Just my two cents… there are many factors working against career black women getting proposed to:
1. Way more black women in college than black men. People can debate the “validity” of those degrees but it’s just a statistical fact.
2. The black eligible bachelors know they’re considered a commodity within those circles, and have no need to settle and keep those women in rotation.
3. A lot of black women in these professional circles are prepared academically to prosper in the corporate world but not prepared socially. I’ve met so many of them who really don’t know how to date, ergo, are not wifey material at all and are completely game goofy.
4. Again, the higher up you go, the fewer black faces there are. It’s almost inevitable black folk will date out if they want to marry their socio-economic equal.
That’s why I don’t judge when I see these career black women swirling. The odds are stacked against them. I got lucky but I never deny how I got my unicorn.
It’s unfair to expect career black women to either date down or keep waiting for this magical black unicorn to drop on their doorstep.
I agree with the sentiment of not being mad about who people date, but the reasons above I think may be rationales but not the real "reasons". I believed them as well up to a few years ago. I have a pretty wide social and business circle as well as looked at some numbers.
1. If a shortage of eligible professional men was the main driver, why are these Asian/Indian/Jewish women swirling 3x harder than Black women when they have eligible men available? Let's be honest that social integration and the relative social/economic status of White people appeals to many women. Not judging but it is what it is.
2. Educated Black women who do marry don't marry White men with educational backgrounds that different from the Black men educated Black women marry. I did a thread on it here:
I have also seen this a lot in my personal life. Rhetoric aside, all the high end career Black women I know that married out, less than 1/3 married someone at their level or higher. I actually know more high end VPs or girls from rich families with White husbands who are not that much higher than a general Black dude with a college degree than those with equal career husbands. So I am dubious that the ultra-degree/income thing is a real deal breaker many claim.
3. Black folks--men and women--are really bad compared to other groups of leveraging social networks, older mentors/family to find partners. I think it is crazy how many people, especially in a big city, rely on dating apps and going out rather than approaching friends or trusted older Black folks to be introduced to suitable partners. Everyone I know from a family with a Chinese or Indian background that wanted a partner in their race straight networked everyone they knew from their ethnicity and found someone, even if that person was originally in another city. It never amazes me how Black folks who are "go getter" and proactive with work and education basically leave dating to chance--and then settle down with whoever gives them attention.
I think what you see is a lot of the fact that NYC has a lot of factors that make it bad for Black marriage including one of the lower Black marriage rates in the country, a lot of "options", relatively liberal relationship wise, and no big concentration of middle class Black folks except for scatterings in Queens and LI that make it hard to meet people.
But life goes on
