I realized that I spent my whole life trying to be something I'm not.
I was put on this planet to be a nerd. My little brothers are jazz nerds. My mom is a professor, and my dad is a lawyer. I was 5 years old and studying Greek mythology and doing stupid shyt like that.
My whole life I was supposed to be this lil simp running around doing what he's told.
I was supposed to go to an elite university. Court some females. Get a high paying job and marry. Rinse and repeat.
At some point I realized I'd rather die then live like that. I say that with natural confidence. But the nerd shyt is so engrained even me. My mind moves too fast and overcomplicates things.
But spiritually I could never accept that.
My mind and soul been clashing since forever. My soul hates my mind, and my mind kills my soul slowly. And I turn to the bottle so we can all get along