Admit simp crimes you've committed

[KEEPITTRILLA]

Let's see who can top buying a mac book for a chick among other things.

 

[havoc00]

I let my victim have water

 

[ThaBoyBam]

Let's see who can top buying a mac book for a chick among other things.

Aint nothing topping that shyt breh

 

[MikelArteta]

got engaged at 21

 

[ThaBoyBam]

got engaged at 21

That's just fukking stupid. Not really a simp move.

 

[Rarely-Wrong Liggins]

Confessions of a True (and Utterly Pathetic) Simp (Me)

Some names have been changed to protect the guilty. If you know who you are and still feel some kind of way, too bad! Let's go.....

But um, I had a crush on this chick in 9th grade. Everyone HATED her. She had NO friends whatsoever. I liked her. She was a short, cute little thing with a big 'ol booty. I simped HARD. Letters, walking her to class, defending her when everybody would talk down. Then for Valentine's day 2000, I bought her some roses. I remember that day vividly. I rode the Metro bus to school, bus 2089.

Anyway, I get there. I get made fun of (RIP Rayford). Chick gets the flowers. Meaningless words are exchanged. I get no pu$$y or no girl out of this because my play sister (yeah, I had one of those so you know what my status was) and her hated each other. Good excuse.

I saw her recently downtown and the chick spoke to my cousin whom she met like three times maybe in 9th grade (he went to the school next door) and she just ignored me. Later I realized I didn't see her stupid statuses on FB whining about loneliness and men and I found she deleted my ass as a friend. Oh well.

Chick named Laura, I got a few stories about her, but this one's a doozy. I used to be up at this chick's house everyday, not fukking, not feeling, not groping nothing, nathan, nada. Just simping, cleaning, watching her kid brother Munchie, and listening to Destiny Child's "Writing on the Wall" cd.

Well one day I was helping this chick clean and her dude came over. I met him before and he saw I was no threat so I was basically a prop when he came by. Well, I'm cleaning up the bedroom when he drops by and after a minute she closes the door shutting me in. I hear the vacuum going for awhile then it cuts off. All is quiet. Then I hear moaning and shyt for like 10 minutes then it's quiet again. I stayed in that room for some time. Then she came in to grab some new panties. She thought I was sleep but I wasn't. I was mad that whole day. She knew I was bothered but I was too pu$$y to speak up. I was a sad individual.

 

[Rarely-Wrong Liggins]

More.....

This young lady is a FB friend. Don't get mad dear. I still love you!

I went to a homecoming dance with this chick I had been feeling for years. Finally got the nerve to ask her. Get to the dance, kind of dance and shyt and then on my fave song of that time (Crazy by Kci and JoJo) some dude comes over (later I'd find out that was her boyfriend) and she asked if she could dance with her "friend." I said yeah cause I was a fukking bytch and went into a corner and cried. Cried my nikkas. Imagine a true misogynist like me, don of the Misogyny Mafia, don dada emeritus of the He Man Woman Hater Club, crying at a high school dance over a chick. So one of my cousins (what up Pope) found me, brought chick to me, apologies made, tears shed and we shared a dance and my eyes dried to Sisqo's "Incomplete."

Later on that night I got stiffed with $10 bill for drinks after some SWAT nikkas dined and dashed. I aint get no kiss no feel on the ass nothing.

MONUMENTAL L.

Doggy. I was the Joe Buddens of this love shyt.

Another Laura story. I met this chick in 8th grade. She had a nikka hooked from the jump. She smelled weakness and pounced. One time I bought her some candy, like a couple of bags and brought it to school. Some other broads wanted some so I obliged. Later on, she was passing through the hall and peered into my class (we had that open concept shyt) and was like, "I been looking for you, you got my candy?" Before I could say anything, she snatched it and was like, "You opened this?! Why the hell you do that? Nevermind." And she stormed out. The whole class and even the 25 year old white guy teacher we were deathly afraid of for some reason stared at me. There was silence for like a full minute. Then laughter for five. That was the beginning of many years of sonnings by Laura.

Another time, she had me call her boyfriend long distance on my mom's phone (that shyt wasn't free) and I listened in silence as they argued and expressed love for each other for hours as I would beg my mom in whispers not to make noise.

 

[Rarely-Wrong Liggins]

Yet more.....

In 12th grade, this country but moderately attractive chick came down from Lubbock. I was an office aide so I met her first. The next say she had a class with me. I didn't even come at her hard, she just was all on a nikka. I showed her around and she'd wrap her arm around me and shyt. She asked to come to my house a few days after I met her. I declined and said I'd come to hers. I came over that weekend after work in Best Buy uniform and all and we messed around. The kiss was like out of a movie. Just unexpected. Great though. Of course I had to fukk it up; the poison pen of Resident Liggins struck again! She flirted with this other dude in class and instead of not caring I wrote a letter. I was in the Friend Zone two hours after school let out that day. Never recovered.

This chick named Erika, the girl I had gone to the dance and cried over, well, I met her in the 7th grade. 1997 was a very good year. Well, she was only at my school for ONE semester. That was enough for your boy to be smitten though. So, fast forward to like summer of 1999. Rumor has it that she's gaining weight. I needed to check on that. Somehow I find out she's at this summer volleyball camp at Elsik High School. Man, now what excuse would I have to be at Elsik in the middle of the summer? Oh yeah, my cousin (Dre Barlow!) has a basketball camp. Great. So, I go up there with the cuzzo, sneak over to the other gym and see her. By see, I mean peer through a crack in the door. Not see as in talk. She ain't that big to me so fukk what them other nikkas said.

Few weeks later, me and my homeboy Rayford (RIP) are on the phone (yeah, that shyt wasn't homo in those days) and I'm like call Erika. He had the number. So, me being the bytch I was I didn't say anything. She ain't know I was on the phone. They're shooting the shyt and Rayford was joking about female stalkers. Sooooooo, ol girl says, "You know who I think is stalking me?"

..........

She says my name of course. Spotted me at Elsik looking like a lil bytch waiting on that 67 bus.

...........

My nikka Rayford shut her down immediately though. He said I was there because my cousin was there and didn't even mention seeing her. She was silent for a minute and then moved on. The wind had been knocked from her sails. We got off the phone with her a few minutes later and shyt all over her (I was young dear, don't hold it against me) like SWAT nikkas do. But she was basically right though. D'ah well!

 

[Bud Bundy]

jumped out of an airplane to get some puss.

 

[Rarely-Wrong Liggins]

Still more brehs.....

There was this chick I met in 9th grade named Tamesha. She was an ugly duckling so to speak. I never saw anything that wrong with her. She was skinny, braces, and had mild acne. Look, I'm making her sound worse than she was. She was cute. Very. But she was also angry, but because she was smart, she could be arrogant. We didn't get along at times. I think she hated the fact that I was attracted to her. She didn't want nerds attracted to her, she wanted the dude all the hoes were after (she'd get that a scant two years later).

Anyways my brehs, I overhear she NEVER got an Easter basket before and it was something she really wanted. Light bulb goes off in head, cape goes on my back. I save up lunch money, buy a nice basket from the local grocer and hide it at my house. When it's that time, I check it for roaches, take it to school, hide it in the principal's office and present it to her after lunch. Everyone goes awwwwww, meaningless words exchanged and then I'm back to nothing. I'm young and dumb in the game so I get mad. I call her a bytch in convo with this snitch and it gets back to her. She confronts me at my locker, I get bytched at and she's on her way. Her breath was tart that day. But anyway, we make up eventually (I apologize), and we go on with our love/hate relationship. She would gradually look better as time went on (people saw what I had been seeing for like two years) and her attitude improved. I never got any play of course but that was par for the course. It should also be noted this was that same school year I got that broad roses for Valentine's Day.

Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wow wow! It gets worse. Here's a zinger!

When I was in 5th grade, there was this chick that used to bully me because I was poor and awkward looking. I was rocking skinny jeans in '96. Bytches wasn't giving your boy Reasonable Doubt. You'll get it later, if it makes sense at all.

Anyway, this chick used to bully me and she was ugly. After awhile I told on the broad. She cried and said she did it because she was fat and ugly. We got along after that. Fast forward to the party halls in 2000 and this bytch was still fat and ugly but one desperate night in a dark corner of a hole in the wall (Majestic Hall, but not in the "Red Light" corner) I freaked this bytch, fingered her stank puss, felt along her sweaty crack on her flat ass, sucked her titties and kissed her like an utterly pathetic simp. I knew who she was. I knew she used to make me cry to teacher. I was desperate and fat girls were an easy target.

Mommaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

 

[Rarely-Wrong Liggins]

*Sigh*

Yo yo yo, it's Crying Time......

Simpin' Simpin'

Ugh!

So, let's see, oh yes, here's another little story. Not so bad...

There was this chick named Tasha and she was a cheerleader. No one at my school liked her. I mean, this chick was decent in the face, had big ol titties and a fat, FAT, juicy ass. I mean sure, she was known to wear a bad weave but so what. Nikkas used to joke on her and bytches hated her. Soooooo, of course I simped her.

Well, we chatted it up, she knew I liked her but kind of kept me blowing in the wind you know. I'd meet her at her locker and walk her to class carrying her books and shyt. I mean, the routine was so common it'd be on some, "Here take this this and that" type shyt. Well, one day she did or said something I didn't like and I finally got up the courage to stand up for myself. Well, kind of. I wrote a letter (you fukks see a trend here?) and I aired out my feelings like some stank draws. She was maaaaaaaad at me. I met her at her locker and she let me have it. Had a nikka hanging his head in shame. She was miffed at a nikka for a hot lil minute too. Had a nikka carrying her books in complete silence.

Welp, one day I went to Sharpstown Mall (Soufwest!) and I bought a bear, eeeeer! Hold on, scratch that! I went to the GALLERIA and bought a furking Build-A-Bear than went to Sharpstown and bought some other shyt, I think perfume maybe and rode the bus to her house. Well, I had to walk (down ALIEF-CLODINE) like half a mile or so at the end. I gets there, awwwwwww, meaningless words exchanged but I CAN'T EVEN COME IN BECAUSE SHE HAD COMPANY~! So, I trudged back down to the highway in the cold and drizzle, yet and still, a pathetic simp!

Random Ls

-One time I walked Laura home after a football game and it was 12:30 at night. She didn't give ma a hug.

-I only touched Laura's butt once and it was on some ha ha hee hee shyt. Might as well have been gay smh.

-One time I was at Laura's sister's house and she was changing. There was a mirror positioned in such a way that I could see from the couch her getting undressed in the closet. I TURNED MY FUKKING HEAD!!!!!

-I let this ghetto big booty chick wear my heavy DaDa coat for months while I wore a decaying Old Navy fleece. She ended up ruining that jacket.

-I once wrote a letter to this chick about eating her pu$$y, she said it scared her. :-(

-There was this big girl and she was BIG. Like fetish porn big, but she was black at least. Anyway, I used to wait by her locker for her to show up and then like pop up like I was coming at random and hadn't been waiting so I could give her a hug and fondle her. One day one of my teachers (a redneck, 40 something white guy) caught me but he didn't say anything, he just gave me a look a disappointed father gives his son. We never spoke on it, but I know he saw me.

 

[1970s HeRon Flow]

I gave her change for the bus after i beat

 

[Swiggy]

Ended up in the friend zone, and somehow got my homie hooked up with her

 

[KEEPITTRILLA]

@ writing a letter

 

[Rarely-Wrong Liggins]

Extras and shyt......Love Notes to chicks

Quote:

Originally Posted by Simp ass pu$4y ass letter to the 1st Nigerian Girl
"Now, didn't I promise to send you an e-mail? And despite what you said last night, that I didn't have to send it, you should have known I was anyways. I just want to tell you xxxx that you are one of the best things I have going for me right now. Your unwavering support is appreciated more than I can say right now. Everytime I hear your beautiful voice it eases my mind. You are really something special my xxxx. Anything I can do to make you happy, let me know baby and I'll do it for you. You are worth all I can give and so much more. I really care about you. I hope you feel the same. I'll talk to you later baby. Many kisses until then."

Uuuuuuuuuugch! /Clipse What THE FUKK was THAT? Oh, it was me. Well, you know where that simping got me? A couple of message board feuds, some puss, a six day "relationship" and then dumped. Later I found out she caled me skinny and ugly. But as you'll see later, a nikka got a hard head.

This next selection dated 9/27/04 is another e-mail to Princess after the break up. This is so embarrassing, I wasn't even going to post it. But you all need to learn if you haven't by now, THIS SHYT GETS YOU NOWHERE. If you have weak stomachs, I advice you to stop right here.

Originally Posted by ANOTHER letter to the Nigerian Girl
"Hello young lady, how are you this morning/afternoon/evening? Hopefully as fine as you look. Might I ask you a personal question my dear? How long has it been since YOU felt the touch of a man? Hmmmmmmm? A few weeks, months, years, or even decades?

Wouldn't you like to have someone take your hand, lead you away to a quiet corner and thrust you aggresively against the wall? Kiss you feversihly and passionately, make your heart race and adrenaline rush? Then, slow it down for a second and kiss your lips ever so softly, gingerly and tenderly as if your lips are THE most delicate and priceless things in the whole wide world?Aren't you the type who likes to have their neck licked and sucked on? Oh yes yes, I know you are. You like things rough don't you my sweetheart? Your passive appearance shields a much more aggressive sexual appetite. You want to be ravaged! On your own terms of course. You want someone to leave you marked up, though you may deny. You know it feels good when you have someone sucking the life out of your neck, as if they are the spawn of Dracula himself. It makes you moan, it makes you claw at their back, it makes you wet. Believe me baby, I know that.

You want someone to play and paw at your nipples. But you don't want a simp at sucking though. He has to be rough, he has to bite, a little pain can bring ever so much pleasure if done right. If you wake up in the morning and your bosom are sore, then he has done his deed correctly. You are that type of girl.Though you SAY you are scared for whatever reason, you want a tongue not just on your thighs, but in between them as well. Sucking your love nectar out, nibbling the sensitive areas of your clitoris and further inside the walls. You're such a rookie at this my darling, but deep inside, you know you love it. Why must you deny? Passion is not a game, but an artform.

You liked to be sexed rough. You have an appetite for that sort of thing. But are you not a Princess, find someone that can make love to you. Everything doesn't have to quick and easy, sex is to be enjoyed. Besides, think of the man for once, sex is a workout. ****ing is as strenuous as the gym at time, especially in dealing with someone like yourself. Slow it down and let the passion ease slowly into your walls and out. Don't you want someone to tease you? To ease it in, so you can get the full effect? Anticipation is it's own reward.....

Well, I don't know where you can find a ***** like that, me being into women and all. Word around the way is is that you had one, but unceremoniously dumped him. Oh well. I still love you xxxx, lol. Holla at your boy later. And thank me for sending it on time too."

This next girl I won't protect her name. Her name was Tasha, another Nigerian. Never met, never fukked, just talked to this girl on the phone. The following is a letter I typed up after she called me crying talking about her boyfriend came to her house, called her names, threatened her, and then slept there.

Originally Posted by Letter to Tasha
"Tasha, let me ask you a question; why are you letting "that boy" come and see you again? I mean, I thought we had discussed the situation, and you yourself said that you were going to make the appropriate changes because you felt that your life was not in order. Now, despite his gross display of disrespect and contempt towards you, in your own household no less, he is invited back and it is still possible that he is your boyfriend, this makes absolutely no sense.

First, I'd like to say that this has less to do with me coming to see you and more to do with your own emotional well being. I don't even know if I could possibly come as I have yet to ask my mother, however, I did want to put you on notice that there was a good chance I would be able to see you finally, and you saying "your boyfriend" might be in town was the LAST thing I was expecting to hear. That aside, I really am disappointed that you are risking putting yourself in the position to be disrespected again such as you were this past weekend. It really tore you apart emotionally to the point where you questioned various characteristics of your personality. You obviously do not want a repeat of such behavior, so why are you even talking to this boy? He is an uncouth fool, devoid of any redeemable qualities. How are you going to improve your life when you are involved with a boy who sees you as a ***** or hoe, and then also lets his brother disrespect you as well? He has stripped you of any power you might have possessed in the relationship, made you look like a fool, and yet, you give him another chance at the expense of your dignity. I just do not understand.

Second of all, I must say, I do not like the fact that a possible reason for me not seeing you is that he may be in town. I say, "who cares?" For once, things MIGHT just fall into place for my long awaited visit and that scum of the earth is going to impede my seeing you? I was incredulous at the thought of you putting him, after all that has transpired, above me. Sure, he is your boyfriend, I suppose, but after only a month he has taken liberties with you I would never dream of. What kind of boyfriend ****s up so royally after only a months time? Also, let me ask you something; if I disrespected you in the manner that he did, would you even talk to me anymore, let alone allow me to come see you? I would hope not, but I would also hope the consequences for he and I would be the same, given our history.

Anyway Tasha, these are just some thoughts that were in my head. I'm sure you have not liked or agreed with all I have said, but as a friend, sometimes I have to say things you may not like as you shall have to do with me. Tasha, you know what that boy is about, you know how he views you, you know what I'm about, and how I feel about you, don't jeopardize us both for the sake of him. I really do hope you put some consideration into what I'm saying. I'll talk to you later sweetie, hope you have a wonderful day."

Got into a HUGE shouting match over this one. I was at my cousins house and I know he was like, "This nikka stupid as fukk." And I was because two days later......

Originally Posted by Simp Letter 2 to Tasha
"I had a dream about you last night. I was going to school after attending a Michael Jackson dance off (don't ask) and I saw you on the bus with "him." You were all "lovey dovey" and such with boos and "I love yous" casually thrown around here and there. I don't remember how it happened, but all of a sudden, we were off the bus on Ennis and Blodgett (by my school) and we were walking hand and hand and we hugged, as if we were meeting for the first time, then we kissed. Even in the dream it felt just......I can't even describe it in the proper terms, but it felt so wonderful to kiss a set of new lips of a person that cares about you.

I don't know why I had such a dream as lately I feel that perhaps I need to back off from you. It seems like I'm just a bother to you lately as you have school, your relationship, and whatever else in your life to contend with and it just feels like, to me anyway, I don't fit anymore. It seems like I'm just calling you too much now or something and you don't have time for it. If I'm a nuisance, just let me know as I don't want to be dangling as a loose end in someone's life.

Hopefully I'm just imagining this, as I feel we have a connection, a bond, you know? But I don't want to see something that's not there though. We need to talk Tasha, hopefully you have some time for me today. Anyways, love you and take care of yourself. Have a blessed day."

Needless to say I talk to none of these chicks. I simped hard. I bought flowers for some, sent e-birthday cards to others, bought food, shoes. etc. for others. I had no job at this point by the way so I was using a combo of school refunds and my mom's meager earnings (sorry mom!).

Hope you enjoyed!