Single Woman or Baby Mama?

[Yo Mama]

I wish people would stop saying this. I've yet to meet any married people or people looking to get married say they want to be married because of a certificate. People get married for religious purposes, not only Christians but all religions, as well as the benefits that come with marriage. I don't know why people like to reduce marriage to being nothing but a piece of paper, people have been getting married well before government got involved and it was always an important step towards creating functional families.

As far as black women, that's just a horrible thing to say. Every other woman, be they white or Asian, can have the expectation to get married and no one tells them marriage isn't important or means nothing. Only black women are told to settle for less or that marriage is meaningless for us. Only is the idea of marriage being nothing more than a mere certificate sold to black women smh.

Black women already get married less than everyone and we see how this turned out. We are a community of broken families afraid of commitment and black women settling. And let's not kid ourselves, this narrative is only sold to us black Americans, I highly doubt Nigerians, Somalis, Jamaicans, etc women are sold this belief. Smh.

I see what you are saying.

But there are some women who need to hear that marriage is not the it and end all. Some will put up with anything than risk being single or divorced.

Many infected with hiv, abused, maimed.. Will hold on till he kills or eventually kicks her out.

 

[Malt-O-Meal]

I see what you are saying.

But there are some women who need to hear that marriage is not the it and end all. Some will put up with anything than risk being single or divorced.

Many infected with hiv, abused, maimed.. Will hold on till he kills or eventually kicks her out.

This is true. I suppose I feel like one doesn't have to negative either way. But ultimately you are correct.

 

[Yo Mama]

This is true. I suppose I feel like one doesn't have to negative either way. But ultimately you are correct.

Its a matter of time. Marriage will evetually become obsolete. Being married or unmarried will be seen as the same.

Not in our lifetime though.

 

[Malt-O-Meal]

Its a matter of time. Marriage will evetually become obsolete. Being married or unmarried will be seen as the same.

Not in our lifetime though.

I don't think it'll become obsolete. I just think people are jaded. Government getting into marriage complicated things but I understand why it was done. Ultimately I think people in general just have commitment issues and are selfish. You get rid of marriage and the underlying issues still remain. People talk about how there can be commitment without marriage but I've rarely seen this. You have to look no further at our community to see this. All these broken homes with multiple disjointed families and most were never married.

 

[KinksandCoils]

How long y'all have been together before he is willing to marry should depend on age.

Like if y'all got together at 16 and you are now 21 I would say it wouldn't look wrong for him to not be ready . I think the older u get the faster they should know what they want. At 27 I expect to be getting a ring within 3 years max of a relationship.

I'm not doing no 7 yr commited relationship crap.

 

[Cynic]

I don't think it'll become obsolete. I just think people are jaded. Government getting into marriage complicated things but I understand why it was done. Ultimately I think people in general just have commitment issues and are selfish. You get rid of marriage and the underlying issues still remain. People talk about how there can be commitment without marriage but I've rarely seen this. You have to look no further at our community to see this. All these broken homes with multiple disjointed families and most were never married.

Organized religion and societal stigma are gone ... traditionalism cannot strive
without these two. Not to mention, previous generations of women depended
on men rather the government/state/themselves to generate money.

With women becoming more aggressive/successful their expectations rise
and there's only a few men that meet the "criteria" now... but these men aren't settling down

Well the smart ones aren't......

Its a matter of time. Marriage will evetually become obsolete. Being married or unmarried will be seen as the same.

Not in our lifetime though.

It already is in some cohabitation states.......

 

[GoldCoastSaint]

It is downplaying it. No one in this thread criticized anyone who says they don't want to be married. I even answered I'd rather be single regarding the op's question. If the person doesn't want to be married, more power to them. All I'm saying is not to reduce marriage to being just a certificate or a piece of paper or saying married people cheat too, etc. That's downplaying marriage, just because you may not see the benefit doesn't mean there is none to someone else. Crazy how you tried to spin it as if I or anyone was attacking people who don't want to get married when it's the opposite.
As shown below:



No one here, I definitely didn't, ever said a woman should tangle her life up with someone she doesn't want to be with. So where this came from I don't know. I did agree with the last point hence me saying it goes for BOTH sides. Neither group needs to put down the other's decision or turn it into a negative. I'm just calling out the group who is being negative, which is the anti-marriage people, whom reduced the meaning of marriage. They were the critical ones. No one said anything negative or sideways about those who don't want to get married. Smh

Wtf are you talking about? I didnt address my first comment to you. Girl if you wanna get married then do it. Im married. I obviously have no problems with marriage but if someone else does then I don't see the problem with them living their life as they see fit.

You act like I stopped your ass at the alter or something.

 

[Giselle]

I'd take the 7 year commitment w/o a child. I don't ever plan to get legally married cause I ain't splitting my doe if homie decides to up and leave one day. BW need to stop thinking a marriage certificate is the end all be all. Married men cheat just as much as botfriends. A certificate just makes it harder to get rid of him (or you).

That is why I will be getting a prenupt with a cheating clause.
In my state I can sue him and everyone involved with him cheating including his friends and the heauxs, and that is exactly what I plan to do.

Move on to what exactly ? You're 37 not 22. The pickings wont be as lucrative as they were during your peak.


Marriage in the West isn't really in any mans best interests. He's smart.

She said 30, there are lots of single 30+ people. A growing number actually. The pickings aren't slim these days for older people. The only issues older people have with meeting others is where to meet as there aren't many meet up spots, but lots of them are beginning to look online.

I guess you would let your age scare you into settleing for any woman? Even a cheater or someone who barely likes you just so you can say you have someone? That's sad.

How old are you and are you married or single?

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

Marriage and no divorce. Everybody on my mother and father's side of the family have marriages of 30+ yrs or longer.

I wouldn't even know what child support laws are about. We're country people. We don't cohabitate because tradition, family names and building legacies and joining families in all ways mean a lot. If a man loves and respects you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, there is no reason why he wouldn't step out on faith in you and you in him and join both of you together in every way possible.

And as a sidenote, any man I marry will need to understand that my folks don't do that old folk homes shyt. Our elders live with us and we take care of them and keep them near. Personally I would feel slighted if a man did not want to give me a rite as old as time itself.

 

[Cynic]

That is why I will be getting a prenupt with a cheating clause.
In my state I can sue him and everyone involved with him cheating including his friends and the heauxs, and that is exactly what I plan to do.



She said 30, there are lots of single 30+ people. A growing number actually. The pickings aren't slim these days for older people. The only issues older people have with meeting others is where to meet as there aren't many meet up spots, but lots of them are beginning to look online.

I guess you would let your age scare you into settleing for any woman? Even a cheater or someone who barely likes you just so you can say you have someone? That's sad.

How old are you and are you married or single?

"At age 37 would you rather be a girlfriend/baby mama in a 7 year committed relationship, or single still"

She distinctly said at age 37 in that original post...

There is a difference in value between the sexes at that age. A woman still single at that age either has other priorities ie corporate success or squandered her prime ....

I'm not "scared" of anything, I can make the conscious pragmatic decision to protect myself and my financial/mental health.

I'm team #GMB and come from a two parent nuclear family.

One of my mentors is a retired 70 year old financier bachelor who regularly dumps 35 year old women. He's a 10 language polygot and has built neighborhoods in impoverished india/Philippines and lead a fantastic life.

I'm not as wealthy as he is yet due to my youth but if I stay in the Western world. I'd probably follow his path.

 

[Malt-O-Meal]

Wtf are you talking about? I didnt address my first comment to you. Girl if you wanna get married then do it. Im married. I obviously have no problems with marriage but if someone else does then I don't see the problem with them living their life as they see fit.

You act like I stopped your ass at the alter or something.

I don't know why you're in your feelings, all this has nothing to do with what I said.

Look at post #22, you quoted me. I said it was downplaying and you said it's not, so I explained further. I swear some of y'all just want to argue or get in your feelings too easy.

Girl it ain't that serious for all that cursing.

 

[GoldCoastSaint]

I don't know why you're in your feelings, all this has nothing to do with what I said.

Look at post #22, you quoted me. I said it was downplaying and you said it's not, so I explained further. I swear some of y'all just want to argue or get in your feelings too easy.

Girl it ain't that serious for all that cursing.

YOU QUOTED ME FIRST!

 

[Cognito]

I agree that after 2 years of a commited relationship you pretty much can see if you want to be married. But I think its unwise to marry someone unless you feel for sure your relationship is tight and deep. Instead of superficial. Too many people get married off just attraction and shallow reasons which when problems happen the relationship goes to shyt.
So the smart thing is to have a two years relationship two to three years Fiancee.

 

[threattonature]

shyt for me as a man within six months I have a good idea in my head if I want to marry a woman or not. Not that I would be in a rush to actually get married. But if by that time in my head if I'm not telling myself that this is a woman I want to put a ring on then I usually end it as I feel I'm wasting both of our time. To me a woman can also do things to work themselves out of being considered marriage material but ain't much they can do to work themselves into becoming marriage material in my eyes.

 

[Selena]

Hmm. This is actually a good question. I don't really care too much about the thought of marriage right now then again at age 37, I don't want to still be searching either. I dunno. I guess if we decide we want kids, I'd rather be married.

So I guess I'd choose single (and childless). That baby mama life ain't for me.