Brolic
High Value Poster
D.C. Police Searching for Man Who Sodomized Himself with a Cucumber
Home security footage reveals why a Truxton Circle resident found bits of cucumber in the grill of her Nissan.
washingtoncitypaper.com
The video Catherine Baker posted on Reddit this week is very clear. You could even say crisp.
It begins with a man in a blue shirt slipping through a hole in the rear fence of her Truxton Circle home (she says a driver crashed a stolen car into it last week). He holds a cigarette in his mouth and what appears to be a lunch box in his hand.
From the lunch box the man pulls out what looks to many viewers to be a cucumber (it’s certainly green and phallic-shaped) and proceeds to mosey to the front of Baker’s silver Nissan parked in her driveway.
The man then appears to affix the—let’s just call it a cucumber—to the car’s grill, pulls down his pants, spits in his hand, and—there is really no other way to say this—sodomizes himself. Then he lights the cig.
At one point, a car drives through the alley, and the man pauses. When the coast is clear, he saunters back to the hole in the fence, extinguishes his heater, and continues … ahem.
When he’s done, the man returns the cucumber to his lunch box and exits the premises through the gap from which he came.
Baker says she noticed the traces of cucumber on her car when she returned home and then checked her security camera footage. Not exactly the fruit basket she was expecting.
She says she only moved to Truxton Circle two months ago. Between the busted fence and the Case of the Cucumber Sodomy, it’s been a wild ride. She posted the video online Monday, and it obviously went viral.
