Is it selfish for single mothers to not want anymore kids?
- Thread starter YBE
- Start date
Not selfish but how pathetic of a man would you be to marry a single mom broad and be ok with raising another mans seed but not having your own
Adebisi_Said
Truth is Power
We need more single mothers with this mindset.
vidyagamer
Rookie
I'm actually about to marry a single mother in less than a month 
1 kid....
But she's not just some random single mother I met... I've known her for half my life. Initially after having the child (before we started dating) she was saying she wasn't sure if she wanted anymore children...
After we started dating we thought we could have 2 more together if we got married, then her daughter got a lil older and I was like... "I just want a son and I'll be good, but if our first child is a girl, we can try one more time"
...She agreed
Now that her daughter is 3, about to be 4....
We're praying to God that our first child is boy so we don't even have to consider having another child.
So with that said... If there is a single mother who doesn't want anymore kids. I don't think it's selfish. Honestly, it's a more informed decision than someone who doesn't have any kids. And if they tell you that from jump, you can't hate her for it.
1 kid....
But she's not just some random single mother I met... I've known her for half my life. Initially after having the child (before we started dating) she was saying she wasn't sure if she wanted anymore children...
After we started dating we thought we could have 2 more together if we got married, then her daughter got a lil older and I was like... "I just want a son and I'll be good, but if our first child is a girl, we can try one more time"
...She agreed
Now that her daughter is 3, about to be 4....
We're praying to God that our first child is boy so we don't even have to consider having another child.
So with that said... If there is a single mother who doesn't want anymore kids. I don't think it's selfish. Honestly, it's a more informed decision than someone who doesn't have any kids. And if they tell you that from jump, you can't hate her for it.
aqualung
I wear a crown of curls.
By refusing to have more kids, she's protecting the kids that she already had in the past. They won't have to compete for resources with kids by the new guy, CUZ THERE WILL BE ZERO KIDS BY THE NEW GUY. Her existing kids get all the benefits of mom's & new guy's money, time, love, estate, etc.
Flip the genders for an insightful example that's been observed in past coli & sohh discussions. It would be strategic if extremely fertile (& fruitful & frequently-multiplying) dudes like Cromartie quit having more additional extra kids. It would be the responsible thing to do. OP's "no mas" single moms are doing what Cromartie-type guys refuse to do. -_-
Flip the genders for an insightful example that's been observed in past coli & sohh discussions. It would be strategic if extremely fertile (& fruitful & frequently-multiplying) dudes like Cromartie quit having more additional extra kids. It would be the responsible thing to do. OP's "no mas" single moms are doing what Cromartie-type guys refuse to do. -_-
Hmm yeh that would eventually be a deal breaker. Every man should have at least one child in their lifetime as long as they are mentally and financially prepared for that child
exactly. the reason i made the thread. i heard a girl i know who had kids say she was done
i was thinking.....if you eventually do find a man, nikka will be the most pitiful mofo of all time. no kids of his own. just raising another nikka's 
I'm actually about to marry a single mother in less than a month
1 kid....
But she's not just some random single mother I met... I've known her for half my life. Initially after having the child (before we started dating) she was saying she wasn't sure if she wanted anymore children...
After we started dating we thought we could have 2 more together if we got married, then her daughter got a lil older and I was like... "I just want a son and I'll be good, but if our first child is a girl, we can try one more time"
...She agreed
Now that her daughter is 3, about to be 4....
We're praying to God that our first child is boy so we don't even have to consider having another child.
So with that said... If there is a single mother who doesn't want anymore kids. I don't think it's selfish. Honestly, it's a more informed decision than someone who doesn't have any kids. And if they tell you that from jump, you can't hate her for it.
Don't do it
I've seen your work....
I know you don't believe in exceptions (and I don't 100% agree with your premise anyway, maybe about 65%)... But this female isn't anywhere close to the stereotypical single mother. I know her in and out because we have been very good friends since 6th grade (about 12 years now).
The one time she had sex with someone she wasn't actually in a relationship with... it was someone that she recently got out of a relationship with, and that's her child's father, and when she got pregnant (Of course now she hates herself for doing it).
Our families have known each other for a while because they lived down the street from each other for those 12 years, up until like 3 months ago... She was never promiscous (although some of the guys she dated were off, so I often questioned her about her decision making).
After she had her child, she honestly didn't even want to be in a relationship with anyone, mostly because her child's father is a douchebag and she didn't want me to have to deal with him, and she felt like it would hinder our relationship, and possibly ruin our friendship.... But I didn't care because stuff rarely bothers me and I barely even get angry.
And on top of that... her "number" is in the single digits (unfortunately I know who all of them are since we were really close friends). And even if there are 3 or 4 she hasn't told me about.... that still puts her at 9 or 10, which I ain't worried about at all....
and like 3 of the people were between like 8th and 10th grade.... and I don't even count that because at that age you don't even really know what you're doing. She has never cheated on any of her boyfriends. In my opinion she's loyal to a fault, because a couple of the guys she's dated did her dirty, and she just dealt with it at first. Like got someone pregnant while she was dating him, dirty. But she was like... "He said it's not his"
Until I talked some sense into her... But that was in 10th or 11th grade.
I've done my research... I'm good breh
aqualung
I wear a crown of curls.
awwww...
Jermaine Colington LOVES that girl.
24 years old is young -- just the right age to naively marry the girl down the street.
Best wishes to the happy couple! <3
I hope they are sitting in side-by-side rocking chairs with happy memories in 60 years.
Jermaine Colington LOVES that girl.
24 years old is young -- just the right age to naively marry the girl down the street.
Best wishes to the happy couple! <3
I hope they are sitting in side-by-side rocking chairs with happy memories in 60 years.
awwww...
Jermaine Colington LOVES that girl.
24 years old is young -- just the right age to naively marry the girl down the street.
Best wishes to the happy couple! <3
I hope they are sitting in side-by-side rocking chairs with happy memories in 60 years.
Damn right I love her.... who marries someone they don't love?
And there are people who get married at 18 and stay together forever, and people that get married in their 30s and don't last a year... Age doesn't have anything to do with anything.
We're both mature enough to know what we want, what we expect out of each other, what we're willing to tolerate from each other, and to know that everything ain't gonna be peaches and cream all the time....
Hell, everything ain't peaches and cream all the time now.
I feel like once both parties realize those things, it's just a matter putting in the work. Plus we've known each other for so long we can't even be mad most of the time... because she knows I can be an a$$hole/sarcastic sometimes, and I know she can be OCD sometimes, but we still chose to be together with that knowledge. So if we get mad over things like that, it's our own fault for putting ourselves in the situation in the first place
I've seen your work....
I know you don't believe in exceptions (and I don't 100% agree with your premise anyway, maybe about 65%)... But this female isn't anywhere close to the stereotypical single mother. I know her in and out because we have been very good friends since 6th grade (about 12 years now).
The one time she had sex with someone she wasn't actually in a relationship with... it was someone that she recently got out of a relationship with, and that's her child's father, and when she got pregnant (Of course now she hates herself for doing it).
Our families have known each other for a while because they lived down the street from each other for those 12 years, up until like 3 months ago... She was never promiscous (although some of the guys she dated were off, so I often questioned her about her decision making).
After she had her child, she honestly didn't even want to be in a relationship with anyone, mostly because her child's father is a douchebag and she didn't want me to have to deal with him, and she felt like it would hinder our relationship, and possibly ruin our friendship.... But I didn't care because stuff rarely bothers me and I barely even get angry.
And on top of that... her "number" is in the single digits (unfortunately I know who all of them are since we were really close friends). And even if there are 3 or 4 she hasn't told me about.... that still puts her at 9 or 10, which I ain't worried about at all....
and like 3 of the people were between like 8th and 10th grade.... and I don't even count that because at that age you don't even really know what you're doing. She has never cheated on any of her boyfriends. In my opinion she's loyal to a fault, because a couple of the guys she's dated did her dirty, and she just dealt with it at first. Like got someone pregnant while she was dating him, dirty. But she was like... "He said it's not his"
Until I talked some sense into her... But that was in 10th or 11th grade.
I've done my research... I'm good breh
Chick is damaged goods and it took her having a child to actually want to give you a shot(you were just a "friend" before that). She didn't want a relationship with you at first after having a child because she was waiting for the baby daddy to turn over a new leaf and decide to actually be a father. It never happened, she knows she's a single mother, and you're the only suitor available that's willing to put a ring on her finger. She's clearly duped you, and you've bought into it. I wish you luck, but this sounds sketchy as hell.