#blamefergie
Essential The Official Football (Soccer) Thread - It's Amad World
Roaden Polynice
Superstar
I'd honestly love to see a Man U movie about David Moyes's tenure but have it be House of Cards style with Giggs as the Frank Underwood character who was overlooked as player-manager and inexplicably speaks in a southern accent. Oh and gratuitous homosexual scenes, breaking the 4th wall and super injunctions.
Summer, 2013. David Moyes has been handed over the Manchester United reins in the biggest job in world football. We cut to a lavish pad where Ryan GIGGS reclines in a waterbed watching Sky Sports unveiling of MOYES:
GIGGS: *sits forward, pushes concubine off* for fukks sake. Get the fukk out. I got business to do.
Several weeks pass as the transfer window begins to heat up. GIGGS emerges from the shadows and darkens MOYES's office threshold. MOYES is fumbling with a coffee maker trying to plug a USB into the back of the machine.
GIGGS: Hey boss.
MOYES: *startled* fukks sake GIGGS you scared me. You know anything about espresso machines?
GIGGS: no boss. I came to talk about our transfer targets.
MOYES: what about? *puts down USB. Pulls a Zip disk from his desk drawer and attempts to feed it to espresso machine*
GIGGS: how do you have a zip dis-? Anyway, who were you looking at?
MOYES: I'm thinking perhaps a bid for Ronaldo. Start off the tenure with a bang. But that's not that realistic, no. I'm making good headway with Barcelona for a Fabregas bid and with Bilbao for a Herrera bid.
GIGGS: those targets would help considerably. Also I wouldn't rule out targets from your old club. Fellaini could do a job in the side as well boss.
MOYES: Fellaini?
I'll keep that in mind. 
GIGGS: *turns around, under breath* for your sake I hope you do. fukker
MOYES: what was that giggsy?
GIGGS: try the zune boss. That should turn it on
MOYES: good lad. *points zune at espresso machine*
Cut to GIGGS in an empty office in old trafford speaking in fevered Spanish on a landline.
GIGGS:David Moyes, es un hijo de perra resbaladiza. no, no No me importa hacer lo que tiene que hacer él está jugando con mi futuro!!
Weeks pass. The transfer deadline is looming as an exasperated MOYES and WOODWARD is seen in a montage slamming down phones, furrowing his brow, ripping the fax machine from the wall and writing "void" on checks. It's 9pm on transfer deadline day.
MOYES: *slumped over in chair at desk, GIGGS comes into office* Giggsy. Bilbao just said no, what now?
GIGGS: well boss I got Everton on the line. They are willing to part with Fellaini.
MOYES:
GIGGS: I talked them down as well. They were asking for a princely sum but it's a bit of a bargain now.
MOYES: *rubbing temples: how much?
GIGGS: 27.5 boss.
MOYES: 27.5!? 27 point bloody fukking five!?!? I bought the Belgian fukker for 2 and a case of track jackets for fukks sake!!
GIGGS: relax boss. This will add some much needed steel to the midfield. It's a bit pricey yeah but these are our realistic options. And he just scored against Stevenage so he'll chip in with goals as well.
MOYES: *glances at WOODWARD*
WOODWARD: :avbehh:
MOYES: do it. Just fukking do it.
First day of training with the new signing. Fellaini struggles to pass, trap the ball, shoot, run, or breathe as the Man U med staff are forced to keep tanks of oxygen on the sidelines and instruct the Belgian how to breathe through his mouth. MOYES looks over at GIGGS with a blank expression.
GIGGS: *breaking 4th wall* my I love the smell of Scottish bacon early in the morning.
*BBC Grandstand theme tune begins*
CREDITS
Montage of future shows:
MOYES gives ROONEY a 300k a week contract on the advice of GIGGS. GIGGS suggests calling up a 16 year old Albanian from the youth team who is an unexpected hit which sees GIGGS changing his plan drastically. GIGGS attempts to write himself into every starting 11 despite him being 47 years old. GIGGS receives flying lessons and erects a banner to fly over old trafford. GIGGS routinely mocks KAGAWA with a faux Japanese accent resulting in a drop of morale which forces MOYES to play CLEV on the wings and sign SPAINARD.
Summer, 2013. David Moyes has been handed over the Manchester United reins in the biggest job in world football. We cut to a lavish pad where Ryan GIGGS reclines in a waterbed watching Sky Sports unveiling of MOYES:
GIGGS: *sits forward, pushes concubine off* for fukks sake. Get the fukk out. I got business to do.
Several weeks pass as the transfer window begins to heat up. GIGGS emerges from the shadows and darkens MOYES's office threshold. MOYES is fumbling with a coffee maker trying to plug a USB into the back of the machine.
GIGGS: Hey boss.
MOYES: *startled* fukks sake GIGGS you scared me. You know anything about espresso machines?
GIGGS: no boss. I came to talk about our transfer targets.
MOYES: what about? *puts down USB. Pulls a Zip disk from his desk drawer and attempts to feed it to espresso machine*
GIGGS: how do you have a zip dis-? Anyway, who were you looking at?
MOYES: I'm thinking perhaps a bid for Ronaldo. Start off the tenure with a bang. But that's not that realistic, no. I'm making good headway with Barcelona for a Fabregas bid and with Bilbao for a Herrera bid.
GIGGS: those targets would help considerably. Also I wouldn't rule out targets from your old club. Fellaini could do a job in the side as well boss.
MOYES: Fellaini?
I'll keep that in mind. GIGGS: *turns around, under breath* for your sake I hope you do. fukker
MOYES: what was that giggsy?
GIGGS: try the zune boss. That should turn it on
MOYES: good lad. *points zune at espresso machine*
Cut to GIGGS in an empty office in old trafford speaking in fevered Spanish on a landline.
GIGGS:David Moyes, es un hijo de perra resbaladiza. no, no No me importa hacer lo que tiene que hacer él está jugando con mi futuro!!
Weeks pass. The transfer deadline is looming as an exasperated MOYES and WOODWARD is seen in a montage slamming down phones, furrowing his brow, ripping the fax machine from the wall and writing "void" on checks. It's 9pm on transfer deadline day.
MOYES: *slumped over in chair at desk, GIGGS comes into office* Giggsy. Bilbao just said no, what now?
GIGGS: well boss I got Everton on the line. They are willing to part with Fellaini.
MOYES:
GIGGS: I talked them down as well. They were asking for a princely sum but it's a bit of a bargain now.
MOYES: *rubbing temples: how much?
GIGGS: 27.5 boss.
MOYES: 27.5!? 27 point bloody fukking five!?!? I bought the Belgian fukker for 2 and a case of track jackets for fukks sake!!
GIGGS: relax boss. This will add some much needed steel to the midfield. It's a bit pricey yeah but these are our realistic options. And he just scored against Stevenage so he'll chip in with goals as well.
MOYES: *glances at WOODWARD*
WOODWARD: :avbehh:
MOYES: do it. Just fukking do it.
First day of training with the new signing. Fellaini struggles to pass, trap the ball, shoot, run, or breathe as the Man U med staff are forced to keep tanks of oxygen on the sidelines and instruct the Belgian how to breathe through his mouth. MOYES looks over at GIGGS with a blank expression.
GIGGS: *breaking 4th wall* my I love the smell of Scottish bacon early in the morning.
*BBC Grandstand theme tune begins*
CREDITS
Montage of future shows:
MOYES gives ROONEY a 300k a week contract on the advice of GIGGS. GIGGS suggests calling up a 16 year old Albanian from the youth team who is an unexpected hit which sees GIGGS changing his plan drastically. GIGGS attempts to write himself into every starting 11 despite him being 47 years old. GIGGS receives flying lessons and erects a banner to fly over old trafford. GIGGS routinely mocks KAGAWA with a faux Japanese accent resulting in a drop of morale which forces MOYES to play CLEV on the wings and sign SPAINARD.
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Brehs. Brehs. Brehs. Brehs. I'm slightly drunk, still high off life of what I just saw. (I don't smoke).
Goddamn. I think I witnessed the greatest concert I've ever seen in my life.
I used to sit around and watch Stop Making Sense in college because I wanted something like that for our generation. Something that grabbed you from the scruff. Something imaginative, something visceral. Something 'cool' (and I hate saying that fukking word cool. if anything I've learned since growing older it's that attempting to be cool is a waste of time. I'm trying to be comfy. Comfy in my surroundings. In my self). I wanted a David Byrne so bad. I had David Byrne but old David Byrne. David Byrne captured in my little dvd player. When he came out, big stage, the tape he wanted to play that could not possibly fill the auditorium but fukk it, go along with it. That's what I wanted. I wanted Bernie Worrell on the keys. I wanted "Life During Wartime" forever and ever
I wanted the big suit. I wanted something indelibly burned to my retinas forever. I wanted something like this:
I wanted the greatest concert of all time. The greatest concert film of all time. For us. But now.
I got it tonight. I think. I've seen a few great concerts. Great in their musicianship, great in that they were tight as performers. I about died when I saw Vampire Weekend. But that was because of my love for Ezra and Rostam rather than their music at the time. MVOTC wasn't out at the time. Holy Ghost!, LCD, nahhh.
But now.
The Knife.
The Knife.
That was the greatest concert I've been to. And the joke is on us, the majority of the concert they don't even play instruments. It's like a bizarre glimpse into the future, they all wear shiny suits, tightly choreographed dance sequences, the lights! The lights! Oh. I can't even give it justice. But I felt so stupid when I was there. A bit stupid grin slapped across my face. That's the barometer for if I know I am genuinely enjoying something. If I'm drinking in something that renders me speechless, the only thing to show for it is a stupid smile that I have that reminds me that sometimes life is worth living. Sometimes that, even though our world is a wind tunnel blowing towards us the most wretched flotsam to ever grace our presence, it's going to be ok. There are things worthwhile. I watched Manhattan this past week. The scene that most stuck with me was when Woody Allen's character Ike was taking stock of the things that made life worth living. The crabs at Sam Wo's, Tracy's face...The Knife. That was more than I could have ever asked for and then some.
All that said, if they're in your town I implore you.
And since this is OFT and we can get sentimental, and humanist once in a while, I leave you with this:
All that for The Knife (same group who did Heartbeats ?). I can't even fathom what would happen to you if you'd witness a Pink Floyd concert.
I'd honestly love to see a Man U movie about David Moyes's tenure but have it be House of Cards style with Giggs as the Frank Underwood character who was overlooked as player-manager and inexplicably speaks in a southern accent. Oh and gratuitous homosexual scenes, breaking the 4th wall and super injunctions.
Summer, 2013. David Moyes has been handed over the Manchester United reins in the biggest job in world football. We cut to a lavish pad where Ryan GIGGS reclines in a waterbed watching Sky Sports unveiling of MOYES:
GIGGS: *sits forward, pushes concubine off* for fukks sake. Get the fukk out. I got business to do.
Several weeks pass as the transfer window begins to heat up. GIGGS emerges from the shadows and darkens MOYES's office threshold. MOYES is fumbling with a coffee maker trying to plug a USB into the back of the machine.
GIGGS: Hey boss.
MOYES: *startled* fukks sake GIGGS you scared me. You know anything about espresso machines?
GIGGS: no boss. I came to talk about our transfer targets.
MOYES: what about? *puts down USB. Pulls a Zip disk from his desk drawer and attempts to feed it to espresso machine*
GIGGS: how do you have a zip dis-? Anyway, who were you looking at?
MOYES: I'm thinking perhaps a bid for Ronaldo. Start off the tenure with a bang. But that's not that realistic, no. I'm making good headway with Barcelona for a Fabregas bid and with Bilbao for a Herrera bid.
GIGGS: those targets would help considerably. Also I wouldn't rule out targets from your old club. Fellaini could do a job in the side as well boss.
MOYES: Fellaini?
GIGGS: *turns around, under breath* for your sake I hope you do. fukker
MOYES: what was that giggsy?
GIGGS: try the zune boss. That should turn it on
MOYES: good lad. *points zune at espresso machine*
Cut to GIGGS in an empty office in old trafford speaking in fevered Spanish on a landline.
GIGGS:David Moyes, es un hijo de perra resbaladiza. no, no No me importa hacer lo que tiene que hacer él está jugando con mi futuro!!
Weeks pass. The transfer deadline is looming as an exasperated MOYES and WOODWARD is seen in a montage slamming down phones, furrowing his brow, ripping the fax machine from the wall and writing "void" on checks. It's 9pm on transfer deadline day.
MOYES: *slumped over in chair at desk, GIGGS comes into office* Giggsy. Bilbao just said no, what now?
GIGGS: well boss I got Everton on the line. They are willing to part with Fellaini.
MOYES:
GIGGS: I talked them down as well. They were asking for a princely sum but it's a bit of a bargain now.
MOYES: *rubbing temples: how much?
GIGGS: 27.5 boss.
MOYES: 27.5!? 27 point bloody fukking five!?!? I bought the Belgian fukker for 2 and a case of track jackets for fukks sake!!
GIGGS: relax boss. This will add some much needed steel to the midfield. It's a bit pricey yeah but these are our realistic options. And he just scored against Stevenage so he'll chip in with goals as well.
MOYES: *glances at WOODWARD*
WOODWARD: :avbehh:
MOYES: do it. Just fukking do it.
First day of training with the new signing. Fellaini struggles to pass, trap the ball, shoot, run, or breathe as the Man U med staff are forced to keep tanks of oxygen on the sidelines and instruct the Belgian how to breathe through his mouth. MOYES looks over at GIGGS with a blank expression.
GIGGS: *breaking 4th wall* my I love the smell of Scottish bacon early in the morning.
*BBC Grandstand theme tune begins*
CREDITS
Montage of future shows:
MOYES gives ROONEY a 300k a week contract on the advice of GIGGS. GIGGS suggests calling up a 16 year old Albanian from the youth team who is an unexpected hit which sees GIGGS changing his plan drastically. GIGGS attempts to write himself into every starting 11 despite him being 47 years old. GIGGS receives flying lessons and erects a banner to fly over old trafford. GIGGS routinely mocks KAGAWA with a faux Japanese accent resulting in a drop of morale which forces MOYES to play CLEV on the wings and sign SPANIARD.
repped
Roaden Polynice
Superstar
What can I say. It really was the best concert I've been to. Better than Kanye as well (though I didn't see him on the Yeezus tour).
TommyHilltrigga
Here comes THE BOOM!
Some Key things have to happen,bcuz i feel next season is going to be hype...
1. Who takes over as Manager?
2. Who does Man U buy with that $200 Mill?
1. Who takes over as Manager?
2. Who does Man U buy with that $200 Mill?
EQ.
Mansur Brown - "Heiwa"
Mané Swagincha
6 times
I'd honestly love to see a Man U movie about David Moyes's tenure but have it be House of Cards style with Giggs as the Frank Underwood character who was overlooked as player-manager and inexplicably speaks in a southern accent. Oh and gratuitous homosexual scenes, breaking the 4th wall and super injunctions.
Summer, 2013. David Moyes has been handed over the Manchester United reins in the biggest job in world football. We cut to a lavish pad where Ryan GIGGS reclines in a waterbed watching Sky Sports unveiling of MOYES:
GIGGS: *sits forward, pushes concubine off* for fukks sake. Get the fukk out. I got business to do.
Several weeks pass as the transfer window begins to heat up. GIGGS emerges from the shadows and darkens MOYES's office threshold. MOYES is fumbling with a coffee maker trying to plug a USB into the back of the machine.
GIGGS: Hey boss.
MOYES: *startled* fukks sake GIGGS you scared me. You know anything about espresso machines?
GIGGS: no boss. I came to talk about our transfer targets.
MOYES: what about? *puts down USB. Pulls a Zip disk from his desk drawer and attempts to feed it to espresso machine*
GIGGS: how do you have a zip dis-? Anyway, who were you looking at?
MOYES: I'm thinking perhaps a bid for Ronaldo. Start off the tenure with a bang. But that's not that realistic, no. I'm making good headway with Barcelona for a Fabregas bid and with Bilbao for a Herrera bid.
GIGGS: those targets would help considerably. Also I wouldn't rule out targets from your old club. Fellaini could do a job in the side as well boss.
MOYES: Fellaini?
GIGGS: *turns around, under breath* for your sake I hope you do. fukker
MOYES: what was that giggsy?
GIGGS: try the zune boss. That should turn it on
MOYES: good lad. *points zune at espresso machine*
Cut to GIGGS in an empty office in old trafford speaking in fevered Spanish on a landline.
GIGGS:David Moyes, es un hijo de perra resbaladiza. no, no No me importa hacer lo que tiene que hacer él está jugando con mi futuro!!
Weeks pass. The transfer deadline is looming as an exasperated MOYES and WOODWARD is seen in a montage slamming down phones, furrowing his brow, ripping the fax machine from the wall and writing "void" on checks. It's 9pm on transfer deadline day.
MOYES: *slumped over in chair at desk, GIGGS comes into office* Giggsy. Bilbao just said no, what now?
GIGGS: well boss I got Everton on the line. They are willing to part with Fellaini.
MOYES:
GIGGS: I talked them down as well. They were asking for a princely sum but it's a bit of a bargain now.
MOYES: *rubbing temples: how much?
GIGGS: 27.5 boss.
MOYES: 27.5!? 27 point bloody fukking five!?!? I bought the Belgian fukker for 2 and a case of track jackets for fukks sake!!
GIGGS: relax boss. This will add some much needed steel to the midfield. It's a bit pricey yeah but these are our realistic options. And he just scored against Stevenage so he'll chip in with goals as well.
MOYES: *glances at WOODWARD*
WOODWARD: :avbehh:
MOYES: do it. Just fukking do it.
First day of training with the new signing. Fellaini struggles to pass, trap the ball, shoot, run, or breathe as the Man U med staff are forced to keep tanks of oxygen on the sidelines and instruct the Belgian how to breathe through his mouth. MOYES looks over at GIGGS with a blank expression.
GIGGS: *breaking 4th wall* my I love the smell of Scottish bacon early in the morning.
*BBC Grandstand theme tune begins*
CREDITS
Montage of future shows:
MOYES gives ROONEY a 300k a week contract on the advice of GIGGS. GIGGS suggests calling up a 16 year old Albanian from the youth team who is an unexpected hit which sees GIGGS changing his plan drastically. GIGGS attempts to write himself into every starting 11 despite him being 47 years old. GIGGS receives flying lessons and erects a banner to fly over old trafford. GIGGS routinely mocks KAGAWA with a faux Japanese accent resulting in a drop of morale which forces MOYES to play CLEV on the wings and sign SPAINARD.
@Gilver?
