It makes sense because he has too many people and memories making him second guess himself constantly.And butcher is too inconsistent for me. He's always flip flopping with his decisions
Huey (pseudo Lenny)
Ryan (only thing around that reminds him of his late wife)
Traumatic memories from his childhood.
He WANTS to go all the way but apart of him doesn't want to become a complete monster.
Since he is dying though, who knows