- Joined
- Dec 2, 2015
- Messages
- 25,049
- Reputation
- 14,868
- Daps
- 106,405
- Reppin
- Charlotte - Washington D.C.
A few years ago, I was invited over to friend's house for a small get together...I forgot what the occasion was for but apparently my friend and his wife decided to play matchmaker behind the scenes with me and one of his wife's good friends. This is my story. I have to include the actual date and the close in two separate parts just to show you how off the wall this night was.
So I got introduced to this lady named, Jessica, by all accounts this woman was damn near dime status. We chatted a little bit she was talking about how she teaches at a local HS and talking about going back to school to get her Masters, etc...Your boy feeling kinda
about the girl, so we exchange numbers and after talking for a bit at the soiree..we setup a date for us to go out. I decided to keep it cheap but classy as far as eats go, I went ahead and took her ass to them Olive Gardens...especially since they had to 2 for 25 joint at the time, win win for me. So I pick her up, we get to the restaurant and this is where the wheels came off.
We sitting at the table, highlights of the convo..
Me: "So, you were telling me you teach at ******** High School, what subject you teach?"
Her: "Oh, I be teaching them all types of stuff."
Me:
"What you mean you be teaching them all types of stuff?"
Her: "Naw, whatever type of help they need, I just help them...whenever I'm in class."
Me: "Huh? You part time? You a full fledged teacher though right?? "
Her: "Yeah, I'm a substitute teacher."
Me:
Her:
So, the waiter (who's a brother) comes by after a few minutes of awkward silence and asks us if we're ready to order. Now mind you, I'm trying to keep expenses steady in this bytch..so I'm like "Lemme get that Lasagna" and then I say real loud.."THE ONE ON THE 2 FOR 25!". I look over at this chick, she still studying the menu like it's in a foreign language. I guess the waiter sensed what I was trying to do and he says something about the 2 for 25 joint politely to her, this chick straight up says "Nuh uh, I want something I've haven't had before.."
..This chick gets one of the most expensive dishes on the menu, goddamn steak and some other shyt..the waiter looking at me with the 
face cause I was visibly agitated at this point. Conversation continues..
Her: "So how come you don't have any kids?"
Me: "Trying to get my career going, not really trying to focus on little ones til I get set and married."
Her: "I feel you, I almost had a few kids myself."
Me: "Almost? Few?" 
Her: "We all make mistakes in life, ya know.. dealing with folks I shouldn't have been.." She starts looking up at the ceiling, lost in thought apparently.
Me:
"Do you have kids or not??"
Her: "I'm good."
Me: "That's doesn't answer my question."
Awkward silence for about a good ten minutes right up until food is brought out, we start eating and I'm already thinking if I want to try to even smash tonight because of how dense this woman is appearing to be but to my surprise after dessert, she's like "I'd like chill after we get done here"
I'm like "Cool, we can hit up my place and I can break out some wine and music.." She agrees. Your man feeling that salvation is coming soon
so I'm like fukk all this shyt, I call the waiter and ask for a check and she interrupts like "Can I get some more breadsticks and salad?". Me and the dude both looking at her like . I'm like "The hell you need more food for??" She like "shyt, that'll be lunch for the next couple of days for work.." ...The waiter comes back with the breadsticks and salad and she's like.."Why didn't you bag all this shyt up? We tryna leave!" 
Waiter legit mad as hell, nikka sucking his teeth and everything..he bags it up, I left him a nice tip and we bounced to my place to finish off the night.
Next part coming up.
So I got introduced to this lady named, Jessica, by all accounts this woman was damn near dime status. We chatted a little bit she was talking about how she teaches at a local HS and talking about going back to school to get her Masters, etc...Your boy feeling kinda
about the girl, so we exchange numbers and after talking for a bit at the soiree..we setup a date for us to go out. I decided to keep it cheap but classy as far as eats go, I went ahead and took her ass to them Olive Gardens...especially since they had to 2 for 25 joint at the time, win win for me. So I pick her up, we get to the restaurant and this is where the wheels came off. We sitting at the table, highlights of the convo..
Me: "So, you were telling me you teach at ******** High School, what subject you teach?"
Her: "Oh, I be teaching them all types of stuff."
Me:
"What you mean you be teaching them all types of stuff?" Her: "Naw, whatever type of help they need, I just help them...whenever I'm in class."
Me: "Huh? You part time? You a full fledged teacher though right?? "
Her: "Yeah, I'm a substitute teacher."
Me:
Her:
So, the waiter (who's a brother) comes by after a few minutes of awkward silence and asks us if we're ready to order. Now mind you, I'm trying to keep expenses steady in this bytch..so I'm like "Lemme get that Lasagna" and then I say real loud.."THE ONE ON THE 2 FOR 25!". I look over at this chick, she still studying the menu like it's in a foreign language. I guess the waiter sensed what I was trying to do and he says something about the 2 for 25 joint politely to her, this chick straight up says "Nuh uh, I want something I've haven't had before.."
..This chick gets one of the most expensive dishes on the menu, goddamn steak and some other shyt..the waiter looking at me with the face cause I was visibly agitated at this point. Conversation continues..Her: "So how come you don't have any kids?"
Me: "Trying to get my career going, not really trying to focus on little ones til I get set and married."
Her: "I feel you, I almost had a few kids myself."
Me:
"Almost? Few?" Her: "We all make mistakes in life, ya know.. dealing with folks I shouldn't have been.." She starts looking up at the ceiling, lost in thought apparently.
Me:
"Do you have kids or not??"Her: "I'm good."
Me: "That's doesn't answer my question."
Awkward silence for about a good ten minutes right up until food is brought out, we start eating and I'm already thinking if I want to try to even smash tonight because of how dense this woman is appearing to be but to my surprise after dessert, she's like "I'd like chill after we get done here"
I'm like "Cool, we can hit up my place and I can break out some wine and music.." She agrees. Your man feeling that salvation is coming soon so I'm like fukk all this shyt, I call the waiter and ask for a check and she interrupts like "Can I get some more breadsticks and salad?". Me and the dude both looking at her like . I'm like "The hell you need more food for??" She like "shyt, that'll be lunch for the next couple of days for work.." ...The waiter comes back with the breadsticks and salad and she's like.."Why didn't you bag all this shyt up? We tryna leave!" Waiter legit mad as hell, nikka sucking his teeth and everything..he bags it up, I left him a nice tip and we bounced to my place to finish off the night. Next part coming up.
. I'm thinking the night is gonna end spectacularly..Then all of the sudden she just stops...I'm looking down and she just starin at the shyt, all bug eyed. 
at the chick's energy, I'm thinking she hit on some coke beforehand because she's doing 360s on my joint, laughing and growling like a fukking bear all at the same fukking time. So I'm like I gotta get mine before this woman potentially goes psychotic.. So I flip her ass over on the bed and I barely done put an inch of righteousness in her before she hollers at the top of her lungs, a fukking screech...the shyt shook me so bad that I literally fell out of the p*ssy and fell right off the damn bed. 
