Combining finances
Heavy integration into family affairs
Children
Heavy integration into family affairs
Children
What should be saved for marriage?
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dora_da_destroyer
Master Baker
Hard for me to answer...I don’t think I believe in marriage, not the legal status nor the label. I do believe in lifetime partnerships and those can be defined however you like, but overall, I’m not with the whole living with someone until it’s clear you guys are committing for the long term/life. I don’t think folks should be living together until they’re engaged.
I’m also not for fully combined finances before or after marriage (a joint account to cover joint expenses, and the rest in individual accounts)
I’m indifferent to prenups, I like @Rawtid answer, it makes sense to work out the big things while you guys are in a good place
I’m also not for fully combined finances before or after marriage (a joint account to cover joint expenses, and the rest in individual accounts)
I’m indifferent to prenups, I like @Rawtid answer, it makes sense to work out the big things while you guys are in a good place
Most important
I'll be honest and believe that should be sent at a high limit even married. Something huge that people never truly discuss before committing together
Sounds like you have adapted to current times, I salute that.
Don't think these last few generation is built on the same live through hardship with one another like previous generations through their bullshyt. Adaption is good but people aren't willing to see it or attempt to change that structure. Marriage with modern infrastructure is dead unless both parties are extremely traditional.
Pre-nup is for the kids, money is replaceable. What is owned to my future kids, is not.
I always agreed with the highlighted sentiment especially for most modern folks who cannot be upfront with their spouse about their expenses, debt and living situation to income. But it won't work, most couples in this situation the woman is fully controlling the financial situation or if the man is, his not expecting has much from her has he truly would like. If this situation is going to work there needs to be a shared expense, savings, emergency, and retirement account. Disposable income should not be talked about within the partnership because again one party will attempt to spend money that isn't their's and this builds issues or control in a sense.
Marriage is something most folks today shouldn't be engaging in. They are far too selfish and self-centered to understand the amount of compromise / sacrifice it takes to build with someone else when you weren't raised with those old patterns of tradition.
I've always wondered what is the difference between lifelong partners and a marriage. Always seemed a little nonsensical to me (partnership). I see this a lot in Europe with older people. Partners for the past 20-30 years but never married.
Whatever floats people's boats.
Whatever floats people's boats.
dora_da_destroyer
Master Baker
- dont want the legal status/go through legal hoops
- dont want the label - society/people have a lot more rigid definition of/expectations for "marriage" as opposed to how other romantic relationships are carried out
- a lot a hippy/new wave/spiritual/bohemian/hotep/crunchy granola people who are fine with the spiritual connection/commitment they have and don't need to label it anything else
i'd be happy with my guy being a lifelong partner as opposed to a "husband" - would he play any different of a role in my life due to the label? probably not. but would i or others have preconceived notions/expectations of what he's supposed to do/be because of a label? most likely.''
and on my freak shyt, something is a lot sexier about being his girlfriend than being his wife
- dont want the legal status/go through legal hoops
- dont want the label - society/people have a lot more rigid definition of/expectations for "marriage" as opposed to how other romantic relationships are carried out
- a lot a hippy/new wave/spiritual/bohemian/hotep/crunchy granola people who are fine with the spiritual connection/commitment they have and don't need to label it anything else
i'd be happy with my guy being a lifelong partner as opposed to a "husband" - would he play any different of a role in my life due to the label? probably not. but would i or others have preconceived notions/expectations of what he's supposed to do/be because of a label? most likely.''
and on my freak shyt, something is a lot sexier about being his girlfriend than being his wife
I appreciate the answer. The bolded
So what happens if kids come into the mix? How do you categorize the unit? I think the one thing of marriage has and is hard to replicate in other partnerships is the "oneness" of the unit.
Like you said, society places a premium/cuts a lot of slack to a married couple.
If I was going to work and my wife was in an accident I could call off for that day with no hesitation "My wife was in an accident". I don't know if that same leniency applies to partnerships.
Anyway, what do I know. I'm 23; c'est la vie
dora_da_destroyer
Master Baker
I believe domestic partnerships are granted the same courtesies as married folks - like From a company (bereavement, parental leave, etc). It varies company to company how benefits administered. Legal rights, I’m also not sure of, but if someone is your beneficiary they should have access to all your shyt if you died.I appreciate the answer. The bolded
So what happens if kids come into the mix? How do you categorize the unit? I think the one thing of marriage has and is hard to replicate in other partnerships is the "oneness" of the unit.
Like you said, society places a premium/cuts a lot of slack to a married couple.
If I was going to work and my wife was in an accident I could call off for that day with no hesitation "My wife was in an accident". I don't know if that same leniency applies to partnerships.
Anyway, what do I know. I'm 23; c'est la vie
As for kids, y’all are a family
mommy and daddy. It’s up to y’all how you explain your relationship, but as a little kid, I don’t think I ever asked/questioned/cared and an older kid would understand so I don’t see that as a hurdle either.
I believe domestic partnerships are granted the same courtesies as married folks - like From a company (bereavement, parental leave, etc). It varies company to company how benefits administered. Legal rights, I’m also not sure of, but if someone is your beneficiary they should have access to all your shyt if you died.
As for kids, y’all are a family
Curious, how would the expectations of a partnership differ from that of marriage?
Usually the biggest reason I see for people being against marriage is from a legal standpoint (splitting assets in the case of a divorce).
I do, however, find value in marriage as the ultimate signal of lifelong commitment. Like you went before witness and said "Yes" I choose to be with this person till the end (or at least until divorce).
dora_da_destroyer
Master Baker
the way i see it, society has a very narrowly defined concept of what a marriage is/should be. this also comes with narrowly defining the roles of both person. lastly, much of what people base marriage on is very much rooted in Christianity. people tend to judge or insert themselves in your relationship more when you are married because of what they expect from a married couple...none of this jives with me. i'd like the freedom to define our roles, how our relationship will work, and steer clear of any religious beliefs defining my relationship.
Good insight.
So how would you alter your definition that what is the conventional/societal accepted definition of marriage outside of the Christian aspect which I gather you're not.
Is it just the label of marriage? Wouldn't you say people now have their own definition of marriage outside the normal Man and Wife?
Open Marriage
Polygamous Marriage
Gay Marriage etc
I've had family members who've had partners and I always so it as them being together for however long it worked out. When it didn't, that was that. There was no "binding" agreement to it. More so an oral contract.
Hence why I think people place that value on marriage in that their are expectations in that coming together. Much like when you get a mortgage, there are expectations of that mortgage.
At the end of the day you gotta do what works best for you.
dora_da_destroyer
Master Baker
yea, the label is troublesome to me for the reasons i stated, there's an expectations on certain aspects of your relationship and i don't really think that's how things have to be. i'd rather avoid that and simply focus on what me and my man want.
and people have open/polygamous or same-sex marriages yet they are looked at as "other" - you see how they've been labeled instead of just being call a "marriage"
as for the bind between the two/commitment, i think it's the same between the two, marriage only makes things harder to walk away from from a legal aspect (if legally married). if you have mingled finances, benefits, healthcare, assets, ownership, etc. that's an added layer of complexity that's not easy to wash your hands of. otherwise, the love aspect is the same - unmarried couples may fight for their just the same as a married couple. if you have kids, breaking up as life partners is just as hard as breaking up if married. i don't think the bind a couple shares romantically/spiritually is any different or lesser as a life partner vs married couple, the tipping point for marriage simply seems to come from the legal/financial entanglements.
but either way, if i choose to share my life with someone, i'm going to fight hard to keep that relationship healthy and active, married or not.
