AIYO. On everything B. Fukk Earthquake that fat fukk!

[General Mills]

I of course told yall the story about Earthquake sonning me. The first part of the story was lost when got gunned up and clapped quick. So here is Part 1 of the fukkery.

All of this started because of my home girl Lori. Lori was a home girl in every sense of the word. She is like one of the fellas. She can out drink and party anyone. And I am including me. Many times we have partied and I have been done dealing by 6am. Only to keep going out of spite because she was just getting started. We have been friends for a long time and our relationship was circled around vodka, clubs, and . . well vodka and clubs.
Lori and I never had a romantic relationship. I was never interested in her sexually at all. For one, I have seen the riff raff she usually hooked up with. and they looked very scruffy. Secondly there was something about her that turned me off on a sexual level. Maybe it was her agnostic beliefs, or the fact that the decades of wearing flip flops have turned her feet into Flintstone replicas.

We never hooked up or even kissed. But she has on occasion cock blocked me inadvertently. . .And this time she cock blocked me good.

I was hanging out with Lori on a Saturday night. We were talking about going out to a club in Jacksonville but neither of us were eager to visit Jax's meager clubs. We had just came back from Miami and literally partied all night on Ocean Drive then hit Club Space for afterhours. We had a crazy fukkery filled night to say the least. I took one day to recuperate. . Then drove back to Jacksonville. She was on vacation and drove up to Jax to hang with friends. Now it is a Saturday night. What is there to do I said? She was studying the Folio ( Jax Events Paper ) and said excitedly..

"EARTHQUAKE IS HERE! LETS GO! WE CAN CATCH THE 10:00 SHOW AT THE COMEDY ZONE!"

I would soon see Earthquake live for the first time. . Sadly for me it was not to be the last.

 

[Worthless Loser]

Another story?!

 

[Rue]

 

[TEH]

IN

 

[Box Factory]

Earthquake the comedian or this guy

I'm sure it's the comedian but I assumed it was the wrestler at first

Still holding out a lil hope.

 

[Amy Traphouse]

The story that started it all.

 

[General Mills]

I figured why not, I had seen his comedy special on HBO and of course seen him on Def Comedy Jam. . He had some funny stuff, Lets do it. Plus I was not willing to admit to Lori that I was partied out for the near future. Club Space had drained me. We get to the Comedy Club. Quickly get our drinks and enjoy the opening comics and the final act. Quake killed it mane! I could not even hate. Had us both rolling in our seats and it may have had something to do with the three drinks apiece we had but all in all it was a great show.


It is time to go and we are walking out and Lori says she wants to buy his CD and get a picture with him. So we wait in the long line with and finally its our turn. I take the photo with Lori's camera. He asks if I want one too and I am like "nah im good." Yeah he was funny but what do I look like getting my picture taken with another man?

We are getting ready to walk away when Quake comes up to me and gives me a pound and we do the universal man greeting. The half hand shake half hug. As we get close he says in a quietly in his high pitched tone. .


"Aye homie. . you got any weed?"

 

[ba'al]

 

[General Mills]

I chuckle to myself. I get this all the time. People assume I smoke. Never smoked in my life. I have nothing against it. I even like the smell. It is just not me tho. And if I did happen to know someone who could hook him up I would have helped but I honestly did not at that moment. So I tell him discreetly:

Me - Ayo I am sorry fam. I do not for real.

Quake - Oh its no problem at all. I understand.

Me - Your show was on point tho!! ( I give him another pound )

Quake - ( returns the pound ) Its all good. Whats your name playa?

Me - General!!

Quake - Thanks for coming out again General. Have a good night.




And that was that. . We left and I went back to my crib for some well needed rest. . Plus. . I had something lined up for tomorrow so I needed to be fresh. . In typical Mills fashion tho I ended up getting murked.

 

[dontreadthis]

Gen blessing us with another one? and so soon?!

 

[General Mills]

Now Sat was with Lori my home girl. But Sunday I was spending the afternoon and evening with someone who I REALLY wanted to get to know more. Her name was Terry. She had that dark chocolate skin, perfect white teeth and the shape of a goddess. We had met two weeks prior at a bar. After some shots of liquid courage I got her on the dance floor and had enough game to get her number.
After some conversations we decided we would chill together on Sunday. I am not a micro manager. I tend to let things develop naturally. I had the late lunch spot already picked out. Everything after that was up in the air. We ended up at the beach after we ate and had a few drinks while we chatted and joked. It was now getting later and we both were not quite ready for the night to end yet. . . I was scrambling to think of something on the spot. . Then it hit me. . Earthquake!! It is a good show. She will laugh, we will still be able to interact not like a movie theater. . .and the tickets are CHEAP! Even better!

I tell her we are going to the Comedy Zone and she is excited. . I book the tickets on my phone and pick our seats. . Since we were last minute we had to get seats way in the back. Which was fine with me. We did not need to be close to the stage anyway. We get there and we watch the opening comic. I am still laughing despite seeing the same act the day before. .

Quake comes on and he is hilarious again. I have a new found respect for comics who perform the same material over and over again. Even though I knew the jokes he still had me genuinely laughing. I look over at Terry and she has tears in her eyes. This night is a success!!


Well. . . I was getting ahead of myself. . In mid sentence. In mid joke. . Quake stops. . And peers into the crowd. . Then uses his hands to shade his eyes while he looks in my direction. . I feel a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach . He slowly grins. .

And yells. . . ." Hey homie! YOU CAME BACK FOR ANOTHER SHOW??"!?!

 

[Yaboysix]

this gone b good.comedic fukkery! !!! Almost local too lmao!!

 

[Neuromancer]

Oh man this is why I joined.

 

[Mass]

Now Sat was with Lori my home girl. But Sunday I was spending the afternoon and evening with someone who I REALLY wanted to get to know more. Her name was Terry. She had that dark chocolate skin, perfect white teeth and the shape of a goddess. We had met two weeks prior at a bar. After some shots of liquid courage I got her on the dance floor and had enough game to get her number.
After some conversations we decided we would chill together on Sunday. I am not a micro manager. I tend to let things develop naturally. I had the late lunch spot already picked out. Everything after that was up in the air. We ended up at the beach after we ate and had a few drinks while we chatted and joked. It was now getting later and we both were not quite ready for the night to end yet. . . I was scrambling to think of something on the spot. . Then it hit me. . Earthquake!! It is a good show. She will laugh, we will still be able to interact not like a movie theater. . .and the tickets are CHEAP! Even better!

I tell her we are going to the Comedy Zone and she is excited. . I book the tickets on my phone and pick our seats. . Since we were last minute we had to get seats way in the back. Which was fine with me. We did not need to be close to the stage anyway. We get there and we watch the opening comic. I am still laughing despite seeing the same act the day before. .

Quake comes on and he is hilarious again. I have a new found respect for comics who perform the same material over and over again. Even though I knew the jokes he still had me genuinely laughing. I look over at Terry and she has tears in her eyes. This night is a success!!


Well. . . I was getting ahead of myself. . In mid sentence. In mid joke. . Quake stops. . And peers into the crowd. . Then uses his hands to shade his eyes while he looks in my direction. . I feel a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach . He slowly grins. .

And yells. . . ." Hey homie! YOU CAME BACK FOR ANOTHER SHOW??"!?!

Lmao!

 

[General Mills]

Inside I am freaking the hell out! How the hell did he see me wayyyyy in the back?? Nobody knows yet who he is looking at. So everybody is kinda laughing nervously not sure what the joke is. I look at Terry and she has zero idea. She is looking around too. So I follow her lead. Pretend to scan the room for his mysterious homie.

Quake bellows again in his loud ass high voice.. " I KNOW THATS YOU NIGGGAAAAAAAA! WHATS UP MANN! HEY EVERYBODY. GIVE THIS MAN AND HIS GIRL A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR COMING OUT TO SUPPORT ME TWO DAYS IN A ROW!!" And he is pointing at somebody behind me. . I am thinking to myself . . THANK YOU LORD!! All of a sudden a hot white spotlight hits our table. . He was pointing to the lighting guy. . Oh crap.


Everybody in the place starts clapping!

My girl is looking confused as hell. So I match her confusion on my face. Then Quake puts a dagger into me. He yells again. " YOU ARE THE BEST MY nikkaAAAA! YOU AND YOUR LOVELY LADY. . OH WAIT. . OOOPS!! THAT IS NOT THE SAME LADY YOU HAD WITH YOU LAST NIGHT!!"

Then he puts his hand over his mouth and mockingly looks shocked. . . The whole crowd goes OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH on some Jerry Springer shyt and they all start laughing and pointing! Terry looks at me still confused and says. . " Where you here yesterday with another girl??" I think quick on my feet and a lie flies out of my mouth. " this must be part of his act girl . I was not here." She says " oh ok and starts to laugh ( nervously ) again."

Meanwhile that nikka Quake is up on stage looking at me dead in my face with a assholish grin on his mug.

I am looking at him and trying to tell him with my eyes to CHILLLLLLLLLLL . Quake had already stuck a dagger into me. . Now he decides to twist.