Yeah. I'm Black. You cant fucc with no dikk, and I use to be fat when I was younger so you know the black girls did me awful dirty for no reason at all. It wasn't even like I was pressing them or even interacting with them at all. I'm pretty sure I had social anxiety or some type of antisocial disorder. To this day I still don't speak to anyone, not even my family unless spoken to. Even then I'm short with it.
Not even going to go into my mom. I feel like if she was even half of a good parent my life would have been completely different. It took for me to become an adult to realize how shytty she was. My siblings turned out ok, but I feel that is more so do to natural selection. They didn't have the same issues I had. Which allowed them to carve out a life in society even it was the bare minimum.
In my early 20's I lost the weight and got some of what I felt like was interest from women, but I had to turn those down immediately because I have no meat. Now I'm mid to late 20's. I gained a lot of the weight back, I'm not obese but stocky. Pretty much fighting everyday to find someway to deal with the fact that I will never have a kids or a family. All of my siblings have multiple kids. The most horrendous feeling I've ever felt was watching my 18 year old nephew. (whose diapers I've changed) talk to his dad ( my brother) about the chicks he's smashing. Meanwhile I'm a virgin.
My soul definitely burned slow that day. Its a crazy feeling having to have talk yourself out of your natural motivation everyday, because you know there's nothing you can ever really do about your issues. I read these forums everyday and it's exhausting, because I care about these issues and they affect me, but they don't apply to me. I really have no say, or affect on them, and I never will. No matter what I try to do. Which is a subhuman feeling. I don't know if I articulated it in a way you can understand, but that's how it feels to me. I been dealing with the same shyt my whole life, throughout every level. At this point I'm just tired.
fukked up thing is this isn't even the worst part of my life lol Not even top 2.