any of yall were raised around or by narcissists?

[WTFisWallace?]

let me guess.....she plays the, "boy, i'm yo MAMA!" card to guilt trip you into accepting her negative ways huh?

Naw she's never used that card, with me or my siblings. (In terms of the "I'm your mother" thing, she actual leans into "my sister is your mom").

After a certain point she didn't really display typical "motherly" or 'nurturing' qualities. For me, it was never a big deal cause that's the version of her I know and love. There's an age between my siblings, so they know/remember a different version.



This is not to say she doesn't love us. Just comes out in different ways, and she will destroy us, attack us emotionally once she centers any issue around herself. She'd legit throw down for us, give us an arm if we needed it.







The card she uses......is that no matter what transpired, even if she's the offender/aggressor....she will play the victim and/or not see anything wrong in her own doing. Feeds lies and also believes her own lies.

 

[WTFisWallace?]

You gotta cut a narcissistic completely off and not even entertain 1% of the bullshyt. Just cut them out your life. If you passive they gonna manipulate the fukk out of you. If you confrontational it’s just gonna be arguments and toxic shyt all the time. Having a zero tolerance for fukk shyt better is the best thing you can do for peace of mind. If I was a mental health professional I would prescribe zerotolerance pills. Made by No fukk shyt Rx. 1000 milligrams per pill. Im taxing too. I need $40 a pill. No wholesale. All breakdowns

100% on the manipulation.


For years, I just constantly called out all her bullshyt, manipulation, and negativity. As soon as a the convo veered that way, would immediately cut her off and offer to redirect the convo back to truth and/or positivity or let's just end it all together. Led to less talks, calls, etc. But you can't allow manipulation to fester. Unfortunately, it was only me and my brother that held her accountable in that way, so she had no reason to change or address her actions.

 

[Dont@Me]

Yea but u have to take into account that a lot of elders weren't looking at this from a neuro ,more scientific perspective, mostly was just maybe spiritual at best

I forgave alot of ignorance for that reason. They are not using the same tools you are using to make assessments

Finding out that all this time you were dealing with a person with a social disorder, is like watching a movie with a major plot twist at the end

One that makes you look at all the scenes differently from the beginning when you go back through it

Thats basically me making sense of why this person was acting this way since my childhood.

you truly are wise....and a seemingly good writer too
besides not having the tools we have, accepting the physical abuse by my brother as sibling rivalry still doesn't swing with me.
fukk that noise, and i don't think i can forgive them for that.

 

[Dont@Me]

You are angry because of the negative effects he had on you and the time wasted not being able to be yourself and you had his narcissistic influence on you now you realize it and also realize there’s more work to do to get over it or come to terms…yea it’s a lot of time wasted or not spent being who you could of been but what can you do you didn’t pick him as a brother the only sin here is what you do with the knowledge you have now … you know better and are in more control of your life make better choices for your life everyday …6 months from now you good…we have things we have to do everyday every week every month to be successful here there’s no time to waste you were already sidetracked it’s time to course correct…Take care of yourself

you hit the nail on the head. this is exactly why i'm angry. i've let many goals and even careers pass by come to find out it's from my unconscious wiring from my trauma brought on by these mf's. I'm actively trying to fight my natural tendencies nowadays and hopefully that'll get me where i want to be.

 

[ObsidianDev]

Wasn't raised by him ("luckily" or "unluckily", depending on how you view the resulting outcomes), but my father is one, without a doubt.


A charismatic, older Black male role model who recently won a lifetime achievement award, publically.


A cruel, image-obsessed coward, liar and possible abuser, privately.


Absolutely narcissistic. Possibly sociopathic.


And I don't mean "sociopathic" lightly. At all.

 

[SupaDupaFresh]

Yea but u have to take into account that a lot of elders weren't looking at this from a neuro ,more scientific perspective, mostly was just maybe spiritual at best

I forgave alot of ignorance for that reason. They are not using the same tools you are using to make assessments

Finding out that all this time you were dealing with a person with a social disorder, is like watching a movie with a major plot twist at the end

One that makes you look at all the scenes differently from the beginning when you go back through it

Thats basically me making sense of why this person was acting this way since my childhood.

Wow. I'm shocked this post came from you.

Much respect my brother for enduring a tough childhood and having greater inteospect about family that our folks generation just didnt have the opportunity been there.

 

[Yaboysix]

Hmm ...how do narcissists act dealing with OTHER narcissists? (Work, family, groups)

 

[Givethanks]

What's a narcissist, I always hear ppl throwing that term around but have no idea what it means.

Is it some shyt you have to get diagnosed for?

 

[Dont@Me]

Hmm ...how do narcissists act dealing with OTHER narcissists? (Work, family, groups)

They probably couldn't fukkin handle it tbh. due to their self-centeredness, they'd probably clash.

 

[Mank1nd]

I feel like I'm an narcissist tbh or maybe became one due to being around folks with that mentality. I grew up being overly concerned about my image and how people thought about me, that I'd try to create my own narrative about myself and why I did certain things. I had to completely embarrass myself for the last year or so, exposing whoever the fukk I was pretending to be, in order to understand how flawed I was. It's weird because I never view myself that way. I'm the type of person that would accept criticism as along as it's fair but not condescending criticism. Such as someone telling you're doing something wrong, for the sake of a "gotcha" moment as oppose to actually caring about you doing right. I hate a$$holes but I'm an a$$hole myself and in realizing that I had to accept that first. I'd lose sleep everyday trying to retell a situation in a way that I was right when I was actually wrong. I been doing that since I was like 12, now I'm 25. Shyt hurts man, I could go into all the trauma shyt I dealt with at home or in school to work recently but honestly breh, you got to decide how you want to live the rest of your life. That's the only way you could take control of yourself and the world around you.

 

[RehReh]

Not a narcissist, however my Dad has extreme OCD which has definitely influenced me

My rugs have to be equally aligned to furniture
Shoes have to face the same way

I even fold my money all the same way, face up.
And If I go to someone's home and their bed is not laid, I will randomly make it for them,
I learned the hard way, some people don't like this, they want their room just the way it is

I try to fight but it makes my eye twitch

 

[Gloxina]

Man


The amount of unlearning and bullshyt you have to unpack as an adult from childhood is crazy

And I feel a little bit for the older generation. They didn’t have as many outlets to express themselves and all of that but still it’s tough.

That is EXACTLY how it feels and where I am.

Now that I’m older and a bit more removed from it some of my elders are very clear that I need to basically put my mom to the side and worry about myself and whatever happens, happens. Which sounds cold as hell but from the outside looking in there were probably things they couldn’t say or do during my childhood, and now that I’m grown they can have more adult, nuanced conversations with me about my parents.


I say all that to say…

OP, we feel you.


Therapy, stoicism, prayer, and self-care.
Not necessarily in that order.

 

[Gloxina]

I definitely ascribed to the "that's just the way they are" stuff, especially with family. But there's gotta be limits. Unfortunately as family (from her children, husband, sisters) we let my mom go way past that limit. But after last year, I had to stop communication outside of major family events. The lack of access to me, somehow triggers her more into a defense/attack mentality.



My brother has seen it for a a while but I always blew it off, but last year while my dad was on his death bed.....saw a look in my mom's eye that had me like

damn near some evil Split shyt going on

Aw man. Let me just say, my mother had a particularly selfish moment one Mother’s Day, pertaining to another relative I was trying to celebrate…

That was the day my emotions kind of turned “off”.


Yea that “evil” look shyt is real; that’s all mental health issues right there.

 

[Amestafuu (Emeritus)]

the psychological fukk up that sticks with you throughout life man......and no one sees it and wants to play along like everything is okay, yet you're stuck with the trauma for life.

you are just learning why mental health matters and how little it is understood or prioritized by brehs.

yet we carry trauma the most

that is a terrible mismatch.

we need to be innovative in therapy because we are overburdened with trauma

 

[Dont@Me]

Y

Aw man. Let me just say, my mother had a particularly selfish moment one Mother’s Day, pertaining to another relative I was trying to celebrate…

That was the day my emotions kind of turned “off”.


Yea that “evil” look shyt is real; that’s all mental health issues right there.

yea my brother has this selfish ass look that physically makes him look like a fukking pig and I'm like the only one that sees it. It's ironic. Selfish azzhole.