Nicole Ari Parker gets push back after admitting she misses the single life

[Goat poster]

Hahaha man this describes the rough year my wife and I had where I was working like 60 hrs a week to help put her through her masters and she was still nagging me about 50/50 housework and not investing enough time in romance. She took me to couples counselling over it where she and this soft ass male counsellor (like I thought dude was gay until he started talking bout his girlfriend) would just gang up on my ass. And for four or five sessions I tried to be “understanding” and just took it.

Then one session I was like fukk that and I started going IN on all the shyt she wasn’t doing, her unrealistic expectations and the lack of acknowledgment for all the shyt I was doing (cuz I actually was doing super romantic shyt like making a big ass heart out of 70 candles on Valentine’s Day and surprising her). This counsellor has the nerve to say, “Guess Who, you seem angry” and I was like “YEAH MOTHERfukkER IM ANGRY!!” Both of them had the face cuz it’s way outside my character to blow up like that.

Anyway, that was a quiet walk home lol. In the end, well my wife and I were able to communicate and since then we’ve had a much more equitable distribution of our expectations of each other and now there’s so much love between us.

It’s all about reducing the double standards we’ve been taught to resentfully accept.

Congrats on y’all making it through that time.

I don’t think I coulda done it bruh. First therapy session I would have unleashed fury on her and the therapist.

and told her to pay her own way through school by herself.

I know this is a trait I have that can be problematic. But I can’t stand hypocrites and ppl with unrealistic expectations.

I also hate how therapist are quick to paint black men as “ANGRY and full of RAGE”

How did y’all make it work?

 

[Gold]

I don’t know about nikkaz but as for men I know guys talk about women I never claimed they talk about women the same way about men or to the same extent. But to say they don’t at all is a lie. Cause if you complain about what your wife isn’t doing then that’s talking.

No offense but you dont know much about men at all.


Women who i dont even know well, i know their men well becuz of how much they talk.

My boys though? I know nothing of their relationship except, "lifes good. Its all good"

Unless they want to divulge, which is only with peoplw im very tight with

 

[Guess Who]

Wow. Hang in there bro
Good to know yall was able to finally weather the storm]
im having issues with my chick at the moment

We are 100% good family. Best relationship I ever been in BY FAR. We are both able to see how our socialization of what male/female relationships are supposed to be like used to get in the way of our own relationship and have made the adjustments. Communication really is key.

 

[Ohene]

We are 100% good family. Best relationship I ever been in BY FAR. We are both able to see how our socialization of what male/female relationships are supposed to be like used to get in the way of our own relationship and have made the adjustments. Communication really is key.

Im trying to teach my girl this shyt but its hard
i even caught myself getting slighted over certain things that i really and truly didnt feel were important, but felt were necessary based on what past gfs did or what society presents via the media. those expectations that the media creates (especially social media which i dont use) are troublesome. Iunno though. My girls too inexperienced but is slowly buying into my teachings.

But I almost feel like all the little things she harps on or gets upset over, she does cause she doesnt have a firm grip on whats really out there. I almost feel like i gotta let her go so that she learns the hard way. Nothing worse than having a girl cry all the time because of small things you might have said. I filter enough as it is, feel like i need a muzzle at this point. No matter all the good i say and do, the small negatives seem to trounce the good

 

[Guess Who]

Congrats on y’all making it through that time.

I don’t think I coulda done it bruh. First therapy session I would have unleashed fury on her and the therapist.

and told her to pay her own way through school by herself.

I know this is a trait I have that can be problematic. But I can’t stand hypocrites and ppl with unrealistic expectations.

I also hate how therapist are quick to paint black men as “ANGRY and full of RAGE”

How did y’all make it work?

Thanks breh, I appreciate it!!

As for how we made it...Well the first thing is I’ve had multiple failed relationships prior to my wife and after every relationship I’ve looked in the mirror and asked myself how I contributed to fukking it up.

Beyond that:

-PATIENCE!! I once had some old heads say to me that in your marriage you’re going to have bad days, weeks, months and even YEARS but if there’s still love and mutual goals/values/lifestyle then it’s worth working on.

-when we argue, making sure we stick to the current subject. No insults allowed and no screaming at each other. I was better at this than she was and when she would step over the line I would let her know immediately that I would not stay in the conversation if she continued to be disrespectful or move goal posts. I always remained calm as well.

-I stopped interrupting her in order to make my own counterpoints (this was probably the one thing I took from counseling as I’m an arguer by nature). I would wait for her to make her point completely, then paraphrase and reflect it back to her and ask her if I understood properly. I made sure to not just understand her facts/perspective but how it made her feel.

-we committed to using “I-statements” rather than blaming. So instead of, “you’re inconsiderate” it became “I felt like you were being inconsiderate when (insert example) and I would prefer it if you would have done (insert desired solution) instead.”

-we both committed to listening to each other and holding each other accountable for when we hurt each other. And we both apologize when we hurt each other. This is not negotiable between us.

I’d say those were the main things. And things were BAD at the time. She was threatening divorce. I was actively building my contingency roster. But we recovered from all that and it’s really really good. Like we see each other in the mornings and smile on some corny shyt haha.

 

[Youseenmywork]

We are 100% good family. Best relationship I ever been in BY FAR. We are both able to see how our socialization of what male/female relationships are supposed to be like used to get in the way of our own relationship and have made the adjustments. Communication really is key.

I was having a conversation with my mentor about how it's not a man's job to raise a woman to be a good wife and then he does this

 

[Guess Who]

Im trying to teach my girl this shyt but its hard
i even caught myself getting slighted over certain things that i really and truly didnt feel were important, but felt were necessary based on what past gfs did or what society presents via the media. those expectations that the media creates (especially social media which i dont use) are troublesome. Iunno though. My girls too inexperienced but is slowly buying into my teachings.

But I almost feel like all the little things she harps on or gets upset over, she does cause she doesnt have a firm grip on whats really out there. I almost feel like i gotta let her go so that she learns the hard way. Nothing worse than having a girl cry all the time because of small things you might have said. I filter enough as it is, feel like i need a muzzle at this point. No matter all the good i say and do, the small negatives seem to trounce the good

Breh, I see soooo many parallels between your relationship and mine. Is she younger? My wife is significantly younger than me (not by design).

Anyway, I learned I had to show her affection before I could ever get any kind of point across with her. An ex from years ago told me that during our breakup.

 

[Guess Who]

I was having a conversation with my mentor about how it's not a man's job to raise a woman to be a good wife and then he does this

Yeah breh, nobody should be picking up fixer uppers. I learned that from too many previous relationships. I met my wife and saw she came from the most well functioning two-parent family I’ve ever encountered in my life (literally!!) and I was like, “okay, I can take a real shot with this one.”

 

[Drew Wonder]

Thanks breh, I appreciate it!!

As for how we made it...Well the first thing is I’ve had multiple failed relationships prior to my wife and after every relationship I’ve looked in the mirror and asked myself how I contributed to fukking it up.

Beyond that:

-PATIENCE!! I once had some old heads say to me that in your marriage you’re going to have bad days, weeks, months and even YEARS but if there’s still love and mutual goals/values/lifestyle then it’s worth working on.

-when we argue, making sure we stick to the current subject. No insults allowed and no screaming at each other. I was better at this than she was and when she would step over the line I would let her know immediately that I would not stay in the conversation if she continued to be disrespectful or move goal posts. I always remained calm as well.

-I stopped interrupting her in order to make my own counterpoints (this was probably the one thing I took from counseling as I’m an arguer by nature). I would wait for her to make her point completely, then paraphrase and reflect it back to her and ask her if I understood properly. I made sure to not just understand her facts/perspective but how it made her feel.

-we committed to using “I-statements” rather than blaming. So instead of, “you’re inconsiderate” it became “I felt like you were being inconsiderate when (insert example) and I would prefer it if you would have done (insert desired solution) instead.”

-we both committed to listening to each other and holding each other accountable for when we hurt each other. And we both apologize when we hurt each other. This is not negotiable between us.

I’d say those were the main things. And things were BAD at the time. She was threatening divorce. I was actively building my contingency roster. But we recovered from all that and it’s really really good. Like we see each other in the mornings and smile on some corny shyt haha.

Great post bruh. I moved in with my fiancée last summer and it definitely forced us to deal with issues that we didn’t have to deal with when we only saw each other twice maybe three times a week. And now with this quarantine and me working from home there’ve been a lot of challenges that we’re working through. But you dropped some gems that I’m def gonna apply

 

[Guess Who]

Great post bruh. I moved in with my fiancée last summer and it definitely forced us to deal with issues that we didn’t have to deal with when we only saw each other twice maybe three times a week. And now with this quarantine and me working from home there’ve been a lot of challenges that we’re working through. But you dropped some gems that I’m def gonna apply

FAAAM!!! We were BLISSFUL...until we started living together hahaha. That shyt really let’s you see each other’s bad sides. It takes strong mutual commitment and understanding to make it through. And the first five days of this quarantine were rough as we are both working from home but we ironed it out and this quarantine has just brought us closer together.

 

[Drew Wonder]

FAAAM!!! We were BLISSFUL...until we started living together hahaha. That shyt really let’s you see each other’s bad sides. It takes strong mutual commitment and understanding to make it through. And the first five days of this quarantine were rough as we are both working from home but we ironed it out and this quarantine has just brought us closer together.

I’m telling you, being able to miss each other was a blessing in disguise, built some anticipation and excitement whenever we saw each other. Now it’s harder to keep that spark seeing each other every day. The silver lining is that we’ve opened up to each other more and really got down to the nitty gritty about how we feel about the relationship (easier for her to do this than me). It’s positive overall but it took a lot of prying and a lot of arguments.

 

[Guess Who]

I’m telling you, being able to miss each other was a blessing in disguise, built some anticipation and excitement whenever we saw each other. Now it’s harder to keep that spark seeing each other every day. The silver lining is that we’ve opened up to each other more and really got down to the nitty gritty about how we feel about the relationship (easier for her to do this than me). It’s positive overall but it took a lot of prying and a lot of arguments.

Missing each other is key. Because I’m older than her I have a much more established mature social circle and career so I was spending lots of time with people other than her. On the other hand she’s relatively new to my city and didn’t have her own circle yet, so a big thing was I was able to get social validation outside the relationship that she struggled to get herself. It’s hard to make friends as an adult in a new city and she’s shy by nature so I had to understand why she was being so needy while helping to encourage her to build her own circle (which she has done now, and she’s also established her career a bit as well which has helped).

 

[Ohene]

Breh, I see soooo many parallels between your relationship and mine. Is she younger? My wife is significantly younger than me (not by design).

Anyway, I learned I had to show her affection before I could ever get any kind of point across with her. An ex from years ago told me that during our breakup.

Nope...just inexperienced. She turned 28 yesterday and I turn 29 in Sept
Thats something i def struggle with, being affectionate at times.

 

[Goat poster]

Thanks breh, I appreciate it!!

As for how we made it...Well the first thing is I’ve had multiple failed relationships prior to my wife and after every relationship I’ve looked in the mirror and asked myself how I contributed to fukking it up.

Beyond that:

-PATIENCE!! I once had some old heads say to me that in your marriage you’re going to have bad days, weeks, months and even YEARS but if there’s still love and mutual goals/values/lifestyle then it’s worth working on.

-when we argue, making sure we stick to the current subject. No insults allowed and no screaming at each other. I was better at this than she was and when she would step over the line I would let her know immediately that I would not stay in the conversation if she continued to be disrespectful or move goal posts. I always remained calm as well.

-I stopped interrupting her in order to make my own counterpoints (this was probably the one thing I took from counseling as I’m an arguer by nature). I would wait for her to make her point completely, then paraphrase and reflect it back to her and ask her if I understood properly. I made sure to not just understand her facts/perspective but how it made her feel.

-we committed to using “I-statements” rather than blaming. So instead of, “you’re inconsiderate” it became “I felt like you were being inconsiderate when (insert example) and I would prefer it if you would have done (insert desired solution) instead.”

-we both committed to listening to each other and holding each other accountable for when we hurt each other. And we both apologize when we hurt each other. This is not negotiable between us.

I’d say those were the main things. And things were BAD at the time. She was threatening divorce. I was actively building my contingency roster. But we recovered from all that and it’s really really good. Like we see each other in the mornings and smile on some corny shyt haha.

Thanks for this post Bruh, I'm going through a rough time and this really helped me

 

[Guess Who]

Nope...just inexperienced. She turned 28 yesterday and I turn 29 in Sept
Thats something i def struggle with, being affectionate at times.

The great thing about having a dope ass woman is it gives us an opportunity to see ourselves and better ourselves. Stay up breh and keep at it!