Essential The Locker Room's Random Thoughts

Pazzy

Pazzy

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Sometimes, I wonder if somebody or anybody knows that I am crying, sobbing, screaming in grief on the inside while I am smiling and pretending that I am all right. I don't think anybody around me knows. Driving home about an hour and a half ago, I was just literally wondering how can I continue to live feeling this way and why I felt that way. Actually thought about pulling the car over and jumping off the bridge but my will to live just said no, don't do that. Keep living. I don't even think my mother who was on the passenger side knew how sad I was yet here I was smiling, giggling and joking with her. I am having a harder time imagining growing old in my 30s and then my 40s feeling like this for reasons I will not say.

I am hiding something far worse than I would like to admit and sometimes, Im afraid that someone will find out and judge me for it instead of being understanding and getting that I am hurting on the inside. That something is not HIV or a std. It's emotional pain and mental anguish from life. I have a therapist too that I go to but I dunno. I still go through bouts of hell like this. Go to work, go to the gym, don't drink or use hard drugs but I eat like shyt and have horrible sleeping patterns which is nothing new. I literally am trying everything to be well but I still feel the same way. Is this the effect of black shadow what prodigy was taking about because Ive been seeing it for awhile now before he talked about it on the show. I always wondered if that was the grim reaper.

Ps, my mom may be on to something because she said how I always discuss about what I don't like but I told her that I do say what I like it's that I don't start it with saying "I like" but rather say it in different variations.
 
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SuperGrizzy said:
I like coming here and out of a lot of these platform this is probably my favorite. But, too much social media isn't healthy, imo

Plus, life is beautiful :blessed:
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That's true. I have outside social interactions. But I feel like this outweighs that. And I just want balance.
 
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I used to think that being bored meant having nothing to do, so if I had things to do and I was bored, it meant that I was being irresponsible or lazy. But that is not what boredom means. It is a sign that there is an energetic misalignment between the life we are on and new paths, opportunities, and potentials that our soul is trying to open our awareness to.
 
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