Man, this week I finally got the wake up call I needed. Im going back on anti-depressants. I resisted it for so long, because of a lack of self-respect.
Its true, last year I was on some wack shyt. Simping over bytches, running around naive.... blowing money.... But god damn... At least I had a will to live. Even if I fell into the same patterns I always do... at least I was trying to fight them
I stopped taking anti-depressants late last year, and Ive been in a consistent spiral since then. And I said that I gotta deal with it, this is my natural brain chemistry. That was a motherfukking lie. If you're taking anti-depressants for 5 + years, you've altered your brain chemistry. It felt nearly impossible dealing with this depression and stagnation.
There's unfair circumstances (going on 2 dates with a girl so she can reveal she has leukemia.... drunkenly taking a girl on a date who reveals she has alcohol PTSD.....)
And then there's everyday shyt that would still send me into depression. Like not being able to make music. It doesn't matter if its fair or unfair... That's a kids worldview.
And I still hate myself in many ways, but I deserve a chance.