I swear my stomach is falling to apart from stress. I feel like vomiting after work. I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself. It's hard not to put pressure on myself because I expect great things from myself. Coming up the way I did quitting was unacceptable. If something is hard it's worth doing, I think. Thing is, I have to have fun or I'll drive myself crazy. I work best under pressure.
In sports what separates winners from losers is loving performance under pressure and I won a lot. I don't know what losing feels like as a player. Life isn't sports though. There are no trophies in this bytch, just more work and challenges. It's crazy how much effort people put into real life with no celebration of it. In sports every milestone is celebrated. You work, reach a goal, and get to enjoy it.
professionally when I reach a goal I see another mountain to climb. I need to start celebrating my accomplishments more. It's hard to because the picture isn't complete. I'm in the playoffs, I'm balling out of control, but the road to the championship is still very long. In my head I don't see a point in celebrating getting close. I'd rather never get close, than get close and never get there. It pisses me off to see it but not possess it.
LMAO I hope my kids aren't this crazy. I want them to be normal boring people. Passion is cool, but it's maddening. shyt makes you crazy, but it also makes you great. Thing is, the process can be self-destructive. I believe we have to destroy ourselves to make ourselves. I admit I'm on the wrong side of passionate and there is a balance, but fukk all that, I have to give it my all. I have to black out, when I'm in my zone I'm not to be fukked with. I have to let it all hang out to go there.
I don't mind fukking up if I know I gave everything I had in my body, heart, and soul. That's not an L, that's fukking tight, and it's special.