Single Woman or Baby Mama?

[Tae]

Coli Brehettes I was talking to my friend the other day who is against long term relationships and out of wedlock kids. She said a man should know if he wants to marry you 2 years into the relationship, if he's waiting until he gets his money/career up (and is actually working toward that) is one thing, but if he say's he's still not sure he's simply dragging you along.

I sort of agree

But part of me also feels it is it better to have a simply have someone to love and come home to no matter if you are legally married or not.

At age 37 would you rather be a girlfriend/baby mama in a 7 year committed relationship, or single still in search of Mr. Right?

Lurking Coli brehs ...do you agree that a man knows if he wants to marry a woman 2 years into the relationship?

 

[Rawtid]

I'd rather be single,not really looking and successfully co-parenting (if applicable). No such thing as "Mr. Right" but if there were and you're seven years deep with no marriage, he's definitely not it.

 

[BabyGrl1990]

Single woman

 

[Jasmine20]

Single because I'm gonna be very unhappy in that other situation.

 

[Black Barbie]

Single.

 

[™BlackPearl The Empress™]

I'd take the 7 year commitment w/o a child. I don't ever plan to get legally married cause I ain't splitting my doe if homie decides to up and leave one day. BW need to stop thinking a marriage certificate is the end all be all. Married men cheat just as much as botfriends. A certificate just makes it harder to get rid of him (or you).

 

[BaileyPark31]

Single....

Being in a committed marriage is my preference...

 

[Malt-O-Meal]

I'd take the 7 year commitment w/o a child. I don't ever plan to get legally married cause I ain't splitting my doe if homie decides to up and leave one day. BW need to stop thinking a marriage certificate is the end all be all. Married men cheat just as much as botfriends. A certificate just makes it harder to get rid of him (or you).

I wish people would stop saying this. I've yet to meet any married people or people looking to get married say they want to be married because of a certificate. People get married for religious purposes, not only Christians but all religions, as well as the benefits that come with marriage. I don't know why people like to reduce marriage to being nothing but a piece of paper, people have been getting married well before government got involved and it was always an important step towards creating functional families.

As far as black women, that's just a horrible thing to say. Every other woman, be they white or Asian, can have the expectation to get married and no one tells them marriage isn't important or means nothing. Only black women are told to settle for less or that marriage is meaningless for us. Only is the idea of marriage being nothing more than a mere certificate sold to black women smh.

Black women already get married less than everyone and we see how this turned out. We are a community of broken families afraid of commitment and black women settling. And let's not kid ourselves, this narrative is only sold to us black Americans, I highly doubt Nigerians, Somalis, Jamaicans, etc women are sold this belief. Smh.

 

[GoldCoastSaint]

I'd take the 7 year commitment w/o a child. I don't ever plan to get legally married cause I ain't splitting my doe if homie decides to up and leave one day. BW need to stop thinking a marriage certificate is the end all be all. Married men cheat just as much as botfriends. A certificate just makes it harder to get rid of him (or you).

This!

Im happily married and tell anyone who will listen the same thing. Marriage can be beautiful but women do waaay too much for a ring. Living with disrespect is never worth it. A husband that lies, ignores, cheats, abuses will only ruin you. Better to stay single.

Also, if a woman really doesn't want the rest of her life tangled with someone else I see nothing wrong with her making a conscious decision to never get married. People need to let people be who they are.

 

[™BlackPearl The Empress™]

I wish people would stop saying this. I've yet to meet any married people or people looking to get married say they want to be married because of a certificate. People get married for religious purposes, not only Christians but all religions, as well as the benefits that come with marriage. I don't know why people like to reduce marriage to being nothing but a piece of paper, people have been getting married well before government got involved and it was always an important step towards creating functional families.

As far as black women, that's just a horrible thing to say. Every other woman, be they white or Asian, can have the expectation to get married and no one tells them marriage isn't important or means nothing. Only black women are told to settle for less or that marriage is meaningless for us. Only is the idea of marriage being nothing more than a mere certificate sold to black women smh.

Black women already get married less than everyone and we see how this turned out. We are a community of broken families afraid of commitment and black women settling. And let's not kid ourselves, this narrative is only sold to us black Americans, I highly doubt Nigerians, Somalis, Jamaicans, etc women are sold this belief. Smh.

I said LEGALLY married so all that is mute unless you can explain how a marriage with a certificate is better than one without one.

 

[™BlackPearl The Empress™]

This!

Im happily married and tell anyone who will listen the same thing. Marriage can be beautiful but women do waaay too much for a ring. Living with disrespect is never worth it. A husband that lies, ignores, cheats, abuses will only ruin you. Better to stay single.

Also, if a woman really doesn't want the rest of her life tangled with someone else I see nothing wrong with her making a conscious decision to never get married. People need to let people be who they are.

Most women are so focused on the "goal" that they never take the time to intellectualise the subject. I don't think they actually weight the pros and cons. I know a good number of people who are unhappily married but won't divorced b/c of the financial burden it would place on them. I have nothing against it but I think a lot of people do it for all the wrong reasons. There is a reason the legal divorce rate is so high.

 

[m0rninggl0ry]

Single

 

[Malt-O-Meal]

I said LEGALLY married so all that is mute unless you can explain how a marriage with a certificate is better than one without one.

Those are facts nothing moot about it. And there are benefits to getting married, it's why the LGBT community has fought for marriage. Benefits include tax free inheritance, cheaper health insurance (spouses can be on each other's job insurance), spousal contributions to retirement plans such as IRAs, social security, and pensions, of your spouse is incapacitated you have rights to make decisions, loans, family rates, etc. The list goes on. Most of these are not available to non-married cohabitars. Let's not be disingenuous.

 

[Malt-O-Meal]

This!

Im happily married and tell anyone who will listen the same thing. Marriage can be beautiful but women do waaay too much for a ring. Living with disrespect is never worth it. A husband that lies, ignores, cheats, abuses will only ruin you. Better to stay single.

Also, if a woman really doesn't want the rest of her life tangled with someone else I see nothing wrong with her making a conscious decision to never get married. People need to let people be who they are.

On both fronts. You don't have to get married but don't downplay marriage. It's annoying how marriage has been reduced to being nothing more than a piece of paper. People often quote the divorce rate and overlook the other 50% who don't divorce. It seems to me like a personal issue as opposed to there being something wrong with marriage.

 

[™BlackPearl The Empress™]

Those are facts nothing moot about it. And there are benefits to getting married, it's why the LGBT community has fought for marriage. Benefits include tax free inheritance, cheaper health insurance (spouses can be on each other's job insurance), spousal contributions to retirement plans such as IRAs, social security, and pensions, of your spouse is incapacitated you have rights to make decisions, loans, family rates, etc. The list goes on. Most of these are not available to non-married cohabitars. Let's not be disingenuous.

First, It's moot when you are arguing against a point I never made.

Second, so basically legal marriage is beneficial because it saves you money and gives you rights over your spouse; making it a business decision. Which is nothing like your first post. But it speaks more to my original point so I can get with that. Saving money and legal rights are great but as a business decision do the benefits really out way the potential lose considering that the majority of marriages end and that a percentage of those that do stay in tact often don't split b/c of the financial burden it would place on them? "Cheaper to keep her." That depends on your personally circumstances. There are ways to save money and have share legal rights without marriage.

Again, my original statement was that LEGAL marriage is not the end all be all. The statements above prove why. It's a business contract and has nothing to do with the actual partnership, loyalty, religion, love and most of the reasons you mentioned in your first post. You can be legally marriage and have none of those things.

For me personally, I don't need to control the assets of the person I'm with nor am I willing to potential split my hard earned money to save a few dollars. But, that's just me.

Edit: Also, I forgot to add that you take on your spouse's debts and liabilities.