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Rhapscallion Démone

Rhapscallion Démone

♊Dogset Emperor and Sociopathic Socialite ♊
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I hate airplane wifi. I hate airplanes in general but they shytty wifi irks the fukk out of me.
 
UltimateSource

UltimateSource

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Pazzy

Pazzy

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Trill talk, after seeing what happened to prodigy and several other people where basically people are giving them their flowers when they are dead and not here. If I were to die tomorrow, I don't want any of these folks that couldn't pop up to say hi what's up to me at some point that can say something to act like they gave a fukk about me. Be who you were in my death like how you were when I was alive. If you didn't want to have shyt to do with me, felt like I was an annoyance, left me alone and the whole nine, just be real with yourself and do the same shyt. I can't stand when people all of a sudden start to switch gears and show appreciation to someone when they are injured in the hospital or dead. That's not right. At least reach out. One of my biggest regrets that I have to this day is leaving my Nana even though she wasn't biologically my Nana alone where I didn't contact her like that. She died on mothers day last year dead alone in her apartment where it took some days for them to find her. It wasn't until her body started to stink that her neighbors contacted the super and then us. She would call us all the time to see how we were doing but I didn't return her calls as I should have. When we talked, she would say some real shyt to me. We were supposed to go to eat out but we never did because we would say we were too busy. She didn't have a funeral because...... I have no clue why but that would have been rough. I hate funerals. Been to more than enough. Never been to a wedding before in my life. I always get to see the dark side of shyt before the positives which is why I'm a bit of a Debbie downer and negative. I didn't show up to a few people that I know funerals including my maternal grandparents. I didn't have a job at the time but still, I just didn't want to see them like that. Like I want to remember my grandmother and grandfather the way they were alive and well. The last photo of my grandmother alive was her in the hospital with that face like "this is it" which was taken an hour before she died. I wasn't there but that image is burned in my mind. She was ready to go and yes, obviously I miss her. Their voices from the convos we had are still in my head so they still live on. I just hope when I go and if I had to be remembered, people will do me justice and not some shyt that I don't deserve.

In saying all that, I do regret all the times that I don't reach out to people to say hello, hang around them, show them appreciation and be too content with being a loner. I care about a lot of people which is why I'm a loner because I care too much and I tend to overburden people. I love too hard. Im too nice. So when folks just distance themselves from me which is what I expect, I get hurt and just feel comfortable keeping it all within. There are people who do care about me as well though I'll be honest that's what I want to believe but I don't know if they do. I have no problem being alone though as I've learned to be comfortable with it.


And hell, I don't even want a funeral just like my relative that passed a year ago. Not even a memorial service. If folks really care then represent me on some real shyt. Don't have my shyt in a church or any religious spot. I'm an atheist so keep that shyt out of my name. And please cremated me and scatter my ashes in the upstate woods right off of interstate 87 in the catskills and shyt deep in the forest with the trees away from sunlight with nature.
 
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