eqing, at it's core, is pretty simple. seems like you're way over-thinking it.
some basic stuff you can do is solo shyt and listen (and i guess watch) to what frequencies those instruments are hitting, get a general feel for where things lay in the frequency range, learn that. listen to what happens to a sound when you're boosting or cutting. play around with the q, see what happens when you do wide boosts, narrow cuts, vice versa etc. play the whole beat and start making eq moves to a certain instrument and listen to it in the context of the mix. think about the relationship between elements and the frequences they take up. ie - the kick and the bass. you don't want both your kick and your bass booming at like 80hz, so how can you use eq to help with that...figure it out.
basically, stop watching eleventy-hundred youtube vids about it or whatever you're doing and just play around with it yourself. you'll figure it out.