General Mills
More often than not I tend to take that L.
I told this story on 
in the legendary " Instances when your swag let you down" thread.
I actually just remembered it because of that recent thread about being on your toes around white people when drunk. This is long so bear with me.
I was at a white house party here in Jax. The house was a nice size and the ratio was about 80% white. 10% black and 10% miscellaneous . I was there on a invite from one of the dudes renting the house. He was a dude I worked with. Homie was about 5'9 and 350. Black dude named Alex. . Oh yeah. . He sometimes dressed up as a woman.
Apparently he had been hiding it for a while cause his parents were real conservative. . . But one day me an my homie and our chicks were at a club at the beach and we see this chick in the middle of the dance floor getting low and had a huge crowd around her. . She turns around and its my co-worker Alex wearing makeup and a wig and heels.
I just turned us around and we went to a different part of the bar. He walks up later cause I guess he saw us and he was 
He said his alter ego is Patty ( Apparantly he is a Patti LaBelle stan 
) Asked if we could keep quiet about it. I was 
No homo but I personally dont care what he does. As long as he does not try and hit on me. 
So he shared the house with three other cats. None of them were gay. Three white boys and they all had banging gf's
So I get to the house party and it is in true cac fashion. Out on the sun porch there was a heated game of beer pong going on.
The kitchen had at least 50 various liquor bottles set up. . . . And aiyo. . these cac's were bonkers. They had a huge cooler full of punch they called Crazy Bird.
It was cut up fruits like in the picture above. . . But only two other ingredients. .
Tons of Grey Goose.
And. . .
Every flavor they had. This was the old school Loko that still had the caffeine in it. . . The shyt looked crazy when they was mixing it. I avoided that shyt.
So I am chilling drinking a beer kinda mingling around when I see this black chick. She was a beacon of goodness in a depraved land.
I made my way over to her and we started up some small talk. . She was pretty, real hair, no kids, single. .
She was feeling me too. Doing all the little signs. Touching my arm. Fukkin with her hair. .etc. .
By this time the Crazy Bird Punch was kickin in for some of the cacs and they were getting louder and louder in the house
I made a command decision. . I grabbed her hand and was like lets go outside and get some air. She was 
and let me lead her like a good girl. We are making our way to the sun porch. . We would have to go out to the porch. . Walk past the beer pong tournament and then head outside. . The door to the screen porch was propped open with some books but the screen door is closed to keep bugs from getting in the house.
One of the books must have got loose and was in the walkway. . I saw it right before I stepped on it.
I stepped on the book and skated my way towards the screen door!
Thankfully I had let go of her hand. . I hit the closed screened door and busted through the screen door!
I am all webbed the fukk up in the screen door trying to catch my balance!
I land flat in the middle of the beer pong table.
The ends up the table flip up like some Lambo doors and everybodys beers that were on each end of the table rains down on your boy. 
I am sitting in the middle of the broken table surrounded by ping pong balls, red plastic cups, beer cans, and drenched in various liquids. The whole party comes to a screeching halt. 
Everybody is standing around looking at me. . Including my lady friend. . . .I stand up gingerly. . I tell her in a low voice. . I will be right back hon. . . I hold my head up high and slowly walk outside and go around the corner. . Everybody is still quiet watching me. . As soon as I get out of sight around the corner I
TAKE OF RUNNING to my car! Jump in and pull the fukk off!! Did not get ol girls number or nothing. I was ghost. . . Only person I really knew from the party was my coworker and he was not telling nobody. . I had his secret too.
All is well. . UNTIL. A year later I am in the mall. . . All of a sudden I hear a female squeal of joy then I get jumped on by the dime from the party.
She gave me a big kiss on my cheek and was like YOUUUUUUUUUU!! Then she stopped and was like. . 
I know I know you but I can not remember exactly where from?? 
Inside I was 
I have a second chance. . I distract her by spinning her around talkin bout let me get a good look at you. look at you having the nerve to get lil shape. I see you girl. 
She was 
She grabs my hand and we start walking thru the mall. . I am rapid fire spitting game at her to keep her mind of where she knows me from. We stop at Auntie Annies and get some pretzels. . We continue on. .... Out of the blue she pauses. .
I see the seeds of knowledge sprout in her eyes in real time.
She turns to me and was I REMEMBER NOWWWWWW!! 
I wanted to smack them Auntie Annies out of her hand
in the legendary " Instances when your swag let you down" thread. I actually just remembered it because of that recent thread about being on your toes around white people when drunk. This is long so bear with me.
I was at a white house party here in Jax. The house was a nice size and the ratio was about 80% white. 10% black and 10% miscellaneous . I was there on a invite from one of the dudes renting the house. He was a dude I worked with. Homie was about 5'9 and 350. Black dude named Alex. . Oh yeah. . He sometimes dressed up as a woman.
Apparently he had been hiding it for a while cause his parents were real conservative. . . But one day me an my homie and our chicks were at a club at the beach and we see this chick in the middle of the dance floor getting low and had a huge crowd around her. . She turns around and its my co-worker Alex wearing makeup and a wig and heels.
I just turned us around and we went to a different part of the bar. He walks up later cause I guess he saw us and he was He said his alter ego is Patty ( Apparantly he is a Patti LaBelle stan ) Asked if we could keep quiet about it. I was No homo but I personally dont care what he does. As long as he does not try and hit on me. So he shared the house with three other cats. None of them were gay. Three white boys and they all had banging gf's
So I get to the house party and it is in true cac fashion. Out on the sun porch there was a heated game of beer pong going on.
The kitchen had at least 50 various liquor bottles set up. . . . And aiyo. . these cac's were bonkers.
They had a huge cooler full of punch they called Crazy Bird.
It was cut up fruits like in the picture above. . . But only two other ingredients. .
Tons of Grey Goose.
And. . .
Every flavor they had.
This was the old school Loko that still had the caffeine in it. . . The shyt looked crazy when they was mixing it. I avoided that shyt.So I am chilling drinking a beer kinda mingling around when I see this black chick. She was a beacon of goodness in a depraved land.
I made my way over to her and we started up some small talk. . She was pretty, real hair, no kids, single. . She was feeling me too. Doing all the little signs. Touching my arm. Fukkin with her hair. .etc. .By this time the Crazy Bird Punch was kickin in for some of the cacs and they were getting louder and louder in the house
I made a command decision. . I grabbed her hand and was like lets go outside and get some air. She was and let me lead her like a good girl. We are making our way to the sun porch. . We would have to go out to the porch. . Walk past the beer pong tournament and then head outside. . The door to the screen porch was propped open with some books but the screen door is closed to keep bugs from getting in the house.One of the books must have got loose and was in the walkway. . I saw it right before I stepped on it.
I stepped on the book and skated my way towards the screen door!
Thankfully I had let go of her hand. . I hit the closed screened door and busted through the screen door!
I am all webbed the fukk up in the screen door trying to catch my balance!
I land flat in the middle of the beer pong table.
The ends up the table flip up like some Lambo doors and everybodys beers that were on each end of the table rains down on your boy. I am sitting in the middle of the broken table surrounded by ping pong balls, red plastic cups, beer cans, and drenched in various liquids.
The whole party comes to a screeching halt. Everybody is standing around looking at me. . Including my lady friend. . . .I stand up gingerly. . I tell her in a low voice. . I will be right back hon. . . I hold my head up high and slowly walk outside and go around the corner. . Everybody is still quiet watching me. . As soon as I get out of sight around the corner I
TAKE OF RUNNING to my car! Jump in and pull the fukk off!! Did not get ol girls number or nothing. I was ghost. . . Only person I really knew from the party was my coworker and he was not telling nobody. . I had his secret too.
All is well. . UNTIL. A year later I am in the mall. . . All of a sudden I hear a female squeal of joy then I get jumped on by the dime from the party.
She gave me a big kiss on my cheek and was like YOUUUUUUUUUU!! Then she stopped and was like. . I know I know you but I can not remember exactly where from?? Inside I was I have a second chance. . I distract her by spinning her around talkin bout let me get a good look at you. look at you having the nerve to get lil shape. I see you girl. She was She grabs my hand and we start walking thru the mall. . I am rapid fire spitting game at her to keep her mind of where she knows me from. We stop at Auntie Annies and get some pretzels. . We continue on. .... Out of the blue she pauses. .I see the seeds of knowledge sprout in her eyes in real time.
She turns to me and was I REMEMBER NOWWWWWW!! I wanted to smack them Auntie Annies out of her hand
Last edited:
She was getting ready to work so we parted ways. We traded info but I stopped pursuing cause the first two times I called her the convo would turn back to the party and how I was all webbed up in the screen door and then she would start chuckling and snorting. 
well worth the read, made my night