You can use software to backup all the music on your phone, then just put that music on the new laptop and basically "start over". It is a hassle but once you learn how to use itunes it'll save you some headaches. I lost an entire library or two before I figured out what was really going on.
What I've learned:
1) Back up your iPhone music. I use MobileGo for iOS by wondershare. You can get it for free or pay for it.
2) You CAN backup your playlists. Just right click them in iTunes and and choose "export". It will save a txt file which you can import later by going to File->Library->Import playlist. Then just sync them to your phone.
2) Transfer the new folder with all your music to the new machine. Transfer playlist txt files as well.
3) Add music to iTunes library then sync to iPhone. (not trying to be condescending but I didn't know that, i used to drag and drop straight to iphone
)
4) Whenever I put new music on my phone, I first put it in the folder with all my music (this is your only TRUE backup), then add to the Library, then sync. Once a month I backup my music using MobileGo and replace the folder simply because I like the format it puts the music files in and it's uniform.
5) There's an option in preferences to have iTunes place your music in a nice organized folder. Once you start over on your new laptop you might want to use that. Anything that gets synced to your iPhone will go into that folder, organized by artist and album so you have another backup but IDK how stable it is. Like if you accidentally delete your phone's library will that folder be emptied simultaneously? I don't know. That's why I keep my own backup.
The main thing is having all your music for your phone in one location on your computer. I can delete all my music right now and re-add it rather effortlessly. Not all software is good for backing up music, that's why I recommend MobileGo. For example, I tried ifunbox but that's terrible for exporting music.
Yeah I've had many issues with iTunes but I'm finally learning how to tame that beast.
no upgrade 4 another year 
I had the 3 & dropped it a lot & nothing happened to the phone... It cost 167 to fix it 
... I'm good.