Essential Quick Lil Gems on Dealing with Women

re'up

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No i have no kids yet. It's why i'm thinking this hard about the relationship as i know that once (or if) we do have kids there is no going back and im locked in.

It's funny, when i was single i got bored of the single life and meaningless sex/lack of focus etc and i was looking back at my life at 30 asking myself what i had achieved/what could i show of my progress in life. I decided that i wanted to settle down with that one person and have a serious serious relationship (marriage, kids, the whole 9 yard etc) plus i knew that i was getting bored of the casual sex/life.

Now that i'm in a relationship by mind constantly drifts towards being single as i'm seeing the perks. What i really want is to Grow and meet the person i believe i can be but in terms of relationship i do want to settle down and have children in the future (not right now).

What's really bugging me is the lack of sex as this is what i feed off on (brings me happiness) and i know how easy it would be for me to get it if i became single.

Two things, our brains are wired to 'come down' from the pleasure we experience. We have to come down, so we can go back up. It's the idea that our brains are always trying to go back to neutral. So, whether you are single, or in a relationship, the highs of both things will come down, eventually. You get used to the highs of love, sex, lust, it doesn't go away, but it lessens. Our brains adapt and adjust to any situation.

The second thing is you can work on the sex. Not easy for a lot of people to talk about. But, both parties have to be open/willing. You can go from a 7 to a ten with some pretty basic communication. Lots of people don't really actively work on, or think about their sex life, they are so happy to just be having it, or having it available.
 

Space Cowboy

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I will say though, y'all, to be careful of when women gas you up. Many women will use compliments as a way to manipulate. She'll say you're this, you're that, and you'll start to believe it. Then she pulls the rug up from under you and to make you doubt yourself, allowing her to manipulate you so you are in her good graces again. Women that are spiders, snakes, or demons participate in such devilry. Be careful whether you receive praise or criticism. Both can be used for evil.
 

re'up

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A healthy ego, vs. one that needs constant validation is important. A sense of self, and authentic confidence, that is not over dependent on the validation of others. We all see ourselves through the eyes of others, at the same time, so what others say about us, matters. We shape ourselves based on the reactions we get from others, it's inherent part of our biology and society.

Most of the time, compliments are genuine, but the context in which they appear is important. I get so many that I don't think they are all making it up, and so many on the same areas, from different people. Compliments and flattery also aren't zero sum things, I'm really genuine with it, I won't say it if I don't believe it, but I also know the affect that it can have.
 

MikelArteta

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Thoughts on this situation?

Few months back I dm'd a girl that was just my type - black, Christian, thin, feminine, girly, dresses modestly, 12 years younger than me (30's and she's mid-20's). I hit her with the most bold shyt I could come up with: "I'm going to make you a mom." She liked it, and we been hitting it off. She's real shy, which is good because I'm real bold and know how to escalate. This allows me to lead the relationship with ease and makes her instant submissive.

Today friends of opposite sex came up and I told her point blank that if she's with me she's not allowed to have male friends and if she does the two of us are done.She asked why and I told her why. She told me she understood perfectly and reflected on her past dealings with male "friends" and said I was right and would cut them off. Then she brought up how a man that orbits and tries to be her "friend"is completely different than how I handled things and told her my intentions ASAP. She said,"I said to myself this is a real man and I want him."

Now fellas, thoughts on "real man"? I don't know why but hearing that put alarm bells in my head. Maybe it's because I've heard the female "if you were a real man..." guilt trip from single mothers.

Am I bugging? I bet she's blowing smoke up my ass. I didn't even say thank you to that shyt.

No such things as male friends. Just men who want to smash, men who have smashed, or man who hope to smash.
 

skyrunner1

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No i have no kids yet. It's why i'm thinking this hard about the relationship as i know that once (or if) we do have kids there is no going back and im locked in.

It's funny, when i was single i got bored of the single life and meaningless sex/lack of focus etc and i was looking back at my life at 30 asking myself what i had achieved/what could i show of my progress in life. I decided that i wanted to settle down with that one person and have a serious serious relationship (marriage, kids, the whole 9 yard etc) plus i knew that i was getting bored of the casual sex/life.

Now that i'm in a relationship by mind constantly drifts towards being single as i'm seeing the perks. What i really want is to Grow and meet the person i believe i can be but in terms of relationship i do want to settle down and have children in the future (not right now).

What's really bugging me is the lack of sex as this is what i feed off on (brings me happiness) and i know how easy it would be for me to get it if i became single.
Got you, mind you I am not your target audience for who you wanted to respond but in mid/late 30s who probably passed up on atleast 3 good ones tryna find whatever the fukk I was at time and all close boys are married and have had to talk a couple off the ledge and let them know aint shyt in these streets. Mind you, I know them and their significant other so its different as I dont know your situation. I remember I was at happy hour with a close breh and he was talking about issues and then he was like breh we can get the boat/jet skis and do it like old times thinking I was gonna co sign, I had to hit him with the :gucci:.. Like if you dont go home and figure that shyt out, lol.. Mind you his girl at time hated me because I was the single friend that all my boys used as scapegoat. That changed when he told her I kept it real with him and they worked it out, now Im favorite bro in law and godfather to the youngest.. :obama:But breh, life is about moving thru stages, regardless if you ready or not, you cant go back home lol. We got no choice but to mature in the game, I am a big believer that the game changes every 4-5 years for every individual playa. Also when we get what we want, we want what we had, like the little kid who dont even look at a toy anymore but then another toddler pop up and see the neglected dusty toy now jit want to cry and try to snatch it out they hands. Its human nature, that why we need to have absolute clear vision of what we want to stay on the mission. 5 years is ALOT to invest in someone and not know what the move is. Obviously you invested TIME and money, is she an asset to your mission? Does she share your vision? You in the estate building stage, its hard to do that and juggle multiple women.

It really depends on if she is of quality, and does she check off the majority of boxes to help with family and kids (only reason I think for brehs to get married, right?) Also have to be mature and understand no women gonna check off EVERY box, just like brehs wont meet the 1000 requirements women have. But what are the deal breakers, can they be worked around, what are the good qualities, I can tell you ALOT of women lack even the basics and the soil is not even fertile to try to till.

I know you mentioned lack of sex is an issue, that can be a big problem, especially if we talking even before having kids cuz I seen alot change after. Is it an asexual thing or can it be worked on, that might be a deal breaker, not sure I ever dealt with that so its tough on how to handle.

Hope this ramble helped some, about to hit this Calle ocho quick and then Jazz in the Gardens (I already know the tributes for Angie Stone and D'wayne Wiggins gonna be serious :mjcry:). The talent :whew:, Enjoy the sunday brehs :salute:
 

Space Cowboy

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A healthy ego, vs. one that needs constant validation is important. A sense of self, and authentic confidence, that is not over dependent on the validation of others. We all see ourselves through the eyes of others, at the same time, so what others say about us, matters. We shape ourselves based on the reactions we get from others, it's inherent part of our biology and society.

Most of the time, compliments are genuine, but the context in which they appear is important. I get so many that I don't think they are all making it up, and so many on the same areas, from different people. Compliments and flattery also aren't zero sum things, I'm really genuine with it, I won't say it if I don't believe it, but I also know the affect that it can have.
Good mindset. I'm just saying don't let stuff get to your head. It can make a man too comfortable.
 

havoc

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Live your own life
\\
:wow: had to put my hinge on pause, the love is tremendous

the best one is 28 year old digital marketer....not feeling the fact she is 5'3" :francis: I like my woman taller

The other one is 34, software developer, 5'11"....thats the one I truly desire so we will see where that goes

A 43 year old is down to hook up, told her I am not looking for any serious up front :manny:

With that said, I am looking to be in a relationship. Preferably within my age 32-35.
Enjoy your option while you have it.
 
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A healthy ego, vs. one that needs constant validation is important. A sense of self, and authentic confidence, that is not over dependent on the validation of others. We all see ourselves through the eyes of others, at the same time, so what others say about us, matters. We shape ourselves based on the reactions we get from others, it's inherent part of our biology and society.

Most of the time, compliments are genuine, but the context in which they appear is important. I get so many that I don't think they are all making it up, and so many on the same areas, from different people. Compliments and flattery also aren't zero sum things, I'm really genuine with it, I won't say it if I don't believe it, but I also know the affect that it can have.


Important post with many salient points made

:salute:
 
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