Impact Wrestling 7/5:BFG Series Continues, Countdown To Destination X, & More
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Shadow
Enjoy your life and loved ones.
Thought the show was alright tonight. Aries looking good going into the ppv.
But
at Kenny King just winning the ROH tag titles and then showing up tonight.
Also man I wish Jigsaw or Scorpio Sky had got in instead of Flip tonight. Dude really messed up ole boys face. Kicked him in the face on the way down at the end to. Brutal.
But
at Kenny King just winning the ROH tag titles and then showing up tonight.Also man I wish Jigsaw or Scorpio Sky had got in instead of Flip tonight. Dude really messed up ole boys face. Kicked him in the face on the way down at the end to. Brutal.
The Push Man
Pro
I predict he'll make use of that watch later in the movie, just a feeling I have.
Beautiful Bobby Eatin
SWEEEEEEEEEETNESS!
Wait Kenny King in the impact zone?! I missed that?! What did he have to say?!
Seriously though...
Seriously though...
Wait Kenny King in the impact zone?! I missed that?! What did he have to say?!
Seriously though...
Swagged on some Hit Girl lookin fakkit, then had Christy nuttin in her biker pants during the post-match, lookin to top a nikka off
InstantKlassik
...
I don't care what anybody says, that was a great closing segment
Shadow
Enjoy your life and loved ones.
I don't understand how ROH didn't have one of their tag champs under contract.
Crowd started hitting those YES chants, Aries was like "Okay stop. We get it, you can stop now." Crowd went "
" real quick. Haven't seen someone shut the crowd up like that since Taker hit em with that "Say 'what' if you sleep with your sister!" line.
Regardless though A Double getting the cosigns from H double and now he's brought in K double(Kenny King).
Crowd started hitting those YES chants, Aries was like "Okay stop. We get it, you can stop now." Crowd went "
" real quick. Haven't seen someone shut the crowd up like that since Taker hit em with that "Say 'what' if you sleep with your sister!" line.Regardless though A Double getting the cosigns from H double and now he's brought in K double(Kenny King).
This is what I think about this episode:
Ok TSC, it's time for another live Impact, these live Impacts have been pretty interesting so far so lets keep the streak going. Highlights of Joseph Park/Bully Ray's anti-bullying campagin, also Daniels exposing "Gigolo" AJ Del Ray on being baby daddy to ex-crackhead Clair Lynch... apparently AJ religion doesn't allow condoms or other birth control. Bully Ray hurrying his ass down to the ring to annouce a HUGE announcement... Bully Ray going live on Twitter, WHAT?! I swear I hate Twitter so fukking much especially when it get involved with wrestling but that's just my opinion. Bully calling out Joseph Park and he lurches his ass out, wow he's larger than Bully Ray but is a goddamn coward... a goddamn shame. Oh Snap, Joseph is bossin' up for once looking like he would be best friends with an 80's Dusty Rhodes. Damn the tables are turned (ironic) with Bully Ray pulling a restraigning order on Abyss... then hitting Joseph with a goon punch to the back of the head, classic heel shyt.
Boss Hogan in classic red and yellow talking to Austin Aries in his office agreeing to officially vacating the X-Division Championhip at the end of the night, damn Austin says when it comes to TNA he's gonna "Put the team on his back... fukk YOU CRIMSON!" Earlier footage of Dixie Carter being the most clueless woman in wrestling denying her being a skank as well as her friend being skanky... how is she the boss? Christie Hemme looking good announcing the return of a Television Championship match between Devon vs the former undefeated Crimson. Crimson just did at least 8 heel tactics within the first 30 seconds of the match. That was a hell of a spear by Devon, he's giving Crimson an old school Dudleyville ass-whooping. A spinebuster out of nowhere for the 3 count for Devon... why is it that everytime a wresler goes on a long ass undefeated streak all of a suddenly goes on a losing streak when they finally lose? Oh shyt Queen Maddie coming out to throw her moist panties at her crush... OH shyt IT'S EARL HEBNER'S dikk SHE WANTS IN HER MOUTH, whomever in the TSC said that this would happen deserves 100 Coli Points for predicting TNA's predictable storyline.
An injured Chris Sabin comes to the ring for an interview, why they forced his injured ass to climb in the ring and not just do the interview on stage is beyond me. Sabin looking like a young Wolverine from X-Men: First Class talking about how everyone is wisely telling him to retire and spend the rest of his days dikking down Velvet Sky. Da Champ Robert Roode looking like a lawyer from the show Suits coming down not giving a fukk about Sabin, his injury, or any of the X-Division wrestlers. Oh Snap, Roode beating the shyt outta Sabin's hurt knee LIKE A BAUCE! A-Double superman'd his ass out there for the save, Roode vs Aries this sunday will be a good damn match!
Now it's tine for an X-Division Qualifier Match for the Ultimate X Title Match beween Dakota Dawsow vs Flip Cassanova. Dakota is the son of one of my favorte Federation Era goons the Repo Man. Dakota looks like Dane Cook if he could actually fight, meanwhile Flip looks like a black version of Zack Gowen with 2 legs. Flip Cassanova needs to come out to "I Can Do That" by Lil' Flip... oh snap Dawsow is busted open. OH SNAP a botched shooting star sit down press for the win for the blood splattered win. Apparently Gail Kim used some lawlers to delay the title match until next week so instead tonight Tessmacher is gonna be in a tag team match with her MILF best friend Tara, I know in real life Tara and Tessmacher are best friends but something tells me they both done somes drunken sleep-over lesbian shyt with each other you can just see it in their eyes... or at least in my mind.
Highlights of newly contracted knockout Taeler Hicks being sassy like a pixie, Al Snow is gonna fukk her pretty soon I bet... probably Jeremy Borash as well. A pan-up of sweet georgia Christie Hemme announcing the knockout tag match beween Gail Kim and Madison Hebner vs Tara and Miss Assmacher. Cameraman stay on their job with the zoomed up ass shots of asscheeeks. Tara whooping ass not letting Kenny Dystra's snitching ass fade her, Tessmacher hits her her "Eye of the Hurricane" finisher (shades of Hurricane Helmes) on Madison for the win, HOPEFULLY the Knockouts Title Match happens next week. James Storm talking about how he superkicked Robert Roode straight out of the cage at Lockdown for the inadvertant loss and he's sad about it... the James Storm "Redemption To The Gold" storyline continues on.
Former adulterer to current p*ssyhound AJ Styles comes out to talk about Daniels constantly hating on his steez. Big Sean Kazarian (swerve) and Daniels with a damn appletini straight not giving a fukk comes out to call AJ a liar but Styles ain't trying to hear that bullshyt. Damn AJ takes it back to last year's Destination X ppv and the match AJ and Daniels had with each other with Daniels being salty about losing leading to all of Daniel's alegations... just goes to show you that AJ Styles needs to leave TNA since he's fight the same damn people every year. Backstage Boss Hogan being threatened by some random ass dude giving him a letter with some playing cards calling him out next week... will the prophecy of Booker T's "WE COMING FA YOUUU NIGGGAAA!" threat finally happen?
Jeff Hardy talking about being clean, sober, and not burned out enough to want to win the Bound For Glory Series Tournament. Cutie Pie Christie announcing the second Ultimate X Tournament Match... OH shyt it's Kenny King and he's fighting Lars Only. I always root for my ROH alumni so I hope Kenny wins this. Did Mike Tenay just make a "Magic Mike" reference... fukk outta here with that gay shyt Tenay, C'MON SON! This match is more ground based than the other X-Division matches but both are still doing their thing. Oh snap, a ring post swing around hurracarana by Lars, very nice. Lars looked like he botched a Russian Leg Sweep Stunner and Taz calls him out on it. A spinning fireman's carry forward slam for the win by Kenny King. Kenny flirting with Christie like a TSC poster making us proud.
Clips of The Greatest Man That Ever Lived training to get swole enough to overcome the onslaught that he has to deal with of "Off The Chain" Robert Roode this sunday at Destination X. Backstage ROH Alumni Austin Aries and Kenny King having a reunion, I guess this is TNA's version of Daniel Bryan and CM Punk. Another pan-up of leather laced Christie Hemme to announce the main event, a BFG Series Match between James Storm vs Jeff Hardy. Something tells me Vince McMahon would never allow the over the top face paint Jeff Hardy be painting his face with which is probably why he over-does the designs of his face like a drugged out pisaco. Storm taking his sweet ass time outside heel-like even though the crowd is split between crowd reactions. Oh snap James Storm pulling another move from HBK with an elbow drop from the top rope... a better version than CM Punk. Now he's going for an original HBK move... Sweet Chin Last Call Music... but Jeff counters it to a Twist of Fate for the 7 point win. With Storm having a massive lead Jeff had to win this to keep the tournament competitive.
Highlights of Kurt Angle's debut of TNA punking out Samoa Joe, so this sunday they are going to have a rematch this time for points for the BFG Series. So they are revealing that Bound For Glory this year is going to be in Phoenix, Arizona... anybody happy about this or actually care? Angle strangely putting Mr. Anderson over as a legit threat in the BFG Tournament, apparently Angle vs Anderson is gonna happen next week along with Assmacher vs Gail Kim Knockouts Title Match and Bully Ray vs Joseph Park ass whipping all next week. Hoke Hogan coming down to the ring to claim the X-Division Title from Austin Aries. Damn Hoegan is STILL out-poppin' most of the WWE roster, a true legend both in the ring and as a TSC poster. Robert Roode coming out and ONCE AGAIN putting Hoegan in his place LIKE A BAUCE! Now Aries comes out (and he needs to upgrade to some more godly theme music in my opinion) to put the crowd on hush mode and smacks the hell outta Roode with the X-Division belt as the show fades to black. I'm done TSC, time for me to watch Wilfred and Louie on FX.
Ok TSC, it's time for another live Impact, these live Impacts have been pretty interesting so far so lets keep the streak going. Highlights of Joseph Park/Bully Ray's anti-bullying campagin, also Daniels exposing "Gigolo" AJ Del Ray on being baby daddy to ex-crackhead Clair Lynch... apparently AJ religion doesn't allow condoms or other birth control. Bully Ray hurrying his ass down to the ring to annouce a HUGE announcement... Bully Ray going live on Twitter, WHAT?! I swear I hate Twitter so fukking much especially when it get involved with wrestling but that's just my opinion. Bully calling out Joseph Park and he lurches his ass out, wow he's larger than Bully Ray but is a goddamn coward... a goddamn shame. Oh Snap, Joseph is bossin' up for once looking like he would be best friends with an 80's Dusty Rhodes. Damn the tables are turned (ironic) with Bully Ray pulling a restraigning order on Abyss... then hitting Joseph with a goon punch to the back of the head, classic heel shyt.
Boss Hogan in classic red and yellow talking to Austin Aries in his office agreeing to officially vacating the X-Division Championhip at the end of the night, damn Austin says when it comes to TNA he's gonna "Put the team on his back... fukk YOU CRIMSON!" Earlier footage of Dixie Carter being the most clueless woman in wrestling denying her being a skank as well as her friend being skanky... how is she the boss? Christie Hemme looking good announcing the return of a Television Championship match between Devon vs the former undefeated Crimson. Crimson just did at least 8 heel tactics within the first 30 seconds of the match. That was a hell of a spear by Devon, he's giving Crimson an old school Dudleyville ass-whooping. A spinebuster out of nowhere for the 3 count for Devon... why is it that everytime a wresler goes on a long ass undefeated streak all of a suddenly goes on a losing streak when they finally lose? Oh shyt Queen Maddie coming out to throw her moist panties at her crush... OH shyt IT'S EARL HEBNER'S dikk SHE WANTS IN HER MOUTH, whomever in the TSC said that this would happen deserves 100 Coli Points for predicting TNA's predictable storyline.
An injured Chris Sabin comes to the ring for an interview, why they forced his injured ass to climb in the ring and not just do the interview on stage is beyond me. Sabin looking like a young Wolverine from X-Men: First Class talking about how everyone is wisely telling him to retire and spend the rest of his days dikking down Velvet Sky. Da Champ Robert Roode looking like a lawyer from the show Suits coming down not giving a fukk about Sabin, his injury, or any of the X-Division wrestlers. Oh Snap, Roode beating the shyt outta Sabin's hurt knee LIKE A BAUCE! A-Double superman'd his ass out there for the save, Roode vs Aries this sunday will be a good damn match!
Now it's tine for an X-Division Qualifier Match for the Ultimate X Title Match beween Dakota Dawsow vs Flip Cassanova. Dakota is the son of one of my favorte Federation Era goons the Repo Man. Dakota looks like Dane Cook if he could actually fight, meanwhile Flip looks like a black version of Zack Gowen with 2 legs. Flip Cassanova needs to come out to "I Can Do That" by Lil' Flip... oh snap Dawsow is busted open. OH SNAP a botched shooting star sit down press for the win for the blood splattered win. Apparently Gail Kim used some lawlers to delay the title match until next week so instead tonight Tessmacher is gonna be in a tag team match with her MILF best friend Tara, I know in real life Tara and Tessmacher are best friends but something tells me they both done somes drunken sleep-over lesbian shyt with each other you can just see it in their eyes... or at least in my mind.
Highlights of newly contracted knockout Taeler Hicks being sassy like a pixie, Al Snow is gonna fukk her pretty soon I bet... probably Jeremy Borash as well. A pan-up of sweet georgia Christie Hemme announcing the knockout tag match beween Gail Kim and Madison Hebner vs Tara and Miss Assmacher. Cameraman stay on their job with the zoomed up ass shots of asscheeeks. Tara whooping ass not letting Kenny Dystra's snitching ass fade her, Tessmacher hits her her "Eye of the Hurricane" finisher (shades of Hurricane Helmes) on Madison for the win, HOPEFULLY the Knockouts Title Match happens next week. James Storm talking about how he superkicked Robert Roode straight out of the cage at Lockdown for the inadvertant loss and he's sad about it... the James Storm "Redemption To The Gold" storyline continues on.
Former adulterer to current p*ssyhound AJ Styles comes out to talk about Daniels constantly hating on his steez. Big Sean Kazarian (swerve) and Daniels with a damn appletini straight not giving a fukk comes out to call AJ a liar but Styles ain't trying to hear that bullshyt. Damn AJ takes it back to last year's Destination X ppv and the match AJ and Daniels had with each other with Daniels being salty about losing leading to all of Daniel's alegations... just goes to show you that AJ Styles needs to leave TNA since he's fight the same damn people every year. Backstage Boss Hogan being threatened by some random ass dude giving him a letter with some playing cards calling him out next week... will the prophecy of Booker T's "WE COMING FA YOUUU NIGGGAAA!" threat finally happen?
Jeff Hardy talking about being clean, sober, and not burned out enough to want to win the Bound For Glory Series Tournament. Cutie Pie Christie announcing the second Ultimate X Tournament Match... OH shyt it's Kenny King and he's fighting Lars Only. I always root for my ROH alumni so I hope Kenny wins this. Did Mike Tenay just make a "Magic Mike" reference... fukk outta here with that gay shyt Tenay, C'MON SON! This match is more ground based than the other X-Division matches but both are still doing their thing. Oh snap, a ring post swing around hurracarana by Lars, very nice. Lars looked like he botched a Russian Leg Sweep Stunner and Taz calls him out on it. A spinning fireman's carry forward slam for the win by Kenny King. Kenny flirting with Christie like a TSC poster making us proud.
Clips of The Greatest Man That Ever Lived training to get swole enough to overcome the onslaught that he has to deal with of "Off The Chain" Robert Roode this sunday at Destination X. Backstage ROH Alumni Austin Aries and Kenny King having a reunion, I guess this is TNA's version of Daniel Bryan and CM Punk. Another pan-up of leather laced Christie Hemme to announce the main event, a BFG Series Match between James Storm vs Jeff Hardy. Something tells me Vince McMahon would never allow the over the top face paint Jeff Hardy be painting his face with which is probably why he over-does the designs of his face like a drugged out pisaco. Storm taking his sweet ass time outside heel-like even though the crowd is split between crowd reactions. Oh snap James Storm pulling another move from HBK with an elbow drop from the top rope... a better version than CM Punk. Now he's going for an original HBK move... Sweet Chin Last Call Music... but Jeff counters it to a Twist of Fate for the 7 point win. With Storm having a massive lead Jeff had to win this to keep the tournament competitive.
Highlights of Kurt Angle's debut of TNA punking out Samoa Joe, so this sunday they are going to have a rematch this time for points for the BFG Series. So they are revealing that Bound For Glory this year is going to be in Phoenix, Arizona... anybody happy about this or actually care? Angle strangely putting Mr. Anderson over as a legit threat in the BFG Tournament, apparently Angle vs Anderson is gonna happen next week along with Assmacher vs Gail Kim Knockouts Title Match and Bully Ray vs Joseph Park ass whipping all next week. Hoke Hogan coming down to the ring to claim the X-Division Title from Austin Aries. Damn Hoegan is STILL out-poppin' most of the WWE roster, a true legend both in the ring and as a TSC poster. Robert Roode coming out and ONCE AGAIN putting Hoegan in his place LIKE A BAUCE! Now Aries comes out (and he needs to upgrade to some more godly theme music in my opinion) to put the crowd on hush mode and smacks the hell outta Roode with the X-Division belt as the show fades to black. I'm done TSC, time for me to watch Wilfred and Louie on FX.
Beautiful Bobby Eatin
SWEEEEEEEEEETNESS!
Swagged on some Hit Girl lookin fakkit, then had Christy nuttin in her biker pants during the post-match, lookin to top a nikka off
Wow, no Bucks, AND Kenny might be gone? They might have to push the Bravados now. OR maybe theres a working agreement with ROH again?
Daylito droppin that weekly gospel
I wonder who the eighth guy is going to be in the tournament. Right now they only have 7 Zema, Williams, Kid Kash, Sonjay, Rashad, Flip, and K2.
Beautiful Bobby Eatin
SWEEEEEEEEEETNESS!
fukk it bring in Pac and Generico and let Generico go over.
Shadow
Enjoy your life and loved ones.
Joey Ryan maybe? Alex Silva? Maybe they'll debut another guy this sunday.
Like I said last week...if El Generico runs down that isle...
Updated BFG chart:
Credit: Hulkamatt-somethingawful
TNA don't do numbers like the E, but some of the best places to eat ain't been heard of by most of the world 