You Don't Have to Be Introverted, But If you Don't Enjoy Your own thoughts

[MalickSyXShabbaz]

you're going to have a problem with not only self reflection, but social interaction, because you won't have the ability to objectively see what other people see in you.
My trip to school is an hour long commute, and I must say its a blessing because it allows me to peacefully take in everything around me, and the time spent taking in people and taking in the shyt I do has shown me that people show you the most when they're not talking and are trying to absolutely stay still.
It will also train your body not to reveal your thoughts as you'll notice that most people reveal their nervousness by the very subtle but very noticeable body language cues they may or may not be aware of.
My moms used to always say think before you speak, and I'd be like i know what the fukk im doing, but If you constantly strive to be aware of what's going on around you, when you do open your mouth, it will be so concise that the weight will be magnified.
That girl that you want to holler at, you don't have to make yourself talk to her if you don't know what to say or how to approach her at that exact moment. Just take in her mannerisms, take in your mannerisms, take in how you would like to approach her. If after all that thinking, all you can say is "how you doing sweetheart", that's ok...game is not coming at a bytch with this magnificently laid out shakespeare lines right away. She'll respond genuinely because you came at it genuinely, be the response good or bad (most likely it will be good), take her in some more all the while you're talking to her. Actively listen, formulate your thoughts, and respond based on what your intentions are and what your thoughts feel are the best way to carry out those intentions.

None of this is possible if you constantly seek to avoid those so called "anxious thoughts" or you constantly talk just to fill up awkward moments. When awkward moments stop existing, you'll have mastered this shyt, because you'll know thee's no such thing as an awkward moment. Awkward moments only happen when people don't think about what they';re going to say or don't have a good reason to talk, but they still go ahead and talk because they have a subconscious desire to avert their anxiety and self doubt by opening their mouths and hoping others won't know what they're feeling inside, but the words only end up betraying you if that's your modus operandi socially.

 

[Ohene]

the eastern teachings of mindfulness is basically what youre preaching and I agree.

one needs to be introspective and able to not only think...but not judge their thoughts and determine whether or not they are wrong.

People like to say think before you speak but why, if its only going to shed the message of the initial thought itself? Can only lead you downward after that. You began thinking about why you even changed what you wanted to say and what would of happened if you said what was simply on your mind. Not to mention that the first instinct tends to be better or at least leave you at ease knowing that you were true to yourself and the situation.


The worst thing you can do is compromise your words to avoid conflict and then have the thoughts still linger there, only to bring them up days later once the subject has already been settled. This is especially true in relationships and something that women (and men too) do so very often which only causes more buffoonery in itself. That is not to say always be brash and snide...but dont hold back...simply filter.

 

[Coach Gully]

I agree with what you're saying, more for the introverts though who overthink things before even opening their mouths, and when they do its a jumbled mess. At the same time in this society we're told to "go with it" without looking inside and thinking ahead, but too much thinking will make you a mess. Its a balance that takes experience and looking within

 

[KnowledgeIsQueen]

you're going to have a problem with not only self reflection, but social interaction, because you won't have the ability to objectively see what other people see in you.
My trip to school is an hour long commute, and I must say its a blessing because it allows me to peacefully take in everything around me, and the time spent taking in people and taking in the shyt I do has shown me that people show you the most when they're not talking and are trying to absolutely stay still.
It will also train your body not to reveal your thoughts as you'll notice that most people reveal their nervousness by the very subtle but very noticeable body language cues they may or may not be aware of.
My moms used to always say think before you speak, and I'd be like i know what the fukk im doing, but If you constantly strive to be aware of what's going on around you, when you do open your mouth, it will be so concise that the weight will be magnified.
That girl that you want to holler at, you don't have to make yourself talk to her if you don't know what to say or how to approach her at that exact moment. Just take in her mannerisms, take in your mannerisms, take in how you would like to approach her. If after all that thinking, all you can say is "how you doing sweetheart", that's ok...game is not coming at a bytch with this magnificently laid out shakespeare lines right away. She'll respond genuinely because you came at it genuinely, be the response good or bad (most likely it will be good), take her in some more all the while you're talking to her. Actively listen, formulate your thoughts, and respond based on what your intentions are and what your thoughts feel are the best way to carry out those intentions.

None of this is possible if you constantly seek to avoid those so called "anxious thoughts" or you constantly talk just to fill up awkward moments. When awkward moments stop existing, you'll have mastered this shyt, because you'll know thee's no such thing as an awkward moment. Awkward moments only happen when people don't think about what they';re going to say or don't have a good reason to talk, but they still go ahead and talk because they have a subconscious desire to avert their anxiety and self doubt by opening their mouths and hoping others won't know what they're feeling inside, but the words only end up betraying you if that's your modus operandi socially.

I agree with the majority of your sentiments except for the bold.

If you record yourself you'll understand body language isn't as controllable as you think. There are various parts of you everyday behavior your aren't conscious/aware of because it isn't visible (to you).

 

[Roger Sterling]

My moms used to always say think before you speak...

It's unreal how few people obviously don't try to do this.

 

[MalickSyXShabbaz]

I agree with the majority of your sentiments except for the bold.

If you record yourself you'll understand body language isn't as controllable as you think. There are various parts of you everyday behavior your aren't conscious/aware of because it isn't visible (to you).

I agree with you b but some people are better at not being read than others..the best way I can describe my ability is that I can feign total apathy in my body language while still feeling a ways, but you're right thee's probably aspects of myself that I can't take in because I dont see myself

 

[KnowledgeIsQueen]

I agree with you b but some people are better at not being read than others..the best way I can describe my ability is that I can feign total apathy in my body language while still feeling a ways, but you're right thee's probably aspects of myself that I can't take in because I dont see myself

I've always been fascinated with body language. The more I learned, I became cognizant towards nonverbal communication. Yet, I know my level of knowledge/understanding doesn't alter who I am as a person. .

As much as we know at times we're unable to see ourselves objectively, believing we're above what inflicts others.

 

[MalickSyXShabbaz]

I've always been fascinated with body language. The more I learned, I became cognizant towards nonverbal communication. Yet, I know my level of knowledge/understanding doesn't alter who I am as a person. .

As much as we know at times we're unable to see ourselves objectively, believing we're above what inflicts others.

 

[dr. pill biden]

Real talk in this thread.

I'm something of an extroverted introvert. I toe the line (It's a Gemini thing). But when I harnessed that introversion thru meditation and used my reflective moments for constructive things like self development and self awareness rather than aimless daydreaming my life really took off. Certain moments all that superficial bullshytting outgoingness is cool and necessary, but other moments choosing your words wisely and calculatedly makes situations SO MUCH EASIER. Especially relationships (with friends, family, coworkers, everybody). It's a balance.

 

[emac]

It will also train your body not to reveal your thoughts as you'll notice that most people reveal their nervousness by the very subtle but very noticeable body language cues they may or may not be aware of.
If you constantly strive to be aware of what's going on around you, when you do open your mouth, it will be so concise that the weight will be magnified.
That girl that you want to holler at, you don't have to make yourself talk to her if you don't know what to say or how to approach her at that exact moment. Just take in her mannerisms, take in your mannerisms, take in how you would like to approach her. If after all that thinking, all you can say is "how you doing sweetheart", that's ok. She'll respond genuinely because you came at it genuinely, be the response good or bad (most likely it will be good), take her in some more all the while you're talking to her. Actively listen, formulate your thoughts, and respond based on what your intentions are and what your thoughts feel are the best way to carry out those intentions.

Ahhh more pseudopsychology. This is actually pretty good though. Could use some tailoring here and there but much better than some of the shyt that get passed off as knowledge or wisdom. What your actually referring to is genuineness, if you read or research Carl Rogers, Person-centered approach and geniuneness you'll find lots of information like this only more in depth.

And you dont want to train your body to not reveal your thoughts, you want to train your body to reveal your thoughts appropriately. That is a large problem people have. For instance people often reveal sadness, fear (the emotional response not the physiological response), being disheartened as anger. Consider appropriate responses such as if you are angry at home, how do you respond? Now at work? Now in a crowded grocery store? Now in a room full of children? There should be largely different reactions to the same emotion.

If you really want to 'master' anything it would be to accurately self-disclose and appropriate responses. An example is like now, at work or school I can discuss or mention my mother or the passing of her and it seemed like forever but finally now people dont say "Im sorry to hear that " and I used to say don't be sorry because it was years ago. Now I respond or reflect more appropriately and people genuinely feel at ease so as not to respond with im sorry. They see that im 'over' it. The same with ex girl talk. Someone could be like Ay dog what happened with you and that one girl. If you and that one girl broke up a week ago you might be like 'fukk that dusty ol bytch'....but some months later you may respond more appropriately or not let it bother you at all, showing youve matured and just handling it better.

 

[KnowledgeIsQueen]

Ahhh more pseudopsychology. This is actually pretty good though. Could use some tailoring here and there but much better than some of the shyt that get passed off as knowledge or wisdom. What your actually referring to is genuineness, if you read or research Carl Rogers, Person-centered approach and geniuneness you'll find lots of information like this only more in depth.

And you dont want to train your body to not reveal your thoughts, you want to train your body to reveal your thoughts appropriately. That is a large problem people have. For instance people often reveal sadness, fear (the emotional response not the physiological response), being disheartened as anger. Consider appropriate responses such as if you are angry at home, how do you respond? Now at work? Now in a crowded grocery store? Now in a room full of children? There should be largely different reactions to the same emotion.

If you really want to 'master' anything it would be to accurately self-disclose and appropriate responses. An example is like now, at work or school I can discuss or mention my mother or the passing of her and it seemed like forever but finally now people dont say "Im sorry to hear that " and I used to say don't be sorry because it was years ago. Now I respond or reflect more appropriately and people genuinely feel at ease so as not to respond with im sorry. They see that im 'over' it. The same with ex girl talk. Someone could be like Ay dog what happened with you and that one girl. If you and that one girl broke up a week ago you might be like 'fukk that dusty ol bytch'....but some months later you may respond more appropriately or not let it bother you at all, showing youve matured and just handling it better.

Have you ever read Carl Roger's "On Becoming A Person"

http://www.amazon.com/On-Becoming-Person-Therapists-Psychotherapy/dp/039575531X

If so, what are your thoughts?

 

[emac]

Have you ever read Carl Roger's "On Becoming A Person"

Amazon.com: On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy (0046442755313): Carl Rogers, Peter D. Kramer M.D.: Books

If so, what are your thoughts?

i havent but it looks like a good read. have you read it?

 

[KnowledgeIsQueen]

i havent but it looks like a good read. have you read it?

Yeah, I used it for a paper I wrote in my theories of personalities course. From your comment, I figured you'd either read it or would enjoy it.

 

[old soul]

This random dude went on a 30 day detox from drugs, alcohol, masturbation, etc., and arrived at these conclusions:

If I am uncomfortable in the present, the best thing I can do for myself is to acknowledge why I'm uncomfortable and take steps to resolve it.

Problems are always easier to face when you aren't running away.

Virtually all self-destructive and potentially self-destructive behaviors are triggered by anxiety.

Anxiety, when properly channeled is really fukking useful for getting stuff done.

Putting something off until I feel like it is the WORST strategy for getting things done. Procrastinating ruins the present and makes the future more difficult.

Avoiding uncomfortable feelings or thoughts is the most destructive kind of procrastination.

Motivation is never found or given, it is only created.

There is always a motive behind my actions. If I am wasting all day online, it is because I am more motivated to be comfortable than I am to grow.

I have to choose to want to grow and improve more than to be comfortable. It isn't ever going to happen by itself.

Every day I push myself, I am amazed by how powerful and capable I am.

Every day I run on autopilot, I feel weaker. This is because I am letting the world gain power over me.

Not everything goes my way. It never will.

Life isn't perfect. It never will be.

Anything, no matter how innocuous, can be turned into a drug if my motive is to escape my problems.

Fantasizing about what I'd like to happen, or what I wish would happen is exactly as worthless as focusing on the past.

Every day I choose who I am. If I don't make a conscious choice, then I let the world choose for me.
---


I've really been taking them to heart lately, especially the ones on anxiety and on motivation.

 

[MalickSyXShabbaz]

This random dude went on a 30 day detox from drugs, alcohol, masturbation, etc., and arrived at these conclusions:

If I am uncomfortable in the present, the best thing I can do for myself is to acknowledge why I'm uncomfortable and take steps to resolve it.

Problems are always easier to face when you aren't running away.

Virtually all self-destructive and potentially self-destructive behaviors are triggered by anxiety.

Anxiety, when properly channeled is really fukking useful for getting stuff done.

Putting something off until I feel like it is the WORST strategy for getting things done. Procrastinating ruins the present and makes the future more difficult.

Avoiding uncomfortable feelings or thoughts is the most destructive kind of procrastination.

Motivation is never found or given, it is only created.

There is always a motive behind my actions. If I am wasting all day online, it is because I am more motivated to be comfortable than I am to grow.

I have to choose to want to grow and improve more than to be comfortable. It isn't ever going to happen by itself.

Every day I push myself, I am amazed by how powerful and capable I am.

Every day I run on autopilot, I feel weaker. This is because I am letting the world gain power over me.

Not everything goes my way. It never will.

Life isn't perfect. It never will be.

Anything, no matter how innocuous, can be turned into a drug if my motive is to escape my problems.

Fantasizing about what I'd like to happen, or what I wish would happen is exactly as worthless as focusing on the past.

Every day I choose who I am. If I don't make a conscious choice, then I let the world choose for me.
---


I've really been taking them to heart lately, especially the ones on anxiety and on motivation.

im trynna abstain from those same things too including weed.

I used to smoke so much weed that I started getting anxious when I would smoke it. I was like i feel my mind coming back slowly but slowly but surely and Ive found a lot of what you wrote there to be true...


uncomfortable thoughts shouldnt be avoided but uncomfortable actions should IMO