I'm never alone because these demons stay with me. I'm scared to get high or drunk because nobody needs to see the real me. People act like they handle the real, but everyone I've shown it to can't handle it so I keep it to myself. I don't like lying, but I have to so other people are comfortable. I'd love to relax and be myself, but I'm the real deal. I got demons on me. I've done so much dirt in my life it's with me forever. It doesn't matter what I do. I wish I could make people understand that some lines can't be uncrossed. There's shyt you'll do in your life that you cant rinse off. Although people don't know me, I remember all the dirt so its with me forever. I did what I had to do, doesn't mean I wanted to do it. Growing up in the hood can be fukked up. Good kids put in positions where they have to do grimey shyt to survive day to day.
It bothers me how comfortable I am with violence. When I say I'm not scared of anyone I mean it. I accepted death as a child. I didn't expect to live this long anyway, so I'm ready to go whenever, it's nothing. I feel like death is an old friend. I know I'm going to hell, so fukk it, I'm with the shyt. I laugh when dudes try to act tough around me. I' m not tough, but I have little interest in living a long life. I'm ready to die, so I will take it there with anyone. I like to see how tough these dudes actually are. I know I'm ready to die or go to jail, but I doubt they are.
I want to be a father so I can raise kids to not be like me. No kid should be comfortable with the shyt I am. It's fukked up. Pac discussed the mentality of kids like me. Growing up how I did I got used to some fukked up shyt. It wasn't my fault, but it shaped my personality. I can't change who I am, all I can do is lie about it.
I'm not tough because I'm not a killer, but I'm not a p*ssy because I'm ready to die. fukk all this fake shyt. Nothing is real, and it's disgusting. Death gotta be easy, life is hard as fukk. We are imaginary and it's disgusting. Resisting the urge to roll into oncoming traffic is difficult. What will I miss, hella fake people and hella fake shyt?
I'd rather be dead or in a coma dying. fukk me, fukk this world, and fukk everybody. I hope God calls for me before I have to endure anymore of this fake ass bullshyt. What the fukk is point? More fake shyt.