You had me till you started talking about the fool c00n shyt.
But your other points are valid. I grew up in a rough neighborhood, and anybody who wasn't your standard issue black person got roasted relentlessly. I used to get shyt on for liking non traditionally black music genres. There was a kid who willingly came to school essentially in business casual attire because he thought he looked best in it. Roasted.
As I was able to improve my financial situation and move away, I've noticed that a lot of well off or successful black folks look at me different when the subject of where I'm from comes up. It's weird that we'll be more suspicious of people within our own community than those from outside it.
What I think it is is that we aren't the most accepting people, but whether we consciously know it or not, we're the group the most eager for acceptance. It's like we're happy to accept outsiders because it's validation that we really are ok, and have culture that other people want. As if that wasn't already obvious.
Again, a great summation of this situation is that she didn't know or accept herself as black until she was 14. Regardless of the people you live around and associate with, an important part of your development as a person is learning who you are. It's almost as if her parents never bothered to point out the black parts of her heritage to her, which is unfortunate if true.