Days of Future Piff
Superstar
Don't believe me.
But when this nikka:
And Luigi finally speak to an editor for that Tell All Book, shyt's going to rock that whole universe.
We're talking about Diddy and his big homie Donkey Kong pushing keys in those jungle crates:
shyt is bigger than Iran-Contra...
Connect the dots, breh... If you look at Gannondorf and Bowser, ever ask yourself how they have that arsenal and those soldiers?
They don't work.
They provide the supply chain for DKB - known by the Feds as the Dapper Kong Brothers mentioned in DEA docket no. 1324-1984.
DKG Family
People think Donkey is the main one... Nah, he's the muscle. That nikka Diddy got Hyrule politician's cell phone numbers.
Their product was called "Jungle Fever"; it was packaged in these:
shyt was that woo woo, breh. Destroyed lives for people who had a high propensity for addiction. Remember Lil Mac?
Couple years back, nikka was on top, he even beat Mike Tyson in the ring.
After the money, he got caught up with that Jungle Fever. Couldn't handle it... Lost the talent, the endorsements. Now, he's somewhere in Hyrule burglarizing and smashing pots for rupees. shyt was sad.
Feds were talking about sending Samus in to shut down the operation, but apparently that nikka Wario somehow sent an envelope to her condo with pictures of her in some compromising situations with that nikka Solid snake.
Low key, Luigi going to make bread when that book drops but if he exposing these nikkas... I can't see him going anywhere safe. Diddy can touch nikkas in any kingdom.
You ain't hear this shyt from me. They'll never suspect a quiet ole cowboy to know so much.
*2 Months Later*
"Aye yo, John, heard you been running your mouth."
Get Scorcese on the phone
Hold up, this is actually making sense
This is why it took so long to have Earthbound re-released,
They had to put my dude Ness in witness protection before Porky's boys came through like...
Everyone thought it was all good after Giygas was stopped, but when that Jungle fever hit the streets of Onett, everything changed.
You had gang wars bodying the whole town after the Sharks wanted a piece of that action...
Until Porky Minch made the Sharks an offer they couldn't refuse like..
Because you know Captain Falcon wasn't about to stop any of this. Porky had all those F-zero pilots on his payroll, never mind the police and political protection he had from mayor Birkle and Captain Strong.
The streets became lethal after that--you had new age retro hippies in the streets begging for grams
On a real note, this is why most Nintendo characters don't talk. Mario knows those Dapper Kong Bros. put him on--Diddy and them had Miyamoto waking up with a severed Yoshi head in his bed like
The second anyone opens up knowing too much, those businessmen'll have 'em sleeping with the fishes...
Y'all ain't never wondered why every Zelda game has a different Link? 
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