Renown Marriage Counselor ends 1-year Marriage for Lack of Sex...Is this right?!

[rapdonttweet]

Being desired seems to be the issue.



That's my thing...what are people getting married for? Ideally, you marry your best friend. The sex places it in another category, but that's just one component of a friendship that's now amorous. But I'd like to believe the friendship, dedication and commitment is strong enough to weather a lack of sex or a lack of passionate sex that stems from a strong desire to do so.

The expectation of consistent, passionate sex is low on the list when it comes to marriage...unless I primarily viewed my fiancee/wife as a sex object in the first place and/or married her because I was just ready to smash w/in the marriage concept.

So if this person is your everything and you know sex is important to them, why would you withhold it? If your s.o. is just going to be your best friend, then why would you marry them instead of letting them be your best friend? Intimacy is the primary function of a relationship. Sex is part of that. Even if you lose interest in it yourself, at the very least you should want to make your partner happy for the relationship to work.

What happened to dedication and commitment?

If I exchanged vows with the woman, I'm really trying to rock til death do us... And I'd like to believe if I value her as a person...as a woman, we'd get through it.

If you value her as a person then you're trying to keep her satisfied and work on the problem together. Not withholding sex and when your hand is forced going "meh, I'll just take these pills everytime you want to fukk." No wonder this woman bounced. The guy misrepresented himself and then showed complete apathy towards her completely normal needs.

 

[UserNameless]

So if this person is your everything and you know sex is important to them, why would you withhold it? If your s.o. is just going to be your best friend, then why would you marry them instead of letting them be your best friend? Intimacy is the primary function of a relationship. Sex is part of that. Even if you lose interest in it yourself, at the very least you should want to make your partner happy for the relationship to work.

I don't think he was withholding it. he just didn't desire sex and/or sex with her. But he got the pills, and said something to the effect of, "when you're ready let me know."

Very calculating and chilly response, but he seemed willing.

If you value her as a person then you're trying to keep her satisfied and work on the problem together. Not withholding sex and when your hand is forced going "meh, I'll just take these pills everytime you want to fukk." No wonder this woman bounced. The guy misrepresented himself and then showed complete apathy towards her completely normal needs.

Right. But he did go and get the pills. That's some willingness. It does seem that he misrepresented himself, and that's not cool.

But again, if I married my friend, hopefully my best human friend, then such challenges will arise and we work through it. If we're already married, and it has been 12 years, we're gonna let sex drive us apart?!

If so, what was the relationship built on? Did they even like or love each other from the jump?

And I feel you about the marrying part juxtaposed with remaining friends. I dunno if many women get that though because the ultimate prize that society places upon women is to get hitched.

But Jean Grae put it best, "A friendship is more important than a wedding ring."

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pIuYi2_ClA[/ame]

 

[Mr Uncle Leroy]

what kind of counselor is that? do all the thing to "fix" the marriage then leave? after all the things done then to find Viagra and then leave...thats a real supportive spouse

 

[rapdonttweet]

I don't think he was withholding it. he just didn't desire sex and/or sex with her. But he got the pills, and said something to the effect of, "when you're ready let me know."

Very calculating and chilly response, but he seemed willing.

She made him him go see the doctor in the first place. That's not willingness, that's reluctance. Let me put it from a guy's perspective. If you have a wife and every time you want sex she simply says "fine" and lies there, are you going to feel very loved? Hell no. There's absolutely no intimacy in that and it turns into becoming a chore. This is the love of your life we're talking about. If sex is a chore, something is very very wrong with the relationship.

But again, if I married my friend, hopefully my best human friend, then such challenges will arise and we work through it. If we're already married, and it has been 12 years, we're gonna let sex drive us apart?!

The article says she's been trying to work on this problem for 12 years. Honestly its her bad for sticking around in the first place when the guy has never been interested in working on the problem. No one should invest their life in something who isn't interested in making them happy.

If so, what was the relationship built on? Did they even like or love each other from the jump?

And I feel you about the marrying part juxtaposed with remaining friends. I dunno if many women get that though because the ultimate prize that society places upon women is to get hitched.

I don't know, only he and she can know about that. All I can say is that if there's a problem in my relationship and the other party isn't willing to work on it, its time to find someone who will.

I hope this woman wasn't a marriage counselor during those 12 years. Because she was clueless about relationships for most of it. It took her 11 years to get the husband involved in fixing the problem? That should have been the first thing she did. Fixing problems in a relationship require both people to be invested in finding a solution.

 

[Turbulent]

She made him him go see the doctor in the first place. That's not willingness, that's reluctance. Let me put it from a guy's perspective. If you have a wife and every time you want sex she simply says "fine" and lies there, are you going to feel very loved? Hell no. There's absolutely no intimacy in that and it turns into becoming a chore. This is the love of your life we're talking about. If sex is a chore, something is very very wrong with the relationship.



The article says she's been trying to work on this problem for 12 years. Honestly its her bad for sticking around in the first place when the guy has never been interested in working on the problem. No one should invest their life in something who isn't interested in making them happy.



I don't know, only he and she can know about that. All I can say is that if there's a problem in my relationship and the other party isn't willing to work on it, its time to find someone who will.

I hope this woman wasn't a marriage counselor during those 12 years. Because she was clueless about relationships for most of it. It took her 11 years to get the husband involved in fixing the problem? That should have been the first thing she did. Fixing problems in a relationship require both people to be invested in finding a solution.

i see it from both sides. but the more i think about it, the more i'm starting to think she's not telling the whole story. her shyt just doesn't add up. it seems more like a hit piece to me than anything else. the whole article was really about getting back at her husband and absolving herself from all responsibility.

dude just out of the blue decided to snap at her with the "this is viagra, whenever you want sex just ask for it"? this was unprovoked? dude just went cold after the wedding? something fishy about her whole story...

 

[AZBeauty]

Sex in marriage is very important...its a form of intimacy and if you are lacking that it will begin to affect other areas.

 

[UserNameless]

She made him him go see the doctor in the first place. That's not willingness, that's reluctance. Let me put it from a guy's perspective. If you have a wife and every time you want sex she simply says "fine" and lies there, are you going to feel very loved? Hell no. There's absolutely no intimacy in that and it turns into becoming a chore. This is the love of your life we're talking about. If sex is a chore, something is very very wrong with the relationship.

He went. That's willingness... after the reluctance.

And if she's paying her half of the bills and doing everything else, fukk it. I'll get myself right. 'Til death do us.

The article says she's been trying to work on this problem for 12 years. Honestly its her bad for sticking around in the first place when the guy has never been interested in working on the problem. No one should invest their life in something who isn't interested in making them happy.

True.

I don't know, only he and she can know about that. All I can say is that if there's a problem in my relationship and the other party isn't willing to work on it, its time to find someone who will.

Challenges will always crop up...and it's not guaranteed that one partner will immediately work on it. Granted, 12 years is a looooooong, time...but if your partner doesn't immediately address the issue, then you're gonna file for divorce?

Fixing problems in a relationship require both people to be invested in finding a solution.

True.

 

[duck]

who would want to do business with a divorced marriage counselor??

ya'll wouldnt want to hire a fatty for a personal trainer, right?

 

[rapdonttweet]

Challenges will always crop up...and it's not guaranteed that one partner will immediately work on it. Granted, 12 years is a looooooong, time...but if your partner doesn't immediately address the issue, then you're gonna file for divorce?

He knew she wanted sex. Maybe she didn't push him hard, but he knew what she wanted and ignored it the first 11 years. When she finally forced him to get help, he did the bare minimum and wasn't into it. That's not the actions of a real partner.

What I'm saying is that if I'm with something, and I communicate with them that sex is important to me (or anything else for that matter) and they still don't make an effort, it says something about them. It says they aren't invested in the relationship. Some people just get married for the sake of getting married. It seems more like this guy just wanted a wife, rather than wanting to be with this specific woman. Don't think of it as 12 years of them being married, think of it as 12 years of him ignoring her wants/needs. A best friend wouldn't spend 12 years letting their partner suffer.