So...one of my biggest fears happened today. I had a panic attack in front of my children. I'm pretty sure I scarred them for life.
It would probably surprise a lot of the people who know me personally how much time I spend stressing and straight losing my shyt. I've always been taught never to show weakness. Every time I've shown someone my vulnerable side it never turns out well. I cry alone, find a mirror, get myself together, then walk outside like everything is fine and like I have it all together. I'm the one they come to when shyt is crumbling but no one is there for me. Keeping it all inside and dealing with it all on my own leads to me balled up on the kitchen floor, rocking back and forth and making my children freak out because they can't figure out what's wrong with me.
I don't even know why I typed this out because as soon as I post this I'll go back into defense mode, everything will be "fine", and it will be all fake smiles and forced laughter.
That's just the way it is.....