Comedy, rides rough over the plains, and trumpets the true end. Somewhere, a child is born, and does not cry, but instead laughs. A man on trial for murder laughs as the prosecution delivers expert testimony; the judge, while in the middle of chastising him, laughs as well. As does the family of the victim, and then the entire court. The victim, long dead and stiff with cold, laughs, muffled by the confines of the morgue shelf they are in. They are joined by many more muffled laughs. If they are alive, if only for one second, it is to laugh, and nothing more. A new constellation forms in the sky, and it forms the letters L, O, and L. Brighter than the moon, they shine down upon all providence, and all who see it know what makes the world. Not pain, or cold reason, but laughter. Pure laughter.
"Hey, Sheldon!"
>Nervous titters resonate throughout the studio, as the live audience prepares themselves for what will undoubtedly be the highlight of their pathetic lives.
"What is it?"
>The audience starts to moan in anticipation, some of them sweating profusely and gripping the sides of their heads like moray eels in a vicegrip, fighting the urge to erupt in explosive laughter.
"Just wondering what you'd like to watch tonight: Star Trek, or Chainsaws: The Silent Killer?"
>After a tense second, a loud pop comes from the audience. A middle aged woman has exploded, literally bursting in expectation, leaving nothing but a pile of giggling remains and a bloody pair of legs. Nobody in the audience notices, though, as they could be robbed, raped, and preached to without having their attention turned from the display ahead of them. And then, the moment arrives:
"Neither, I'm turning in early tonight."
>The audience no longer understands what is happening or what has just happened. Their bodies, no longer sensitive to anything but sheer hysterical laughter, inflate and deflate so rapidly as they bellow out shrills of uncontrollable enjoyment that they start an atmospheric reaction. The sudden change in pressure in the atmosphere causes the very air to move back and forth, until the oceans start to surge back and forth in massive waves. The audience members one by one begin to hyper expand until they produce a thermonuclear explosion so large, it incinerates the atmosphere. The atmosphere rapidly burns until all that remains of the planet earth is steam, ash, and charred bones vibrating in what sounds like the cries of a thousand unborn babies.
