When you realize David was basically Rance. Literally exactly the same character
Odysseus is the GOAT scumbag in ancient literature Part 1
- Thread starter Mister Terrific
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When you realize David was basically Rance. Literally exactly the same character
Hercules tossed his wife and kid off the city walls and got kicked out of the Argonauts for bringing along a little boy to molest
Odin would like a word.
Dafunkdoc_Unlimited
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Set says 'Hi!'
Horus would say "Hey"
We are living in a world of illusion
its all an illusion until those bills come due.
www.thecoli.com
BigBlackSea
All Star
Ancient history stories is full of fukkery. Hercules and Atlas was on some bullshyt when the former had to get the Golden Apple.
Atlas was cursed to carry the world on his shoulders for all eternity, but Herc needed his help. So they swapped places, Herc carrying the world while Atlas gets the Apple.
Atlas comes back and is like "Nah fam, that's your job now, B."
Herc's like, "OK, I got you. Tell you what, I want to be a bit more comfortable if I'm going to be holding up the world forever, so hold the world for a second while I adjust my Golden Fleece (magic Kevlar made from sheep fur)."
Atlas obliges, and the minute the weight shifts onto his shoulders, Herc jumps out from under the earth and grabs the golden apple from Atlas.
Samson killing 1,000 dudes decked out in weapons and armor with some dried up donkey bones is a classic. Also when he burned up a whole bunch of crops after losing a bet.
Makes me miss AP World History in high school.
Those wily trickster characters were the best. Anasi and Br'er Rabbit were on that fukkery lol
Atlas was cursed to carry the world on his shoulders for all eternity, but Herc needed his help. So they swapped places, Herc carrying the world while Atlas gets the Apple.
Atlas comes back and is like "Nah fam, that's your job now, B."
Herc's like, "OK, I got you. Tell you what, I want to be a bit more comfortable if I'm going to be holding up the world forever, so hold the world for a second while I adjust my Golden Fleece (magic Kevlar made from sheep fur)."
Atlas obliges, and the minute the weight shifts onto his shoulders, Herc jumps out from under the earth and grabs the golden apple from Atlas.
Samson killing 1,000 dudes decked out in weapons and armor with some dried up donkey bones is a classic. Also when he burned up a whole bunch of crops after losing a bet.
Makes me miss AP World History in high school.
Those wily trickster characters were the best. Anasi and Br'er Rabbit were on that fukkery lol
How was Hercules wrong?
Womb Raider
movin' thru the city streets
This is my type of thread 
Salute
Salute
BigBlackSea
All Star
Yeah, he wasn't doing anything wrong. I just laugh at the reverse uno he pulled on Atlas.
Fair enough.
Tres Leches
Empire Business
Waiting for part 3 breh 
Ogun was also an a$$hole. He raped his own mother.
Alright time for Part 3. You guys feeling inspired by the heroic deeds of our hero yet?
1. After watching their men cannibalized by giants, Odysseus and his men are pretty much psychologically destroyed at this point. They do manage to land another island. Odysseus gets off the boat and walks a little bit inland and sees some cook fires. Knowing that his crewmen are distraught does he go to investigate the fires himself? No. Our brave hero goes back to his ship and finds his men huddled in fetal positions in terror. Knowing that they needed to investigate as they were certainly dead without help, Odysseus divides his remaining 44 out of 700 men into two groups of 22 with him in one group. He then has the men draw straws to see which group with go investigate the fires. Of course Odysseus group get the job of guarding the ship. Now the other 22 unfortunate men begin to cry and say their goodbyes. By now they would have to figure out they were in someways cursed. Clearly there would be some monster that would eat them.
2. The 22 men go into the woods and come to a clearing where their stood a lone house. They found a beautiful woman singing while working a weaving loom. Suddenly from the back of the house a stampede of lions and wolves are immediately on top of the men before they can lift their swords. However, the animals don’t attack, completely calm, they just gallop around the men and rubbing against them. The woman stands up and invites the men into her house. The men still with PTSD from their adventures follow the woman into the house. There they find a massive feast with plenty of food and drink. The woman tells them she is Circe and her habdmaidens are the only people on this island. The men begin to feast and drink, and eventually begin to behave like pigs. Circe goes around taping each man on the shoulder with a stick. Now there was one Greek with an IQ above room temperature, and he decided to stay outside the house. He suddenly heard a huge squealing like the sound of dozens of pigs. He ran back towards the shop screaming for Odysseus waiting at the ships.
3. Now, when hearing his men had been turned into Pigs, and knowing Odysseus character to now you’d expect him to immediately row away saving his own skin. But this time Odysseus seeing the rest of his men broken mentally decides to go save his other men himself. More likely he knew he couldn’t crew the ship with only 22 men. Whatever the reason the GOAT
goes inland to save his men. Suddenly Hermes the messenger God appeared in front of Odysseus giving him the shakedown of what Circe was. She was a witch who loved turning misbehaving men to animals. He gave Odysseus a special potion to keep her magic from working on him. So, again no clever scheme of Odysseus own. No genius plan. Just the Gods getting him out of trouble time and again. Odysseus was definitely on his way to fill out an app for Larry Holmes gardens before the Gods stepped in.
Odysseus does end up getting the drop on Circe and forces her to change his men back. Does he immediately leave? No, you see Circe was beautiful and Odysseus spends the next year in her bed fukking her. Now this wasn’t so bad as the men were defeated and Circe had plenty of food and wine and a hot bath. However, Odysseus has a wife, a queen and a young son. He had a kingdom without a king and instead of being a king and leader he was lounging about with a witch. Finally his men convinced his lazy ass to get up and leave. Circe to her credit gave Odysseus a path home.
4. Odysseus would have to travel to the underworld to consult the dead prophet Tiresias who was cursed by the Gods with blindness but he could see the future. Of course the crew and Odysseus for that matter are freaking out
. After all they’ve been through they are sailing with Circe’s instruction to the one place nobody wanted to end up yet everyone in Greek lore eventually did. The underworld as described by Homer isn’t a paradise or eternal torture like in Abrahamic religions, but a place where the dead just float around for eternity, lamenting the fact they are dead but barely remembering what it was like to be alive. You are literally a shade or shadow barely conscious. So Odysseus eventually reaches the land of the dead. He proceeds to carry out a ritual where he can speak to the dead. Circe has given him magic blood that would allow the dead to briefly become close to life and remember their past lives. Suddenly he is swarmed by thousands and thousands of dead trying to get to the blood, trying to have one last taste of life and in Greek religion you took the form of now you died. So Odysseus was surrounded by soldiers crushed during battle, men with spear and arrow holes. Men who were scavenged by dogs. Dead babies. Raped and slain women with tears still on their cheeks. Old feeble suffering men.Now Odysseus meets many of his former friends in Hades. He meets his mother who died waiting for him to come back home while he was raping and slaving his way across the Aegean. He tries 3 times to hug her and she slips through his fingers like most. He meets Achilles who despite being the greatest warrior in history was nothing more than a galloping shade. He provided him with the magic blood, and Achilles let him know that he’d rather be a slave to a poor farmer than be dead. Odysseus does manage to lie to Achilles when asked about his son. Tells Achilles he is a great warrior instead of Odysseus tool he used to murder old men and babies. He also sees Ajax who he cheated out of Achilles armor and Ajax won’t even look at him. The best conversation he has is with Agamemnon. The former king of all the Greeks. Odysseus shocked asked him how he ended up here. Agamemnon says “My bytch wife killed me. She betrayed me with the help of a slave lover. Never trust them hoes Odysseus! Never trust them hoes!”
Now here is where the scumbaggery of Odyssey the GOAT degenerate of history comes into play again. He says
“Oh man, why would she do that. Yeah women, can’t trust them homie.”
Now think back to the first scumbag thing Odysseus did. He came up with a plan to trick Agamemnon’s daughter into being sacrificed for good winds to Troy. So why did Agamemnon’s wife kill him? Because he had slit the throat of their daughter at Odysseus recommendation, and the ultimate scumbag pretends to not remember why she would be angry. Odysseus own wife was waiting in Ithaca for 10 years, was she back there with a new man ready to stab him up
As you can see the story is getting darker and darker. Part 4 it gets worse. Stay tuned…
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