At the ripe old age of 24, i just had my first wet shave.
Now i couldn't rightly tell you why i've never had one until now, it's just one of those things, no real reason for it. It's just sort of never happened, y'know?
But suddenly, as i lie on my bed, the underside of my chin itching my bare chest as i watched highlights of some no mark italian team beat Barcelona, i had moment of sheer clarity. Inspired as i was by this i rose to my feet, jumped in the car and started driving. I didn't know here i was going, i just knew where i was going to end up.
*scene missing*
I emerged stood in front of various razors and shaving products, gel, foam, or whatever, you know that sort of thing. To say i felt less than half a man would be understating it. I was like a virgin in a whore house, didn't have a clue what i was doing, could make head nor tails. So i grabbed the first razor and shaving gel i saw and headed for the self service resembling something like a smack head who'd just scored and was making the short journey back to the abandoned house he called a toilet/home. I drew strange looks from the sunlight deprived night workers as they stacked their shelves. I thought to be angry at them but i realised i was going home tonight, those poor souls, i couldn't be mad at them.
*scene missing*
So there i am, in front of the mirror, lathering myself up looking something like this :smug:. I begin. The sharp cutting sound of the razor against my virgin stubble got me hard immediately. Some angles proved difficult but i'm an amateur in this game, nothing but raw potential at the moment, i've got time, it'll come. I particularly enjoyed the moustache area, as however much the electric shaver thingy endeavoured, it could just never get close enough, it could never realise it's dream of leaving me naked above the lip. I wash away the excess gel/foam and take a look at my handy work.
I don't like it very much, my skin is strange to the touch. I'll probably never do it again.
That's all i have to say really.
Oh and those deleted scenes were me sitting for half a hour in the car park either side of going in tesco arguing with a girl on the phone. So yeah that was fun, the c*nt.