I look back at my 17 turning 18 year old self 15 years ago and I think that was either the closest I've been to being my complete honest, unfiltered self where I saw where I was. Might have been the most liberating time of my life.
The thing about that was I was afraid of being misunderstood by other people. I had an understanding of why I did what I did and my actions. It was when I felt ready to be on my own where I was confident enough to try, fail and try again.
The thing was yesterday I got into that same groove and I did something that I understood but was afraid that other people wouldn't get. I went to Spencers which has some dope shyt and
I brought this
I thought it was dope. Don't get me wrong. I'm still gay as fukk. The thing was I was afraid that if someone were to enter into my bedroom, that they may misunderstand or think I'm straight or bi. I notice how for many straight and gay folks that when they get questioned about their sexuality, they are insecure and are like they're scared if see the same sex in anything sexual that could question if they are gay or bi and vice versa for gay people when they are happen to see the opposite sex in anything sexual that could make them question if they're bi or straight. I feel comfortable enough with myself to hang this in my room and appreciate and respect the aesthetics of the female anatomy but knowing that I'm not straight or bi because she doesn't light the wick for me. It also reminds me of how far I've gotten in terms of being in denial to the point where I'm honest about myself and my sexual orientation. It actually struck a chord of sadness where it hurt because I wasted years lying to myself that I really tried to convince myself that I was heterosexual.
If I knew what I knew then and after until.I owned up to my shyt. I would have been good. I remember dropping out of human sexuality 101 back in college because I was scared that it was going to confirm what I already knew about being gay and in denial.
you don’t see them clout chasers on social media
