I gotta relax. I have bad impulse control and alcohol doesn't help. I have wild ideas in my head all the time. I talk myself out of doing 70% of it. When I drink I do whatever comes to mind. Last night I got so drunk I thought I wasn't as drunk as I was. I remember my boss's girlfriend blinking at me a lot. She wants the D. I remember riding home with no hands, lights, or helmet. It was raining and I was going towards oncoming traffic. I was going hella fast. I hit 20mph for sure. I was recording myself too.
People assume I don't consider the repercussions of my actions. I'm way crazier than that. I always know how dangerous what I'm doing is, that's why I do it. LOL it's pretty simple to me. I think to myself: This is probably going to hurt a lot, but it'll be worth it. When I come out on the other end of my bad decisions unharmed I'm always fukking shocked. LMAO, I know God is real. I have guardian angels, I'm very lucky, or I'm the shyt. I doubt the last two are true.
I'm here for a reason. I have a fukking purpose. Some force is keeping me alive and healthy. I suck at life, but for some reason I keep progressing. I talk a big game like I knew this would happen, but I didn't. I'm as surprised as everyone else. I didn't think I'd live this long that's why I talked big shyt. I had no intention of accomplishing it. I figured I'd die before I had to back my words up. LMAO God has a fukking sense of humor.
I'm not arrogant. My reckless abandon makes me come off as arrogant. I genuinely just don't give a fukk. People say that shyt, but I live that shyt. If I have kids I don't want them to be like this.
I know I'm naturally lucky. Seriously, I'm hella lucky, I feel my luck is the strongest when I talk big shyt. It's like God hears me about to do something stupid and I get bailed out. LOL maybe I'm here to do something great. I should have died last night a handful of times.
I'm going to settle down for a while and stop playing with death. Even Pac couldn't escape death. If someone were to ask me if I wanted to live I wouldn't be able to answer that question. I'm not sad, but I'm not happy either. My life isn't bad, but it isn't great either.
I guess I'm wondering why I do all this crazy shyt and how I survive it.