Personal gym observations:
The Naked (Old) Warrior: Older men that insist on striking up a conversation while they're butt *** naked. I know it's more of a generational thing as older men grew up taking showers together in school, but put a towel on.
Biff the (wannabe) Hungarian Power Lifter: Never, ever uses cardio equipment. He grunts and groans loudly on every lift and chats with Herculass in between sets. Either wears tattered workout gear or the newest in compression fabrics from Under Armour.
Big, fake ***'s McGee: Usually in her mid-30's, she just purchased a new pair courtesy of the divorce settlement. She is reasonably attractive, but would have probably been better off with her original set. Rarely weighs more than 140 lbs yet has G-cups that don't match. Typically on the stair climber or elliptical watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Florence Gump: Like Forrest Gump, if you ask her what she did today, she'd say "I was runnn-in." Typically a thin, waif-like lady wearing either soccer shorts or yoga-like pants. She comes to the gym, puts the treadmill between 6.0 and 7.0 for speed and proceeds to outrun most of the guys for 30 to 45 minutes. All while barely breaking a sweat. She doesn't know that the gym has weights but may occasionally pop up in a Zumba class.
Group Workout Dude: Typically a middle aged man, with the slightest hint of gray in his hair. He's in decent shape for his age and usually occupies the cardio equipment; either watching sports or checking out ***'s McGee. He's old enough to not be intimidated by Zumba or spinning classes yet young enough to think he has a chance at scoring with the ladies.
Personal Trainer (Girl): Almost always under the age of 30, she's super hot with either dark brunette or bottle blonde hair. Her body is what most women in the gym are striving for, but can't attain due to genetics. You never see her workout or even break a sweat and her clients seem to like her. Just when you think about introducing yourself, her boyfriend Biff appears.
Personal Trainer (Guy): Decent looking guy, but much more "average" physically than the female trainer. Always has his female clients doing cardio and light lifting while pushing his male clients to HITT training that they aren't prepared for. He will give you the death stare if you eyeball his female clients too hard. He doesn't seem quite as invested in his job as PT Girl.
The (young) Married Couple: Both are fit, energetic and excited. If the guy and girl are close in looks or if the guy is "hotter," they typically workout separately. If the girl is "hotter," the guy will hover and randomly check on his wife every five minutes.
The (older) Married Couple: They're over age 30 but younger than 50. The guy walks next to his wife on the treadmill for about two minutes before going on an odyssey of machine lifting. The wife will walk on the treadmill/elliptical for close to an hour. Neither says much while in the gym, except when it's time to leave and grab a bite from Mickey D's.
The Athlete: Looks like a younger Idris Elba. Walks in the gym, does five minutes of cardio. He then proceeds to do three sets on the bench at 405 lbs, three sets on squats at 500+ lbs, incline dumbbells with 100 lb weights, box jumps about as high as your chin and the craziest ab routine known to man. He walks out of the gym with a nice glaze and makes you feel like crap. His workouts are almost always solo affairs and he rarely utters a word to anyone at the gym.
The Mathlete: The opposite of the Athlete in every way. He typically works out with another Mathlete. Both usually start on the bench press and repeat talking points they've read in men's health magazines. Naturally skinny, they follow all of the "rules" yet rarely gain an ounce of muscle.
