I think some of what you stated is part of the problem. Why are you leading a woman in a relationship that aint your wife?
If I have to lead a girlfriend (especially financially) then I picked a shtty gf. If she doesn't understand how to keep a balanced budget and prudent spending that's automatic fwb status at best, I could never be her man. I refuse to provide husband level benefits like leadership in a relationship to woman that isn't my a wife or fiance.
But some guys like playing house.
Also any woman that doesn't have good hobbies on her own without influence aint getting a relationship from me. There are plenty of women who like to let a man lead which is why some of them are not fully functioning adults. They let daddy or some "boyfriend" handle it for them. Those women could never get a relationship from a guy like myself.
Choosing women like that is like a team drafting a player that can barely dribble in the first round then wondering why she's a draft bust. You picked that woman then tried to "lead" her when she was basic from the jump. Its your fault if you keep chasing basic females that you have to lead before she's even a fiance.