The Official Toronto Discussion Thread

[JLova]

You rather have PP running this country
Come on akhi

You really want to vote for the same shyt? I don’t. Want to live in a country with Justin 2.0

I’m not a fan of PP but y'all already forgot the last 9 years?

 

[Phitz]

^^^
For the brehs that are single/dating is this what the scene has come to?

Dating is so hard in Toronto because everyone is messed up. Like really, everyone here is twisted.

And bare with me, because I’m not just venting about one gender or another or describing some deep seated problems I have with dating (I don’t feel I do badly in that regard). Hopefully I can just be real about why it’s so hard to date in Toronto Please forgive my over generalizations too - this post lends itself to that, though there are many exceptions.

So, what do I mean?

Let me talk about women. Most women you’re going to come across while dating have some major baggage or past trauma causing them to close some part of themselves. This could run the gamut from a former bad relationship or worse. But, the common way woman will act is a very defensive posture towards men.

They’ll approach men with these general attitudes:

1. The assumption that if they offer any man sex, that 100% would take it gladly. So, they’re protecting themselves.. maybe? If you date online you’ll see countless profiles say “No hookups” as if they had to signal it out to stop it from happening.
2. The need to front-load interactions with information. You’ll see this online with the need to know lots of details and the “What are you looking for?” types of questions.
3. They are fearful of interactions. High anxiety is often the case or maybe low self esteem. Perhaps just our culture of being closed off. Women seem locked into the contradictions of being a strong women (but yet expecting the man to pay), or wanting to be with a tall man (but not knowing why). Too many are just going through the motions.
4. The core belief that if a man offers monetary rewards they must take them. Not always tied to sex either. If a man they know even as a friend offers money, they have to take it. It’s a one-sided way of keeping themselves from accepting responsibility.

Now the men. They’re messed up too. You’ve probably heard of “Incels” who as a group seem to feel entitled to sex (that’s really screwed up), but men have other things that make them messed up here in too:

1. There may also be past baggage like women and that works in similar ways.
2. Men jerk off far too much to porn. The frequency of it is probably not the worst part. The problem is men often stop being able to separate a real experience from a “porn-like” experience. Men in Toronto then try to hem to specific type of women and act in specific ways (like never looking at a women’s face during sex).
3. Many men here just don’t believe it’s possible to have a platonic relationship with the sex they’re attracted to. This toxic attitude poisons relationships before they can even get far enough to be more.
4. Self esteem issues because - I think - men just get no validation from other men or others. They’re taught early to be stoic and emotionless. This has the effect of closing them off from meaningful open relationships. This one goes far and deep for men, however.
5. Men want sex. This in itself is not messed up. But men tend to hedge their bets on woman they think will give them sex without thinking things through more.

And then some things both sexes share:

1. Guarded feelings, lack of confidence, inhibited. This feeling that we Torontonians are collectively prudes about our emotions, our bodies, and most definitely about our sexualities.
2. Paranoia: It kid of speaks for itself, but in some ways I think our media saturation over every single bad story has so many of us thinking “This guy could be a serial killer” It’s nuts, yes, but when you go out on a date with even a small amount of paranoia, it paints the entire experience differently.
3. Proximity bullshyt: When dating another, there’s this expectation that the other person be close. Like closer than 14 km from them. People in Toronto fail to think a functional relationship can work outside of that area (hint, it can).
4. Looking for the first mistake and running: If you want to be good at dating in Toronto, it might be a good idea to be perfect. Or, no, be perfectly what your mate wants. Dating here, you’ll find that people will run quickly once they catch you’re first mistake (I know, I’ve done it too).

I think dating in Toronto is just so terribly difficult because everyone is messed up and closed off. I often connect with someone else here and after just a few minutes of small talk, I’m ready to walk away - they have that vibe about them.

 

[Phitz]

Thats the effing truth. Ive lived in Toronto for 5 years and im ready to move out. I wasted time working at jobs here and not even making friends. Relationships just go badly, I find that men here just can't stick with one woman. And I am just so tired of being in a city where everyone is just extremely materialistic and self-absorbed. And let me say that I have talked to you many torontonians and some of them will even tell you how unfriendly this place is and they even grew up here.

Toronto is not a friendly city Really it is the united nations Everybody comes from everywhere There is no culture It's just all about money and women are essentially no different then men attitude wise if there weren't lots of pricey social services paying people off it would be a far more dangerous city

I’ll add that nuance is killer in Toronto.

Here’s some nuance:

• Toronto is really a few cities in one. People grow up in bubbles, that become more geographically sparse (university/college) with time. If you don’t spend enough time in one of the bubbles or don’t make connections within your bubble, you’ll be socially isolated
• Diversity can actually make dating harder ironically. For example, Black women and Asian men often face discrimination from some communities when it comes to dating. A Black woman who finds she typically is only shown interest from Black men, would benefit from a more homogenous environment. Also, if you belong to a group that isn’t “preferred”, you will find yourself stuck learning the nuances of every ethnic group you deal with, on top of starting from a lower place on the totem pole.
  • Toronto also isn’t as diverse as one would think. There are tons of ethnic groups, but economic representation from each group is not so great. Financially successful people from smaller ethnic groups, don’t have a large community of people who look like them and are at the same socioeconomic level. In Los Angeles I can move from poverty stricken Compton to Ladera Heights and be around wealthy Black people. In Toronto when I moved from Rexdale, there was no such neighbourhood and I was an anomaly in my nicer neighboured I now resided in.
  • The gaps in economic representation also create messed up perceptions of certain groups. This is a barrier to dating across some groups.
  • Culture makes it hard. It’s easy to some people to casually hookup with someone of a different culture, but the idea of dating someone longer-term is a hard sell. If there’s a chance that parental disproval will effect the relationship, people here tend to avoid that potential outcome. This means having a meaningful relationship beyond a hook-up is less likely outside of your cultural circle.
  • There are a few cultural groups in Toronto who make up a large representation of the total population. They have slightly-much more conservative ideals around dating and sex than the prevailing western culture. This means that people either have to rebel to fit in with the norms or do what’s expected of them socially. This makes much of the city relatively undateable.
• The not-so-hidden issue with Toronto’s dating scene is the effects of upward mobility. Many people are three or more generations removed from their migrant relatives. Housing prices and growth of the employment market have made Toronto a city of upper-middle class and rich people. Many people own homes worth $800′000–1.2Million.
  • If you don’t grow up in an upper-middle class area or better, you’ll be left out of many social experiences. There also is a pressure to have slightly nicer things to keep up with everyone else. A nicer phone, car, clothes, traveling to exotic places, the best seats at events (Raptors games, concerts). If you aren’t as financially secure or liberated, you be will left out and behind. Even if you do better than most financially, if you are the first generation in your family to do so, you’ll be playing catch up. It’s hard for a someone who’s struggling to pay off their Honda Civic to access a dating pool of people who were bought luxury cars for their 18th birthday.

 

[Phitz]

• Too much choice for women is a bad thing. From working in technology I’ve learned too much choice creates two scenarios. “Analysis paralysis”, where people spend too much time coming to a decision or hyper-selectiveness. You either take too long to make a choice or are selective based on too many factors. This is why you can find a lot of young women lost in deciding what they actually want in terms of dating.

 

[Phitz]

I’m dating someone in Toronto.

Here is the Challenges I am facing. Mind you, I am not from Toronto so my answer does not apply to people living in Toronto, who is dating someone in the same city:

1. You’re Dating A Person But Also An Ecosystem:
2. You Are Competing Against More Women or Vice Versa:
3. Dating Can Expensive but You Feel The Social Pressure To Keep Up:
4. Toronto’s 4 Horsemen of The Dating Apocalypse: 1. Work 2. Commute 3. Toxic Hookup Culture 4. Jealous/Nosy/Abnoxious Friends From Both Genders

Your relationship will suffer at the Helm Of these factors no matter how much your try.

also, what you see as the more educated, well-kept better version of your fb/gf/spouse is in fact a mirage in your head based on your own inadequacies and inability to work past your differences or grievances. It’s is easier to get distracted in a big city with millions of faces instead of getting more intimate and closer to one person. Even though the first choice inevitably leads to crushing loneliness and a life of quiet despair, misery and an uneventful lonely death all by yourself probably in the seat at the retirement home or possibly croaking at work.

 

[Phitz]

first off, in toronto. your race matters. I lived in Toronto, I’m a Hindu Punjabi……and I will tell you right now canada DOES NOT like Hindu Punjabis one bit. canadian government tried murdering me 14x, they blamed me, gave me a criminal record, and their hospitals and doctors did malpractice on me as well.

canada openly supports khalistan and pakistan, they wanted me dead. I AM A PROUD HINDU PUNJABI

I have 3 World Records also, but your race will play a role in whether you get a date or not in canada, they like taliban arab types whites and africans and carribeans and Asians….I had bad luck I got singled out because the country was racist to my Tribe, I represent less than 0.14 percent of the earth’s population. A rare breed indeed…I get a lot of love from American girls and South American women also!

 

[Phitz]

Dating in Toronto is harder than just about anywhere else. Most men don’t approach women, because they are rude to them and criticized if they don’t do it perfectly. Nice guys get scared off by this… and only the hard core extroverted sales types and fukbois actually approach a women they don’t know… causing more women to be offended by it, react rudely and scaring off the nice guys… thus continuing the cycle. And typically fukbois go for women under 27 in a club setting. As a result most people turn to online apps like Tinder…. where they are overwhelmed with ego-boosting options and little consequences for having bad social skills or respect for each other. It becomes a numbers game. If you have hot photos and are looking for a hookup, you will have no issues in Toronto. If you are looking for a meaningful connection- or would like to wait till the third date to go home with someone, it can be really tough. For women above the age of 30, the competition for the few guys who have their shyt together becomes fierce… result being that guys stop making any efforts at all, and many women settle for mediocre treatment from their men. The women do most of the relationship work. Other women give up entirely, and look for FWB arrangements. It is what it is. If you don’t need a man who is over 6 feet with a glamourous job, and/or if you are open to dating men of many different backgrounds and cultures, you will have more options.