Y'all Up on This? Deadspin's Wrestler Run In Column

[SuikodenII]

Big Poppa Pump is living his gimmic.

...What gimmick?

 

[seanjohn21276]

Zach:

In February 2010 right after a Smackdown taping in Kansas City. My friend and I went to the IHOP closest to the Sprint Center to see if we could catch some of the WWE guys getting dinner after the show. For some reason it's a hotspot in KC for wrestlers. We sat there for an hour or so and we weren't having any luck but just as we were getting ready to leave, in walks CM Punk, Luke Gallows and Natalya from the Hart Dynasty. They immediately went to the opposite side of the restaurant which was closed off due to it being so late, which was a pretty good indication that they did not want to be seen or bothered.

I pointed out to my friend, Blaze and said "that's CM Punk, should we go talk to him?" (I was kind of intimidated by the Luke Gallows guy, he's pretty big in person.) Well my friend Blaze who weighs about 140 pounds just takes off towards them, picks a napkin off one of the tables and slams it right in front of CM Punk and says "Dude, we want your autograph." I was kind of hanging back, I was close enough to see and hear what was going on but I didn't want Punk to think I was with this guy. As my friend says that, Gallows looks at Natalya who is sitting across from him and they both kinda chuckle, Punk then looks at my friend dead in the face, kinda slams some silver wear down and says "And I want a million fukking dollars, now get the fukk out of my face." He and Gallows both stood up and I was for certain that me and my good friend were both going to be put through a table.

Punk ethered that dude's soul

 

[Popi]

It's sometime last year (don't want to say the exact time to protect the promoter), at an indy show in the NJ/NY area. The promoter and owner of the indy company is a friend of mine and allows me to sell figures and DVDs as a vendor for a reasonably small fee.

Raven was wrestling that night. After his match, Raven walks in my direction and is looking around confused. I ask him what's wrong, he asks if he can use my table and tight space (that I've been paying rent on and occupying for the night) so he can sell photo ops and 8x10s of himself during intermission. Anyone who has ever been or still is a vendor at wrestling shows know that intermission is really the only time, other than when people are walking in at the beginning of the show, to make money or sales – if you're lucky.

I obliged but boy did I regret it. After he hogs my space and is literally standing in front of my table taking all the people's attention away from my table, as well having ME taking the photos for him (which I did because I didn't want fans to think I was a dikk then I wouldn't sell nothing), I ask him if he can sign an ECW DVD and a toy figure of his for me that I had on the table after he was done with all 15 or so people that approached him. Raven asks me what my name is so I tell him thinking nothing of it.

The a$$hole SIGNS AND AUTOGRAPHS MY fukkIN NAME WITH THE CAPTIONS: "Not for Resale" ON THE MERCHANDISE SO I CAN'T SELL IT!!! I jokingly explain to him [even though I'm pissed at this point] that I'm a vendor and that, while pointing at the merchandise, tell him obviously I was planning to sell these items along with everything at this table. If that wasn't bad enough, as he leaves, he takes a DVD off my table and goes through the backstage curtain.

When I'm loading up my car with my table and boxes of goods at the end of the night, I talk to the promoter for a few minutes and I tell him this story. He laughs but feels bad for me and tells me I don't have to pay rent for tonight but I refuse because it's not his fault. The promoter tells me that Raven pulled a dikk move earlier in the evening by trying to demand more money and how difficult he is to deal with! Not surprised.

 

[seanjohn21276]

The year was 1999 and WCW Nitro was killing Monday Night Raw, with the nWo and the Four Horsemen leading the way. Some friends were I hitting the bars at Myrtle Beach and all of a sudden everybody in the bar starts "woooooooooo"ing like crazy. The Nature Boy was in the building, and apparently had been in the bars for some time, because he was shytfaced.

After a couple of hours Flair attempts to leave the bar, but is so drunk that his son David and Ric's wife have to drag him out of the bar. I decided we were going to follow him out. Flair's wife and son plop him down on a bench, and his wife (who is really pissed by this point) yells that she's going to get the car and will be back in a minute.

I realize this is my moment to strike, my chance to speak to the 16-time champ. I sit down next to the legend and say "How's it going champ?" Unfortunately Flair was in a wrestling match with a barbecue shish kabob and had sauce all over his face. He was hammered, staggering, and had Heinz 57 all over his grill. As pitiful as he was I still wanted my picture taken with him, and he really had no choice but to comply, where was he going to go?

As his wife pulls up to get him, Flair (who realized a crowd had gathered) staggers to his feet, "woooooooooooo"s, struts, and then does the Nature Boy flop into the backseat of the SUV. Mrs. Nature Boy angrily comes around from the driver's seat and slams the door shut and speeds off.

When they left I wondered how many times his wife had to do this for him.

 

[Silkk]

MORE!!!!

 

[Bob Loblaw]

I spent December of 1999 working several jobs in Gainesville. One of those jobs was on the loading dock at Toys ‘R Us. For an extra fee, customers could pay to have bikes, etc. built by employees instead of doing it themselves at home. An additional benefit was that big items, that were hard to hide, could be kept at the store until near Christmas.

On the night of December 23, I was at the back of the store and a series of customers came by with receipts to pick up their crap. I finally get to this giant dude who is posturing like a roided-up douche. I ask him for a receipt and he takes umbrage to store protocol. He drops a couple of f-bombs and makes a scene. The manager peeks out to assess the situation but he takes one look at the customer and literally runs back to his office.

Because I felt sorry for this piece of shyt's kids, being so close to Christmas, I ask his last name to see if there is an invoice that matches the motorized car he claims to have purchased. He tells me his last name is Rhodes. After checking 50+ stored toys, I tell him there is no invoice with this name. He goes completely bananas. He begins by breathing through his nose like a horse and starts pressing up to me with his chest.

I calmly asked if beating-up a Toys ‘R Us worker was the best way to handle this situation - I was way past giving a fukk with this temp job. That did not go over well. At this point a wife/girlfriend stepped out of the car to intervene. No surprise she looked like someone who would bang a roided-up douche and someone who has: 1) caused lots of fights due to her choice of revealing attire; 2) had to cool-off this guy for flying off the handle on numerous occasions. I told them that I really wanted to help and asked if there was another name the invoice might have on it. Then the girlfriend gives me a different last name, Runnels, and, of course, there is the car right where it should be.

In the time it took for this to go down, there were a bunch of employees who had moved to the back to witness what was going on. After this dumbass left, one of my co-workers says, "I sold that car to him. That dude is a pro wrestler." He then explained that his name was "Goldust" but that he was also "Dusty Rhodes, Jr." or some shyt like that. The whole story thing made very little sense to me. But I realized that I almost got the shyt kicked out of me because some a$$hole was shopping under his fake wrestling name instead of the name that WAS ON HIS CREDIT CARD.

 

[seanjohn21276]

These Virgil stories are hilarious.
My fiancée and I were at the New Jersey State Fair. Virgil had somehow gotten a table right by the entrance, so there was no way you couldn't notice him. I go up to Virgil's table and he says "you must know who I am."

My fiancée doesn't, so I ask her if she remembers the Million Dollar Man. "Yes!" she says. "Is this him?" "No, this is his bodyguard."

Virgil then puts his arm around Cindy and says "I go by Sweet Black now." Awkwardly, I ask how much for a picture. He says it's $15. I tell him I have to go to the ATM, and never come back.

 

[Da_Eggman]

i met the rock a few times since he lived in weston here in south fla around where i worked always cool and nice

but i did meet Shawn at a autograph signing that was before a raw in Fort Lauderdale around 2002 when he was just coming back....there was this part when he was walking up and down shaking hands and when he past me i yelled out "YOU SCREWED BRET" he turned around and said "now you dont get a hand shake and walked away" like i could give a fukk lol

 

[MenacingMonk]

Piper

Steiner

So much greatness.

 

[seanjohn21276]

Back in the heyday of Attitude-era WWF, a local promoter set up a wrestling event at the UAW hall in our town. The event was to feature among others, WWF Superstars Mick Foley, Al Snow and The New Age Outlaws. At the time, it was a pretty big deal for our little slab of Midwestern middle-of-nowhere.

The day of the show, a local record store owner buddy of mine set up a meet-and-greet with Al Snow and The Road Dogg Jesse James. Both guys turned out to be really cool, taking a ton of pictures, signing autographs and putting up with the small town mongoloids that still thought wrestling was real.

After a few hours Al Snow had to leave, but the Road Dogg decided to stick around and ended up staying until the store closed for the day. My record store buddy had a pseudo-mancave in the basement, so when the door was locked, six of us (including the Road Dogg) headed downstairs. The next two hours were spent drinking beers, smoking some home grown and playing Mortal Kombat. Over that time, I didn't keep an exact tally, but I'd be comfortable saying the Road Dogg had close to ten beers and two giant hits on a Half Baked-sized blunt. Mind you, this was all less than two hours before he was scheduled to wrestle in a tag team extravaganza at the UAW hall.

Eventually, the Road Dog had to leave for the UAW hall, but found himself without a ride. I was going that way, so I offered him a lift, which lead to this gem in the car…

Me: "So, being a pro-wrestler must be pretty badass."
RD: "Ehhh…it beats the shyt out of diggin' ditches."

The Road Dogg went on to wrestle that night and didn't miss a beat, which leads me to believe that every Monday night on Raw, that dude was totally fukking bombed.

 

[Popi]

Another Steiner One

I was in Sanibel Island, FL on vacation with my family when I was in 6th or 7th grade, and I was getting sick of the beach. I went up to the pool to grab something to drink and who do I see floating on a raft in the pool with blatant disregard for the rules which clearly state no rafts in the pool? Scott Steiner himself. I drop my drink on the ground, sprint across the pool deck (because if Scott Steiner can say "fukk the rules," I can too...right?), elbow drop into the shallow end (also against the rules as I would soon find out), surface right next to him, flex, and, in my best Steiner voice, say "Big. Poppa. Pump."

He just sits and stares at me. I'm in middle school, so I figure that he must have been impressed with my form. He says verbatim: "What the fukk are you doing? I'm on vacation, go away." He then squirts me with a water bottle.

 

[MenacingMonk]

Another Steiner One

I would of loved to see that go down.

 

[seanjohn21276]

Here's one about X-Pac

May 16, 2011 – A Monday morning flight to Tampa and I had to connect/change planes in Philly. It was very close to departure time in Philly and I had to run to get to my gate. Once there, I walked onto a very full plane and found my assigned middle seat (I am 6' 1") towards the back of the plane. The window seat next to me was empty and I thought I would be able to relax and spread out. Twenty minutes later and it was obvious they were waiting for the last passenger to arrive and presumably sit in the seat next to me. Finally, on comes a guy dressed wearing a black velour suit, sunglasses and a bandana. You can tell he was hammered as he was stumbling all the way back to his seat next to me.

He squeezed in to take the window seat and you could smell the alcohol dripping out of his pores. I had no idea who this guy was, but I was disgusted that I had to spend the next two hours next to him. Of course, the plane failed inspection and we had to stay on until they fixed the issue. As I sat there waiting, the drunk guy next to me was in and out of consciousness and had his blackberry in his hands. He would randomly wake up, refresh his Twitter account and immediately fall back asleep. The third time he did this, I spied his phone to see what his Twitter handle was and saw @therealxpac. This sounded familiar to me so I checked Twitter and realized that he was professional wrestler X-Pac. I snapped a picture of him drooling all over himself and sent it to my friends (unfortunately, I have since deleted it). Luckily, the person in the aisle seat was a skinny female and I essentially sat on her lap trying to get as far away from the sweaty wrestler as I could. There were multiple times where he would cough in his sleep and I thought he was going to puke all over me. He stayed asleep the entire time and didn't spew, but it was still the worst flight I have ever been on.

 

[Gang$tarr]

That guy was a douche... Xpac aint do nothin wrong

 

[Busby]

That guy was a douche... Xpac aint do nothin wrong

U try sitting on plane where a nikka is passed out drunk and burping and shyt..for a 4 hour flight...