Are her sons father in the picture?
I dated a single mother once and in the back of my mind it always felt like she was schemin.
I salute you, breh. You have the patience of Job. I may have overlooked it but, would you date another single mom?
Nah. We in Raleigh, they dad lives in Harrisonburg VA, it's really only a 4-hour drive. He hasn't seen his kids with her since May 2020, going on two years, and she said that's cause she took them there to his sister's house. I can say for certain in the 14 months I been around her he hasn't been to see them once...
He also has two other kids floating around here somewhere, and he has two other kids in VA. Allegedly he's in his VA kids' lives, but I dont know that, never talked to or met the man. In the 14 months I been kicking it with her, he's called her sons on the phone,
his sons, about 25 times max. May be a little less than that but it hasn't been more than 25 times. He sent about $300 worth of clothes once, then sent a $150 CashApp once, and thats it in the time I've known her...
Now, obviously I don't know everything about her past with dude, so I'm not saying I do. But I've spent enough time around them in recent history, that man is not here for his children...
Dudes cracking jokes in here about broken homes and not being there for they kids have no clue what they talking about. I've never broken any home and I've been in all three of my daughters lives from Day One of the pregnancy, without fail. nikkas can carry that stupid shyt somewhere else...
I would date a single mother again, but our parenting ideology has to align. It just has to, every little thing? Of course not, but there are some real big deals that are non-negotiable for me...I'd also date women who dont have kids, its not an either/or thing with me because theres benefits and drawbacks to both. The woman I'm seeking has more to her personality than whether she has kids or not!
You said that single mother was scheming, in what sense? When i was 22 i dated a woman who had three kids at the time, who basically liked that I was consistent dikk until I wasnt, and that i was an in-house babysitter. This one here, I think she really, really wanted to have the baby she lost, and whoever the dad was, was inconsequential. I think there are things she likes and loves about me but that she was having a child whichever the next guy who seeded her, because she claimed she hated the ex right before me, but woulda had the baby because she don't believe in abortions, etc.
So in that sense, I've mentioned I was blind to that for the first few months, it wasn't until 2-3 months into the pregnancy that I realized this was a possibility. Of course she outright denies this but there were signs to the affirmative...
Lotta nikkas in here get hung up on chicks fukking with somebody else and making jokes and shyt, that dont really bother me. Im human, I'd feel a twinge of sadness for sure, but it's not something I'd trip on, she was talking to other guys when we met Summer 2020. She was talking to the ex, the one who baby she miscarried, until we were about 4 months in. And she's a closet bisexual, she don't identify that way or want to be publicly seen as that, but she'd like to get licked by and date a certain profile of woman if she can keep it on the low...
I know all this about her, her fukking with someone else ain't as big a deal as it would be for other nikkas. I missed the signs early, in retrospect for sure they all showed themselves, but it wasn't until the announcement that she was pregnant, that I kinda woke up from a slumber and things started crystallizing for me, but ive always took accountability for just racing past Go and not properly vetting if she was what I wanted. When I did it was too late, she wasn't getting rid if "her baby"...
Something people don’t consider. Hell I think it’s a good conversation even if you don’t have kids. My wife and I have different styles. Some shyt I don’t agree with (I’m strict in some areas) where I think she’s soft on our son. These are discussions we never had before getting married.
Now bringing kids into the relationship is tough because if your styles don’t align you will likely have plenty of disagreements when it comes to discipline. How do you even discipline someone else’s kid anyways? What if their kids have terrible habits because they haven’t been raised properly?
The funny thing is blended families are very, very common in the US, despite the authoritative tone you hear nikkas speak with on here. Blended whether married or not. So these are common issues that a large percentage of American adults deal or have dealt with, especially if you're black...
The thing is when youre engaging in a blended family like this, you gotta have the parenting talk really early. Like ASAP, it gotta be one of the "get to know you" first couple dates conversations. And for me it wasnt, as i said initially it was a smash, then kind of a little fling. We were probably about a month abd a half in when I first broached the parenting subject with her, and she finessed her way away from it. Found out she was pregnant about a month and a half later, and subsequently there were many conversations about it. It should have been an immediate thing for me though...
If you have this convo abd still choose to pursue a relationship, yall gotta be clear on what "discipline" means to you both. Her and I, it's very different, and there has to be a basic tolerance of allowing each other to discipline the other's kids, which there is to an extent with us...
@murksiderock
Quick question? Did you sign the Affidavit of Parentage at the hospital?
"There must also be genetic tests that show the person that signed the Affidavit of Parentage is not the biological father of the child. The burden of proof rests on the individual asking the court to set aside the Affidavit of Parentage. Simply not being the biological father is not enough to set aside the Affidavit of Parentage, there still must be fraud, duress, mutual mistake, or excusable neglect when someone signed the Affidavit of Parentage."
"If the court grants your motion to set aside an Affidavit of Parentage, the legal effect is that you are no longer the child’s legal father. It is important to be aware that this is something the courts rarely do."
Why go through all these trials & tribulations with a woman for a child that may not even be yours without a DNA test beforehand?
Couldn't get the DNA test at the hospital because her ID was expired. I swear to God that's what I was told on September 20, I couldn't even sign the birth certificate if I wanted to, because her ID was expired. So no I haven't signed anything, but when I go to child support they'll kick in motion the Affidavit of Parentage...
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. nikka, all I could do was laugh and thank God for looking out.
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