"His technique is so odd. Like if Arsenal were to do the crossbar challenge Gervinho would be the fella who’d shank his shot off to the left where it would dribble out of the centre-circle, coming to rest a good 13 or 14 feet away. And there’d be no pointing and laughing, just players looking at their feet because they didn’t know where else to look. He is Popeye without Spinach, Clark Kent before he hits the phone booth, Peter Parker in his day clothes, Scooby Doo without those snacks that are obviously amphetamine based.
We need this goal to be such a snack – obviously without the narcotics, we don’t need any Lance Gervinhostrong action going on – but hopefully it’ll do him some good because we’re going to need him throughout this season and if he’s all hopped up on metaphorical and confidence-boosting goofballs then all the better. I just wonder if he loses too much heat through the top of his head to be a truly effective player, perhaps he should wear a trilby or some kind of beanie in future, but I’d have to look up the Premier League rules on hat sporting. I imagine they don’t take kindly to it. Spoilsports."
