Men I need answers

[LauderdaleBoss]

Sorry y'all when. I started the thread I was taking care of my sister's kids (my sister's a nurse doing crazy shifts) so I said may cause my neice (she's 13 I let her stay up with me to watch movies and talk lol I'm a cool aunt loll it's not like she has school in the morning) she was talking about her birthday in may etc so i was typing this thread while she was talking to me and typed may

Smh

Anyways he proposed vday two years ago it's been more than two years. Latest updates.. she's told me he's unresponsive with wedding planning saying let's wait till covid ends...( Which we have no idea when this shyt will end smh...just saying tomorrow isn't guaranteed but hey) anyways she just over it she gave herself a mental ultimatum if there no talks by December she's giving him the ring back n moving back in with her parents

I wish your friend the best of luck.

Yeah dude definitely gonna try and get the most out of that Covid excuse. I''m glad she's giving herself that mental deadline of December.
If he's not willing to discuss it in December, he damn sure ain't gonna be ready to start planning it next year. The ring seemed like it was just a shut up and be cool moment for him instead of a moving forward moment. It happens like that sometimes. Better to walk away earlier than later.

 

[Rev Leon Lonnie Love]

Wait - what does her man think? Did you listen?
You just glossed over what he thinks like it doesn’t matter…and if she agrees with what her man thinks,
then why are upset?



Covid is a pretty good “excuse”, because it’s some chit we’ve never seen before that has changed
everybody’s lives and people are dying by being in large groups like say, weddings.

“but on Facebook...”

Fucc Facebook. In the ass.
It’s the same muthafuccers on Facebook doing dumb chit like that that has set record numbers of
Covid cases reported since things started opening back up.

What’s the real problem here? You don’t think your friend can keep her man?

this OP needs to mind her business gossiping about her best friend on thecoli. Shes still with him so it clearly means she wants to be there.

 

[Dwolf]

no ultimatums...but she told me if there wasn't any ring by may she's calling it quits
She did try to break up with him in November ( she just felt that she didn't think they were compatible anymore they had different goals...) but he wanted it to work and told her they'll work on it.in which I thought they worked it out ..cuz by feb there was a proposal

I ask because he may feel he was pushed into it as a way of keeping her. If a man wants to do something he will get it done, if he feels pressed about it he will drag his feet and not commit.

Imo

 

[vicioustalk]

I ask because he may feel he was pushed into it as a way of keeping her. If a man wants to do something he will get it done, if he feels pressed about it he will drag his feet and not commit.

Imo

I get it's but imagine waiting for something for years it send off a wrong message that your not sure...if your not sure just let it go..it feels like a casehcase of "having my cake and eat it too" syndrome..just straight selfish iono that's how I see it . Like I said the whole purpose of this thread was to understand why dragging his feet...you know ask a male it wasn't for advice I just wanted to understand ....like is there a logical reason

 

[vicioustalk]

this OP needs to mind her business gossiping about her best friend on thecoli. Shes still with him so it clearly means she wants to be there.

umm okay .... Why are you here lol if you actually read it I was asking for clarity...but sure...

 

[Jean Jacket]

Help me understand cause I don't
My best friend is engaged ...they dated for two years and engaged for two more this past Feb...I ask her about wedding planning and she saying how her man thinks this..her man thinks that... personally I dont think he wants to marry her cause it's always excuses as to why nothing's planned yet...his latest excuse is covid ..but I'm on FB seeing ppl getting married despite this pandemic...like I said I personally think he's way to comfortable I need a male perspective...why is it constant excuses

You've answered your own question. Priorities are missing in this relationship, or are not expressed.

You don't have to force someone to make you a priority... they will do it on their own.

He's just not ready. Also, it depends on if he's financially stable or good in his career yet. Also, age plays a factor.

Most men don't want to get married until 35 or so, after they have gotten established and know what they are willing to settle for.

The key word is settle. Everybody settles for something. Either big or small. We all do. Just have to accept what it is, and seek happiness despite that.

 

[Rev Leon Lonnie Love]

umm okay .... Why are you here lol if you actually read it I was asking for clarity...but sure...

nah you just nosey, go get yourself a man and STFU

 

[phcitywarrior]

Help me understand cause I don't
My best friend is engaged ...they dated for two years and engaged for two more this past Feb...

Long engagements periods, from what I've observed from family and family friends, are usually the first sign that dude is dragging his feet or unsure. I understand if someone's in school, finances aren't the best or they need to coordinate a wedding date to accommodate family travel schedules. But generally speaking, I've observed dudes that are serious about marriage will get engaged and married usually within a year. Truth be told, many of my older cousins and uncles that are married (and still married) took about 2-3 years to get married. From when they first met their wife to when they finally got married.

The advice they've passed down to me is this, paraphrasing here:

When a man (me in this case) is serious about dating to marry, it really shouldn't take too long to find out if someone is going to be your wife or not (they told me it shouldn't take more than 12-18 months). The first 0-3 months is vetting their principles and values. If they aren't aligned with yours don't even proceed. Cut it early

3-12 months of being exclusive is then getting to know them on a deeper level. After a year you should have a pretty good idea of what you're getting into. Give a couple more months for more vetting but after that there's not too much more for you to know that would convince you NOT to make the jump. Engage and then look to marry soon after.

All that 4 years of dating, 3 years of engagement is just a time sink for both parties. Even worse if at the end of it both people go their separate ways.

But Covid is a valid reason, to a degree. But dude could also just be comfortable, especially if they already live together and fck on the regular. At that point in time it's like they're married without actually being married. There's no pressure to go forward with it.

 

[vicioustalk]

Long engagements periods, from what I've observed from family and family friends, are usually the first sign that dude is dragging his feet or unsure. I understand if someone's in school, finances aren't the best or they need to coordinate a wedding date to accommodate family travel schedules. But generally speaking, I've observed dudes that are serious about marriage will get engaged and married usually within a year. Truth be told, many of my older cousins and uncles that are married (and still married) took about 2-3 years to get married. From when they first met their wife to when they finally got married.

The advice they've passed down to me is this, paraphrasing here:

When a man (me in this case) is serious about dating to marry, it really shouldn't take too long to find out if someone is going to be your wife or not (they told me it shouldn't take more than 12-18 months). The first 0-3 months is vetting their principles and values. If they aren't aligned with yours don't even proceed. Cut it early

3-12 months of being exclusive is then getting to know them on a deeper level. After a year you should have a pretty good idea of what you're getting into. Give a couple more months for more vetting but after that there's not too much more for you to know that would convince you NOT to make the jump. Engage and then look to marry soon after.

All that 4 years of dating, 3 years of engagement is just a time sink for both parties. Even worse if at the end of it both people go their separate ways.

But Covid is a valid reason, to a degree. But dude could also just be comfortable, especially if they already live together and fck on the regular. At that point in time it's like they're married without actually being married. There's no pressure to go forward with it.

Hmmmm I'm single but at least I know now don't move in with no dude or its it's a wrap lol....good to know this really does help me understand ...I wanted to say he's dragging his foot but I really was thinking maybe I'm wrong and a guy can give me a reason a valid one of course where I could be like yahh ok that makes sense...this makes me sad tho I think I was hoping ya'll would say otherwise but so far it's pretty much the same..he's dragging his feet it's not a priority....I get it covid...but I feel like come hell or high water if a man wants to be married he'll find a way...covid and everything....get married not have a the whole wedding shebang like ..go to city Hall sign documents send a virtual invite...man the money they will save I'm sure that would make Any man happy to know she wants to be his wife and not put on a huge party that's going to cost mad money...anyways thanks for the insight....

 

[vicioustalk]

nah you just nosey, go get yourself a man and STFU

 

[phcitywarrior]

Hmmmm I'm single but at least I know now don't move in with no dude or its it's a wrap lol....good to know this really does help me understand ...I wanted to say he's dragging his foot but I really was thinking maybe I'm wrong and a guy can give me a reason a valid one of course where I could be like yahh ok that makes sense...this makes me sad tho I think I was hoping ya'll would say otherwise but so far it's pretty much the same..he's dragging his feet it's not a priority....I get it covid...but I feel like come hell or high water if a man wants to be married he'll find a way...covid and everything....get married not have a the whole wedding shebang like ..go to city Hall sign documents send a virtual invite...man the money they will save I'm sure that would make Any man happy to know she wants to be his wife and not put on a huge party that's going to cost mad money...anyways thanks for the insight....

It just seems like he's just unsure. Being engaged is one thing, making those vows are another thing.

And you're right, if there was intent, he could just do the City hall thing during the covid period and then do the actual wedding at a later date. That's what my cousin recently did.

Just the benefit of filing joint taxes is enough of an incentive.

 

[ThaRealness]

A placeholder?

Relationships between men and women

 

[Tom Foolery]

Help me understand cause I don't
My best friend is engaged ...they dated for two years and engaged for two more this past Feb...I ask her about wedding planning and she saying how her man thinks this..her man thinks that... personally I dont think he wants to marry her cause it's always excuses as to why nothing's planned yet...his latest excuse is covid ..but I'm on FB seeing ppl getting married despite this pandemic...like I said I personally think he's way to comfortable I need a male perspective...why is it constant excuses

She needs to stop playing and move on.

She really needs to just disappear/ghost this dude.

 

[Voice of Reason]

Help me understand cause I don't
My best friend is engaged ...they dated for two years and engaged for two more this past Feb...I ask her about wedding planning and she saying how her man thinks this..her man thinks that... personally I dont think he wants to marry her cause it's always excuses as to why nothing's planned yet...his latest excuse is covid ..but I'm on FB seeing ppl getting married despite this pandemic...like I said I personally think he's way to comfortable I need a male perspective...why is it constant excuses

maybe he’s still getting his money right for wedding expenses

 

[vicioustalk]

maybe he’s still getting his money right for wedding expenses

She doesn't want a big wedding she would just rather get married at city Hall and done...but if he wants a wedding then that would make sense