Should I break up with my fiancé?

[Yo Mama]

The red flag - Typically when a person is pushing for a relationship/marriage at breakneck speed, they're hiding issues from you. They want you to be emotionally invested and attached so that they can use it to their advantage whenever they do decide to start revealing their issues...if they ever do. Pay attention.

 

[Yo Mama]

Dude dropped out of school and didn't tell you until months afterwards. Flag on the play, a huge red flag at that.

That's not something you do in a marriage or in a very serious relationship. Overlook it at your own peril

 

[Yo Mama]

All the posters have given you excellent advice. Cant believe it's the coli.

Do not rush into this marriage OP. Finish school first and get some counselling from your religious leaders. I think this might help bring more Issues/secrets to the surface.

I cannot stress this enough - be 100+% honest with your family. Esp your parents.

Don't wait to see what happens. Discuss it all with him. Expectations, fears... communication is key. Listen as well as you speak. Its easier to say it all now than wait for after marriage to talk about all this.

I hate to say it but it really sounds like he probably has something bigger hidden which will come to light once you are married. If he can hold on to this for months and pretend like hes been going to school all along... Added to that you plan to move to a majority muslim country once married... I feel you will feel somewhat trapped, not necessarily because of Islamic law but because marriage isn't a joke, its not so simple to walk away from.

Communicate. And let him know that you care about his schooling in as far as it benefits the family. Not because of superficial status reasons. If he says school is not for him you might have to accept that and mary him as is.

You say he is into traditional gender roles? Hopefully your being more educated, having a highrer earning potential... wont eventually get in the way.

You say he is a "alpha male" thats good. Dont ever mary a man/woman you do not respect.

This might sound trite or cliché but pray for yourself, him and your future together.

 

[LauderdaleBoss]

Real shyt, I'll keep it simple.

I think you and dude are on two different trajectories in life and he's slowly realizing it and waiting to see if you do as well.

Whenever a nikka can't give up answers to point blank questions, you have to read in between the lines and study the context clues. Sounds like he desperately needs you to have his back, but he doesn't know how to break it to you so rushing the marriage is his best way in his mind to bridging the gap.

If I were you, I'd break it off. Marriage won't fix this and both of you will prolly resent each other for keeping the other away from their destiny.

Good luck.

 

[Buttercantmelt]

I'm not going to lie to you, he sounds shady asf. Sincere advice, tell your family 100000%. I'm assuming he's Syrian, Iraqi, Palestinian or some sort of Levantine. I've heard of similar stories unfold and it never ends well. I'm Muslim and from a Muslim majority country and I've always had the intention to move there and help build the country. I've discussed this with non-Muslim GFs IRL and I'm well aware of the fact that it's not an attractive option but I wouldn't tell them to hide something like that from their family. Major red flag. I might be going OTT but suddenly him trying to trap you financially pales in comparison.

I know what your saying, but I don't think he meant it in a bad way. I have loads of brothers and uncles, aswell as my dad and their over protective. He's not big on talking about his feelings so that's probably what it was all about before. It'll be fine I'll tell my family eventually in my own way. Thanks for your advice

 

[Buttercantmelt]

All the posters have given you excellent advice. Cant believe it's the coli.

Do not rush into this marriage OP. Finish school first and get some counselling from your religious leaders. I think this might help bring more Issues/secrets to the surface.

I cannot stress this enough - be 100+% honest with your family. Esp your parents.

Don't wait to see what happens. Discuss it all with him. Expectations, fears... communication is key. Listen as well as you speak. Its easier to say it all now than wait for after marriage to talk about all this.

I hate to say it but it really sounds like he probably has something bigger hidden which will come to light once you are married. If he can hold on to this for months and pretend like hes been going to school all along... Added to that you plan to move to a majority muslim country once married... I feel you will feel somewhat trapped, not necessarily because of Islamic law but because marriage isn't a joke, its not so simple to walk away from.

Communicate. And let him know that you care about his schooling in as far as it benefits the family. Not because of superficial status reasons. If he says school is not for him you might have to accept that and mary him as is.

You say he is into traditional gender roles? Hopefully your being more educated, having a highrer earning potential... wont eventually get in the way.

You say he is a "alpha male" thats good. Dont ever mary a man/woman you do not respect.

This might sound trite or cliché but pray for yourself, him and your future together.

It doesn't sound cliche at all, I've been doing that. Yeah we're talking now and I'll make sure to tell my family eventually. I think I freaked out because it just came out of the blue and the whole going out of the country sooner thing, I basically panicked and assumed the worst. I know how important communication is so I'll deffo be sure to be doing that.

 

[Buttercantmelt]

Real shyt, I'll keep it simple.

I think you and dude are on two different trajectories in life and he's slowly realizing it and waiting to see if you do as well.

Whenever a nikka can't give up answers to point blank questions, you have to read in between the lines and study the context clues. Sounds like he desperately needs you to have his back, but he doesn't know how to break it to you so rushing the marriage is his best way in his mind to bridging the gap.

If I were you, I'd break it off. Marriage won't fix this and both of you will prolly resent each other for keeping the other away from their destiny.

Good luck.

I think he just didn't know how to articulate his feelings etc, we've spoken since then. I think we'll be fine it's not like we're getting married tomorrow so if any red flags come up I'll be ready. I'm glad it's not what I thought it was. Thanks for your advice

 

[StickStickly]

what's living in luxury to him? sometimes this is code for "we're gonna be struggling". listen to your intuition. your intuition is right most of the time. you don't want to be trapped. and if you're moving to a different country will you be isolated from family? will the law allow you to leave if worse comes to worse? maybe it's time for a family heart to heart.

 

[vicioustalk]

Well. This is just my two cents if things seem a little weird put a hold on the wedding not calling it of just a hold...date a little while longer to see where it goes if things don't work out at least you can call your losses and leave .. which would u rather marry the guy get to the point where you rly can't and then file for divorce Cuz let me tell you not only are weddings expensive so are divorce. I do belive as well you need to get more from him and I say that because at this point you main focus is on finance but there are so much more ..yes your religious but does he show you love doesn't have to be pda could be he's thoughtful ..in tuned to your needs like if your sick would he make you or buy you a cup of soup. If he's shopping for himself and see something that makes him think hey she would love that...Cuz let me tell you financial issues will always come up in a relationship ALWAYS!! and probably more difficult then the current one ur in now you know the ones where someone looses a job and now you guys are tight on money and that type of stress will be hard on a relationship. Another thing is will he pull his weight not just financially but in the house..does he expect you to do everything while he sits on the couch or will this be a equal effort in which chore are divided equally. Cuz if he expects you to do everything and u find this out after you get married lol there will be problems ..

So I think you guys need to date a little while longer before jumping the broom. I don't know why he's in a hurry to get married to me that would have me wondering what's going on

Maybe if you focus on your education maybe he'll see how important it is and it'll make him want the same for himself

BTW a degree doesn't always equate to a good job. Or a good paying job.I have a degree in HR and I work in a call center

I have friends with masters and PhD and they can't get a job they're told once to many times their over qualified so they have to settle with whatever cuz something needs to pay the bills

Food for thought

 

[vicioustalk]

Oh and another thing things change decisions change so it's possible he may have changed his mind about school that's so normal you shouldn't feel like he blindsided you....he's human we are entitled to change our minds. But if he's going go change his mind he should of told you n given you the game plan

 

[Tribaligenesis]

Are you Somali, if so I'd have a talk with either off your parents, to follow through with a wedding when a situation like this arises, will only create resentment in the long run. try and resolve it first, get it all out in the open, it's quite important that he does get to hear your side off things.

 

[Buttercantmelt]

Oh and another thing things change decisions change so it's possible he may have changed his mind about school that's so normal you shouldn't feel like he blindsided you....he's human we are entitled to change our minds. But if he's going go change his mind he should of told you n given you the game plan

Thanks for your advice it was really thoughtful, sadly we're not together anymore, broke up few days ago. By moving he actually wanted to go to Syria to help out.

 

[Buttercantmelt]

Are you Somali, if so I'd have a talk with either off your parents, to follow through with a wedding when a situation like this arises, will only create resentment in the long run. try and resolve it first, get it all out in the open, it's quite important that he does get to hear your side off things.

Yeah I am Somali but that's not necessary it's over. It ended. Thanks for your input. I'm off guys for a long while now.

 

[vicioustalk]

Thanks for your advice it was really thoughtful, sadly we're not together anymore, broke up few days ago. By moving he actually wanted to go to Syria to help out.

I guess that was his calling..God luck you you girl..you'll find ur prince

 

[Yo Mama]

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