What Else You Gonna Watch: WWE Extreme Rules 2013

[Beautiful Bobby Eatin]

Miz as Batman?

 

[Ed MOTHERFUCKING G]

Miz as Batman?

Peep the disclaimer

 

[MightyHealthy]

Tonight's WWE EXTREME Rules Thread sponsored by:

EXTREME Doritos!!!



WWE EXTREME RULES: May 19th, 2013

The Miz vs. Cody Rhodes (Pre-Show)

Rumors are abound this will be a Whiskers Vs. Moustache match, winner will shave!

Even though Miz literally returned last week, and heavily hinted that he would be getting a rematch versus Wade Barrett for the PPV, we get this absolute random ass pairing for the pre-show. Cody deserves better than this, goddamnit!

This match will be during the pre-show, which starts at 7:30PM ET and will air on anything that streams (YouTube, Facebook, Xbox 360, some lakes and rivers out in Ontario)

Prediction: Miz wins with a Figure Two And A Half

Chris Jericho vs. Fandango

Old Dad looks to get his revenge for...who cares, kill this feud please

If you can't get excited for this feud, well, you're just like the rest of the "WWWE Universe" (Papaw's words, not mine).

The most exciting development since Wrestlemania was the return of the OG winking dancer, but now we have Summer "can't do the splits and already betrayed FandanGOAT" Rae :/

Prediction: Jericho will get a win here, setting up another month or so of stupid dancing skits, because USA legitimately advertised a dance-off to attract viewers to Monday Night RAW.

Randy Orton vs. Big Show (Extreme Rules Match)

Randy looks to avenge the embarassment from letting a 7 foot tall guy "surprise him."

Another shyt feud. Orton was retarded enough to not want to tag in The World's Largest Athlete during a match with The fukking SHIELD, even after lobbying for the guy, and gets knocked the fukk out for being "STUPID! STUPID!"

Now hell go over Big Show to get back into the title picture. Or at least, that's what Ed Gizzle wished before bedtime last night.

Prediction: "RKO OUT OF NOWHERE!!!" -insert Gizzle smiley here-

Sheamus vs. Mark Henry (Strap Match)

"...used to whip me with a strap, when I was bad..."

Here's where it gets interesting. One of the most exciting moments of the last few weeks was Sheamus getting the absolute shyt whipped out of him. That was entertainment.

Sheamus not Being A Star, and getting countless cheapshots on The World's Strongest Man...not so much.

Prediction: We all want Mizzark to get the W, because THAT'S WHAT HE DOES, but Sheamus will win and continue to be annoying as hell

WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No vs. The Shield's Reigns and Rollins (Tag Team Tornado Match)

The indies have better looking tag belts than this. The winners will lose.

They're not perfect in-ring, by all means, but The Shield have held their own. With the push they've received as efficient heels (that Cena "overcoming the odds" horseshyt doesn't count), it's only a matter of time before this was going to occur.

The question is: Do they cash-in on their first title shot? Does this finally signal the end of Team Hell No?

Prediction: No, and no...because the writers hate us.

United States Champion Kofi Kingston vs. Dean Ambrose

Kofi found his fire and brought the titles back home to South Africa, USA...but can he stop Dean Ambrose?

Probably the highest match on the card (that appeared out of nowhere in the last week or so), we can only hope for the cool outcome: Reigns and Rollins get the tag belts, and Ambrose euthanizes Kofi's pointless title run, which gives The Shield gold (err...and copper) around every member's waist.

Prediction: They throw us a bone, and Ambrose gets revenge for Cesaro's burial.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger ('I Quit' Match)

Fun fact: Swagger is high as fukk in this picture

After Swagger botched a kick to World Heavyweight Champion Dolph Ziggler, we lost out on what could have been a show stealing Triple Threat Ladder Match.

Our consolation prize is truly not that bad...because after battling wills for the last couple months, whoever says "I Quit" is gonna have to take a couple Shut The fukk Up pills in the morning.

Also, we can only hope that Del Rio gives Swagger an enziguri that causes a Shawn Michaels/Owen Hart moment.

Prediction: In the face of common sense, botching repeatedly, and DUI/marijuana arrests...Jack Swagger gets the W and sets up a climactic WHC battle with Dolph Dawg.

Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar (Steel Cage Match)

Who will win the Most Intense shytting Faces showdown?

This feud has become so stale, even Heyman has become boring...going so far as to water down the word "Extreme." Still, this will probably be the most brutal matchup of the evening. I expect no less than blood, sledgehammers, and Paul E. interfering.

Prediction: Is HHH fukking going over? Not if they want to keep Lesnar looking like a strong book. Still, the Game will win.

WWE Champion John Cena vs. Ryback (Last Man Standing Match)

Ryback uses his heel powers to no longer look like a Ninja Turtle

After suffering an "Achilles injury" (spoiler alert: it's a work!), John Cena recently overcame the odds to beat The Shield by himself on the go-home Monday Night RAW.

After getting owned by Ryback all month, we can only expect him to do what he does best: overcome the odds, even when he continuously stacks them against his favor for no other reason than to bury everyone else.

Prediction: Ryback slips on a banana peel, allowing Cena to yet again overcome. the. odds.

 

[Silkk]

Jim Ross updated his blog on Friday with predictions for Extreme Rules tonight:

* The Miz over Cody Rhodes
* Chris Jericho over Fandango
* Mark Henry over Sheamus
* The Shield over Team Hell No, with Reigns pinning Kane as the deciding fall, to win the WWE Tag Titles
* Dean Ambrose over Kofi Kingston to win the United States Title
* Randy Orton over Sheamus
* Alberto Del Rio over Jack Swagger to become the #1 contender to the World Title
* Ryback over John Cena to become the new WWE Champion
* Brock Lesnar over Triple H with help from Paul Heyman

 

[Rarely-Wrong Liggins]

Merge threads plz.

 

[Ed MOTHERFUCKING G]

Damn...me and silkk's threads straight bushes status huh

 

[MightyHealthy]

Damn...me and silkk's threads straight bushes status huh

You're goddamn right! I worked on this shyt for an hour

(Yours was gonna get merged with Silkk's regardless)

 

[I-Hate-You]

Damn, MH ain't playing no games. That heffa kicked him out and now she done fukked around with him and turned him back to the old him

 

[MightyHealthy]

Damn, MH ain't playing no games. That heffa kicked him out and now she done fukked around with him and turned him back to the old him

Wait, what does this mean?

I started to make a RAW thread, realized it was a PPV night, then finished the thread and saw 2 others like

 

[Silkk]

Aint you supposed to be in the bushes

 

[Silkk]

Merge threads plz.

You forgot to merge mighty's thread :ppvbro:

 

[I-Hate-You]

Wait, what does this mean?

I don't know, Dr. Dre said it

 

[I-Hate-You]

 

[Beautiful Bobby Eatin]

Thats my mod :smurf:

 

[MightyHealthy]

Aint you supposed to be in the bushes

I still don't have internet where I'm living (cabling needs to be reinstalled ), but I got family