I’m sorry.
I’ve been there recently and I’m still there, tbh with myself. That moment of discovery is gonna replay in your head constantly. I think blaming yourself is normal, but shouldn’t be done as it’s just regrets surfacing imo.
Telling your children is never easy, especially when death comes out of nowhere. My kid didn’t cry and carry on like adults tend to do, so that helped me tremendously.
And if they say they’re okay, THEY’RE NOT. I was checking the iPad and when I saw the messages sent to mom, it hurt.