Ladies, how'd you get comfortable in your sexuality?

[Aceofspades404]

This is something that I've struggled with for a while and still kinda do sometimes when negative thoughts creep up in my head. As many of you know I'm a virgin but this is the only place I've been very open about it. When there are a group of girls having girl talk, I kinda shy away from it bc I know the topic is gonna be brought up some way and I'm afraid to be judged. And it doesn't even have to be that, I feel like in every social situation sex gets brought up either directly or a round about way.
For example, I remember my roommates and I were watching the bachelorette and one of their guy friends was their. If you watched the show last season, you'd know that there was a virgin on there.
But anyways, the guy friend goes " she's not a real virgin, she probably suck'd a couple dikks"
then my roommates, who know that I'm a virgin started laughing and saying things like "i know right"
I didn't take it personal but I did find them to be somewhat insensitive bc let's not act like that's not a popular opinion about present day virgins and even though they were not laughing about me, I still felt judged.
Another situation, I remember I made a post about virginity and feminism on my ig and I had it up for a while. I then became acquaintances with a group of girls I was working with ad we exchanged igs but before I followed them I deleted the post for fear of being judged.
It's like a lot of days, I wish I wasn't a virgin not bc of lack of experience but just a fear of not being treated normal.
Add on to the fact that I've had guy friends tell me straight to my face that I'm gonna be single for the rest of my life

 

[Elle Driver]

I think it comes with age and confidence, like shyt that I used to be hung up on when I was 19-21 I don't give a fukk about now 10 years later. You just grow confidence and love yourself and you become comfortable with being alone, or not being liked, or whatever. Think about why you're a virgin, you do it for yourself, so you should always keep yourself in mind and just not give a fukk.

 

[Sassy]

Aww don't feel that way! There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. Yeah, some people are insensitive about the virgin thing nowadays T_T But don;t let it get to you. and always remember. If you ever decide to lose your V-Card, do it because you want to. I cannot stress that enough.

Anyway, being confident within your sexuality takes time. It doesn't happen overnight. And let me tell you. People (males and some females) will try to bring you down when you own up to your sexuality because for one; you're a woman. and for some unknown fukking reason, society still can't believe a woman can't do whatever the hell we want. and second, there's some notion that if we lost our virginity before marriage, we're no longer "pure". some will go to great lengths and say we don't deserve a significant other or marriage or even to say we're no longer worthy.


But in the end, whatever you do; do it for yourself. Don't do it for some fukkboy. Don't do it because someone made you feel a certain way (a crappy way at that),etc. Just make yourself happy and do it for you. ^_^

 

[CinnaSlim]

I've been treated like a hoe before I even started dating. My brother said I dressed like a hoe, my mom always thought I was out with some boy. If people are gonna call me a hoe no matter what I do, I might as well not worry about it.

People will always think what they want. Doesn't make it true. I know I'm a great person, I love myself, my body and my decisions, because they make up who I am.

I don't volunteer any information because it's my business and no one else is entitled to it. People are entitled to their own opinions. What someone thinks about me, is their business it doesn't hinder me. I go my own way.

Self-love is awesome.

 

[sanityovar8ted]

Whatever u do, do it at ur own pace n comfortability, ive b'n fuccing since 13 so thats the best advice i can honestly give.

 

[MoonGoddess]

For some people its through the validation of others. For some like me it was through self realization but i never reached 100% comfortability until i met someone who didnt judge me for my proclivities.
It's pretty much a journey that you have to experience yourself. For me one of the best ways was reading romance novels, lol it sounds stupid but i never had a fear of sex that some girls had. My issues had more to do with how I viewed my body and being comfortable enough to open myself to the person im with because of that. That really didnt happen until i i got into a real adult relationship and not the teenage crap that i had been in before.
But anyway this aint about me, but i will say self exploration, reading even watching porn can broaden your mind a lil bit so that even if you don't know exactly what to expect at least you'll have an idea.
Buuuutttt never ever ever let anyone make you feel ashamed of keeping your body to yourself. All that will happen when you are good and ready. You have certain values that are admirable in a young lady. It's a beautiful thing. And if you're lucky you'll meet the right person the first time and they will help you become even more comfortable and open sex the act as well as the mental aspects that usually is the reason we hold back.

 

[Aceofspades404]

For some people its through the validation of others. For some like me it was through self realization but i never reached 100% comfortability until i met someone who didnt judge me for my proclivities.
It's pretty much a journey that you have to experience yourself. For me one of the best ways was reading romance novels, lol it sounds stupid but i never had a fear of sex that some girls had. My issues had more to do with how I viewed my body and being comfortable enough to open myself to the person im with because of that. That really didnt happen until i i got into a real adult relationship and not the teenage crap that i had been in before.
But anyway this aint about me, but i will say self exploration, reading even watching porn can broaden your mind a lil bit so that even if you don't know exactly what to expect at least you'll have an idea.
Buuuutttt never ever ever let anyone make you feel ashamed of keeping your body to yourself. All that will happen when you are good and ready. You have certain values that are admirable in a young lady. It's a beautiful thing. And if you're lucky you'll meet the right person the first time and they will help you become even more comfortable and open sex the act as well as the mental aspects that usually is the reason we hold back.

but for me, I don't think it has anything to do with comfortability though. I'm ok with being a virgin and wanting to wait until marriage. The issue is me opening up and allowing someone in my space. I'm already a very private person so when it comes to simple things like girl talk, it freaks me out.

 

[The Mad Titan]

As a dude I can tell you its really respectable to want to wait for marriage or that very special person. I was a virgin up until 21ish I think. And everyday was a struggle, my homies at the time clowned me, I had chicks that didn't want to date me and I had those that strictly wanted to try and break me.

Dont be ashamed of it, embrace it. If anything you should be celebrated because you have something alot of men and women dont. And once you give it up, aint no getting it back. If you choose and feel like your ready to get it in, it should be because your ready to and not because of what others might say or think. Having sex isn't going to make your girl talk convo's any better, and if they not judging for not having sex they'll probably judge you for having to much sex.


My best friend is 32 and still a virgin, we talk, joke, and laugh about sex woman and all an its not awkward at all for him. You should feel the same with your friends.... You need friends you can talk to and laugh with that aren't going to look at you sideways because your a virgin or assume that your a head doctor because your not having sex.

Next time yall kicking it and girl talk comes up, just be the 1st to start the convo. You don't have to be having sex to know what you want out of it or a dude. Open up a bt more with them about being a virgin and see were it goes from there.

 

[Raava]

Sex was something I knew about early but it was always taught that it was for marriage. As I got older same thing. In high school all my friends were virgins. So I had a really strong foundation in that. So it didn't bother me when as much I mean people could do what they wanted but I knew what I was going to do. IMO at the time if they wanted to do wrong and be hoes that was them ( My views have changed ) it was just my personal decision. I was never really around people who tried to make me feel bad about it. I didn't care about people who didn't believe me. So what? I knew what I was. People will talk regardless, people live to gossip and talk about people and they don't care about the facts. Some of it was jealously because I had what they just gave away and/or they had some regrets. Some people get insecure because you are able to hold out so long and they couldn’t, they think you think you are better than them . The older I got the less I cared.

You have to be like that, don't care what people say. It's not their decision to make something as important as that is to you. Other people thoughts should have no bearing on it. Don't make it a big deal. Don't be judgmental. You don't have to defend yourself either. Sex is everywhere these days I understand, but take pride in being rare. Its confidence. You are feeling self-conscious about it. It doesn't matter what the world thinks. The world is "going to Hell in a hand basket" its F'd up so definitely don't define yourself by the worlds standards. What is YOUR opinion about virginity and your virginity? People probably don't think it’s as big a deal as you feel they might.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

Give me your maidenhood

 

[MoonGoddess]

but for me, I don't think it has anything to do with comfortability though. I'm ok with being a virgin and wanting to wait until marriage. The issue is me opening up and allowing someone in my space. I'm already a very private person so when it comes to simple things like girl talk, it freaks me out.

Ohhh okay lol.
I see what you mean. It's really one of those things where you have to have a ifgaf attitude about. You're never gonna be comfortable if you shy away everytime the conversation comes up.
If they are your friends for real even if they mess around and joke about it, it won't be in a malicious manner evetually they will get over the novelty of having a virgin around. You gotta be slick with the comebacks if they say some shyt about you being a virgin then reply with something like "yeah unlike some people i'd like my walls to be intact when i get married" lol seems kinda harsh but thats how close friends talk to each other.
But that kinda friendship breeds from familiarity. Most of us have people that we click with on a deeper level that we can be open with like that.
And im not gonna lie im more open on here than i am in real life, most of the stuff that i say on here now at this moment in time i don't have a female friend that i can talk about with. And you can forget about talking like that irl to other guys thats not my man.

But yeah girl you just gotta meet people you click with, but you do have to put yourself out there. I know it can be hard growing up sheltered with haitian parents lol. I didnt meet a friend i could be open like that with until i was about 20.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

My best friend is 32 and still a virgin,

getting his culo blasted still counts as sex lol

 

[wet landscapes]

just being around and open to sexual things helps
I get where you're coming from (I've got a bit of a purity complex myself lol) but when you immerse yourself in sexuality (and not just porn, just people being open about theirs), it turns sex from this big huge important thing to this normal act that is as a part of being human as breathing

don't attach personality attributes to yourself or others for the sexual things they may or may not do

virginity is just not having sex yet, don't let it turn into an identity or a barrier you use to separate yourself from others

 

[The Mad Titan]

@trilldealbaby if you want to get the juices following without the boat docking let me know















I'm kidding I'm kidding.










Just trying to easy all this in slowly...





















sexual innuendos that is

 

[Lana del Rey]

I'm a virgin as well so I know exactly what you're going through. The only one that know I'm a virgin is my best friend and my mom other than that no one else knows. I'm ashamed to tell people I'm a virgin because none of my friends are virgins and I always thought that they (or anyone else) would judge me.